Cringeworthy: Is anyone else struggling to be excited?

IdahoLakeLady · April 2012

I'm seriously putting myself out here guys.

This is definitely an intentional pregnancy. I was aching to try for a baby last fall, and DH wanted to wait until February 1 for various reasons. We argued, I cried, all kinds of drama about me not wanting to wait.

We were extraordinarily lucky to have gotten pregnant our first month trying. I was mentally prepared for a 6-12 month slog, ending in fertility treatments. So I'm having a hard time coming around to the fact that we are, in fact, having a baby in like 30 weeks. I knew, intellectually, that this was a possibility, but emotionally... I feel so not ready!

We've started to tell people as we see them, and get really excited responses. I always respond with "thanks! we're excited, though I'm still stuck in surprise!"

I haven't bought a baby item. I feel unready to see baby stuff in our house. I have no interest in thinking about nursery decor, baby car seats, etc. Kind of like planning my wedding, I just wish Target sold me a whole package which required no research. I just... kind of want to avoid thinking about the whole thing until, like, September.

Is anyone else feeling kind of standoffish about being pregnant?

welly01 · April 2012

I am sort of feeling the same way. I had the "baby bug" last summer but we didn't start trying until January. We got pregnant our second month trying...right before I had decided it was better to hold off a little longer due to work. Oops!

I had been reading a few baby books before I got pregnant, but I haven't touched one since we found out. Its mainly because I don't have the time and I'm so tired. But I also haven't bought any baby stuff and don't intend to anytime soon (unless we find a good deal on craigslist for furniture).

I think you should let yourself relax and just see how you feel in a few months. I think the further along you get, the more you'll be able to connect with the baby (once it moves, etc.). You said you do want kids, so just give it some time. I am in no hurry to turn our house into a baby-proof nursery until its really necessary. And even if you don't buy anything, you will still probably have a baby shower where you'll get at least some necessities. GL!

keiral · April 2012

I think what you are feeling is very normal! It's kind of like the way some people feel right before their wedding day. Obviously, you want to get hitched, but a couple of days before you're like "Oh sh*t.. is this what I want?" Big Smile Or when you buy a house, walk in after the closing and feel a bit of buyers remorse. You scrutinize the space, question whether you could have found something better, etc. I think it's normal to doubt any major life change & this will be the biggest of them all!!

I also think that when it happens so quickly, like on your first try, it's like you are thrown in to it at such a high speed. You didn't have months to really adjust to such a major decision.

I know that for me, I am not really feeling all that excited yet. Part of this is because I had a loss in September and part of it is for the same reasons as you. My life is going to drastically change.. I'm sure for the better, but any change comes with some fears, anxiety and doubts. I think that the further along I get, the more excited I will become. Feeling the baby kick, knowing that the baby can hear me talking to it. These things will make it real and, I'm sure more exciting than shocking Smile

nmoe · April 2012

Yes, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Same story here- planned, intentional pregnancy. I've read that some people react this way due to nervousness and hormones. I asked my obgyn about it, and she said it was "not normal" and "if it is, no one talks about it." Geesh, what a way to reassure me!

A good friend of mine felt the same, and she said she got a lot more excited in the 2nd trimester.

IdahoLakeLady · April 2012

nmoe:
Yes, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Same story here- planned, intentional pregnancy. I've read that some people react this way due to nervousness and hormones. I asked my obgyn about it, and she said it was "not normal" and "if it is, no one talks about it." Geesh, what a way to reassure me!

I'm sorry your OBGYN said that to you; that's unfair and condescending. Frankly, I'm offended on your behalf!

kelly321 · April 2012

nmoe:
Yes, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Same story here- planned, intentional pregnancy. I've read that some people react this way due to nervousness and hormones. I asked my obgyn about it, and she said it was "not normal" and "if it is, no one talks about it." Geesh, what a way to reassure me!

A good friend of mine felt the same, and she said she got a lot more excited in the 2nd trimester.

Wow. How is your OB otherwise? For me that alone wouldn't be a reason to switch, but it would be a huge red flag that insensitivity might become a problem later on.

With DD I also didn't really get excited for a long time. She was planned and we had a pretty average trying time of 5 months, but it still just took a while for me to get it. I also didn't buy a single baby thing until after the anatomy scan when I bought a pink skein of yarn to knit a hat for her. It wasn't (only) because I was waiting until viability was reached. I honestly had no overwhelming desire to buy baby things.

With this baby I'm trying hard not to get excited because I'm still waiting for our follow-up u/s tomorrow to see whether the baby is growing or whether it's a blighted ovum. I think for me it's easier to get excited for this one because we're already in baby mode.

I think you're pretty normal.

Aloe0l · April 2012

I felt very similar with my first pregnancy. I felt weird registering. I felt weird browsing baby stuff (but I still did it). Almost like, I was jumping the gun or something. Like, why do I need baby stuff when I don't actually HAVE a baby? I couldn't get excited over baby clothes either. Even when we had our showers, it didn't seem real.

It didn't seem real until I went into labor honestly. It's totally normal to not really bond with your child until they are here, even though many women feel a bond much earlier. I feel like I'm experiencing similar feelings with this kid too. Like we just had our ultrasound and I saw him/her in there, but, it still feels like "business as usual" until he/she actually arrives!

Kristen050 · April 2012

I think it's normal. This is #2 for me so I know what I'm in for and it scares the bajesus out of me. It's a big change in your life! I know this is kind of morbid but I always think, how would I feel if I lost this baby, would I be upset or relieved? The answer is always that I would be devastated, so I know that as scared as I am, this is what I want.

elisabethb29 · April 2012

I'm in a similar boat too... I'm shocked. We were going to go off BC, and then shoot for TTC in summer. So, it definitely happened quicker for us than we were expecting, which is wonderful, I'm definitely so lucky that it happened that way, but it happened so fast. I was wanting to hold off a bit because of work, so oops, shouldn't have gone off BC so soon! DH is really happy and excited, which I'm so relieved about. But I'm nervous about the response of my parents (I think they think we are too young, but I'm 27 and DH is 26 so we aren't ridiculously young) and our friends who are all either just married or about to be married... and they aren't in that mindset of having babies quite yet. So, it's all a shock... but I'm sure as it keeps getting closer and more real it will become more exciting

abfromva2 · April 2012

Umm.... glad you posted this. I have definitely had "oh sh!t" days. The issue for me is that it took 9months to get pregnant. At times I didn't think it was going to happen so I didn't allow myself to feel excited or imagine the future. On top of feeling awful the last 2 weeks I don't even feel pregnant right now. I haven't had an U/S and am not showing yet. Things will probably change after that. Pregnancy is just a little overwhelming at times and I think it is totally normal to feel that way.

LuckyMissus · April 2012

I cannot wait to have our sweet little baby in my arms, I really am excited for that! But, right now I'm not super excited at any particular moment.

It just feels so surreal bc we haven't told anyone besides our parents and siblings, and it's not like we interact with them on a daily basis. So I'm like walking around feeling exhausted and sick all the time, and I can't tell anyone. It's so weird and lonely.

PP: I can't believe your ob said that either, awesome bedside manner she has...

nmoe · April 2012

Yeah, it was a horrible appointment. My OB's office is a big practice though, so you see a different OB each time. So, chances are I'll never see her again. However, if I have another negative experience there, I'm definitely switching.

WannaBMommy81 · April 2012

Thank you for posting this!! I feel the exact same way! I had 1 missed m/c, tried for months and months to get pg with DD and was over the moon estatic to tell people at 11 weeks. Dh and I went back and forth between deciding if we really wanted #2 or not. I was completely fine and felt complete with just DD but knew I would love another baby no matter what and DH really wanted another one. I caved and figured I would have a few months to get used to the idea. Well I got pg 2 weeks after having my IUD out! We told our families this weekend and I honestly think my Mom is more excited than I am! I felt like such a fake trying to "act" excited. I know I will eventually come around but have so many mixed emotions. I even worry about DD who is 4 and will almost be 5 by the time the baby comes because babies take up so much time and she's been an only child until now. She is excited though. Ugh..... Thank you so much for posting this though so I know I am not the only one in this boat! I was actually starting to wonder if something was wrong with me or if I was depressed or something!

ssmb_clarinet · April 2012

I feel the same way. It is all so surreal. Just like you DH and I only tried for 1 month and BAM, just like that the test said pregnant. I went for my 1st u/s on Monday and seeing the baby and hearing the HB made it more real, but I still feel like I should be more excited than I am. It's not like I am not excited at all, I guess it is all so new to me and doesn't really seem real yet since I am not really telling anyone and am living my life just like I did before, adding m/s of course. Glad to hear I am not the only one!

LJ552 · April 2012

Oh my word, this post and everyone's responses has made me feel so much better. This baby was a little bit of a surprise for us as well and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. Just like Idaho, I feel unprepared for baby things in our place. Even "What to Expect..." looks weird sitting on my dresser.

Hoping for that switch to go off sometime soon.

katalina16 · April 2012

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for posting this and for the all of the replies! I have been feeling like a horrible person for the last few weeks because I too am having issues getting excited about this pregnancy. My backstory includes a missed miscarriage at about 6-7 weeks, then bam! two months later here we are again! I think this time we are even more shocked because we both honestly thought it would take awhile, and we were still working through the miscarriage(or at least I was). Like several posters said, I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around what my new life with baby is going to look like. I start thinking about all of the changes to our life and it all seems so surreal to me! This pregnancy was intentional,so its not like we were suprised either. It is comforting to know that other women feel the same way, and that I am not alone. I have an u/s on Monday to determine viability and due date, so I think I will feel better after I know things are okay.

Jen9807 · April 2012

I feel the same way. We were not trying, but we were not doing anything to stop it from happening either. We tried for a while last year and nothing happened so I thought because of my age (turned 40 in Dec) that it just wasn't going to happen. I was fine with that especially with having the twins turning four in June. But surprise surprise, BFP!

I think my big issue is that I am SO nervous something is going to go wrong because of my age. It's very consuming to me and I don't think I am going to relax until I know for sure that everything is okay with the baby.

Hope we all start to feel better soon!

CarolinaGirl82 · April 2012

I'm VERY ready to have a baby--have had a year and a half of trying to get used to the idea! But, I'm still having trouble getting excited about being pregnant because I am so terrified that something is going to go wrong and we'll lose one or both of our babies.

We did IVF, and there is so much on the line financially and emotionally, I'll be destroyed if this fails, so it's like my defense mechanism is to just exist in a sort of state of denial that I'm actually pregnant. I try so hard to feel excited, but mainly I just feel scared.

Sunglow28 · April 2012

Yep. My hubby and I had planned to try in April, but a sorta-kinda slip in March (we thought I'd already ovulated) has given us a little one ahead of schedule. I thought it would take a few months! I am happy, but a little ambivalent. I just started a new job and these two things are occupying so much of my time and energy.

I know I will get excited, I just hope it is soon!

angielayne926 · April 2012

Yes, but for different reasons.

This our third pregnancy, but will **hopefully** be our first take home baby. While I am thrilled to be further along than I've ever been, my heart is still guarded because of the "What-if's". We are excited, and talk about it with ourselves, but can't let that excitement out to other people yet. We go tomorrow for a 2nd ultrasound to see the hb. I told DH that if everything is going well, I will feel better about telling people and buying LO something to celebrate.

I think it's normal to feel this way. It's a huge change, especially if it's your first.

sappysaturn · April 2012

I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. This was not planned, though obviously DH and I were not exactly doing anything to prevent a pregnancy. I planned on starting to try later this summer, so I guess it's not bad timing, but still a bit of a shocker.

I've been feeling like everyone is more excited than I am, which in a way is comforting but at the same time I'm honestly not sure if I'm ever going to really be happy and excited about it. It's just a big life changer and the entire process is pretty overwhelming. I try not to think about everything that needs to be done and bought and really I try not to think about it at all unless I feel comfortable doing so at that moment. I'm delaying telling friends and coworkers as long as possible, I think the constant discussions are just going to be too much right now, and honestly I'm not good at and have no desire to pretend to be excited or happy when I'm not.

KitchenElf · April 2012

keiral:
I think what you are feeling is very normal! It's kind of like the way some people feel right before their wedding day. Obviously, you want to get hitched, but a couple of days before you're like "Oh sh*t.. is this what I want?" Or when you buy a house, walk in after the closing and feel a bit of buyers remorse. You scrutinize the space, question whether you could have found something better, etc. I think it's normal to doubt any major life change & this will be the biggest of them all!!
I also think that when it happens so quickly, like on your first try, it's like you are thrown in to it at such a high speed. You didn't have months to really adjust to such a major decision.
I know that for me, I am not really feeling all that excited yet. Part of this is because I had a loss in September and part of it is for the same reasons as you. My life is going to drastically change.. I'm sure for the better, but any change comes with some fears, anxiety and doubts. I think that the further along I get, the more excited I will become. Feeling the baby kick, knowing that the baby can hear me talking to it. These things will make it real and, I'm sure more exciting than shocking

Everything you said above is how I feel. I am excited but I'm also scared about how it's going to change my life. I love my current life and I know that a baby will enhance it, but the future with a baby is so different from what we do now.

I'm scared about the change, but ready to embrace it and roll with the good and the bad.

CTMOM2B · April 2012

I really want to be excited. Everyone else is so excited. My MIL calls all the time now to see how "we are both doing". I think I'm so nervous about something going wrong (first u/s in 2 weeks) and disappointing everyone that I just haven't let myself relax and enjoy yet. I'm hoping for a good u/s at my first appointment and being able to stop worrying. Hopefully, then, I'll be able to get excited. I know it doesn't mean I'm totally safe but I think it will make it the more real.

BrianeMC · April 2012

You are not the only one in this boat! I have been feeling like a horrible person for not being anywhere near as excited as all of our friends and family! We tried for almost a year before we got pregnant and I always thought that the moment I peed on the stick and saw "Pregnant" I would be so overwhelmed with excitement that I couldn't stand myself, well that hasn't exactly been the case. A few weeks ago I had even thought to myself "what have I done?" I want the baby I'm just not enjoying pregnancy so far due to all the lovely symptoms that come along with it. I thought after my first U/S and after hearing the heartbeat I would be even more excited and I was for a whole 2 days,but after those two days it honestly made me even more nervous! I really hope that I will be able to enjoy my pregnancy and bond with my baby before he/she arrives! I'm ready to be a mom and I thought I was "ready" for pregnancy, but apparently I was wrong about one of the two so far!

ansi29 · April 2012

Kristen050:
I think it's normal. This is #2 for me so I know what I'm in for and it scares the bajesus out of me. It's a big change in your life! I know this is kind of morbid but I always think, how would I feel if I lost this baby, would I be upset or relieved? The answer is always that I would be devastated, so I know that as scared as I am, this is what I want.

Unrelated but - I recognize your siggy from ttgp - welcome and congrats!!

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