4 year old daughter HATES to clean up

cecee36 · April 2012

My daughter hates to clean up. Absolutely hates it. There's always an argument, a debate (which I do not participate in or engage) and frustration and tears. I offer supervision and help to make her see that picking up is a good habit to have and I also use clean up songs and rewards. Typically, if she's been playing with one set of toys and wants to move on to another activity, I'll say she can move on to the new activity when the old activity has been picked up. Seems fair to me but she doesn't get it. What suggestions do you all have for getting your child who hates to clean up to clean up? Thanks!

jlw2505 · April 2012

My 4 year old is like this as well - she will cry and say its too much work. We use the same rules as they use at preschool - only 1 toy out at a time and if you want to play with something else, that one must be put away first. If she cries, I ignore it. If she tries to get something else out, she is reminded one time and then I use the 1 2 3 method and give her the countdown and by that point, she is typically still whining about it but will start to clean up. Her big sis is a huge cleaner upper and will often try and help or do it for her so we have been working on that as well - I will offer to help as it can be overhwhelming but it really depends on how big the mess and such. The big thing is being consistent and not giving in to the whining and crying stuff which can be so hard. I so people will toss toys if they don't get cleaned up (or at least pretend to do so).

KatFCo · April 2012

Have you worked with her on how to clean up properly? I found my daughter would just feel overwhelmed at the prospect sometimes, and it took a few months (this is regarding cleaning her room, not just a few toys) before she felt comfortable working on it by herself. She still needs direction, but she knows how to look at the mess and figure out how to clean it up.

schnappycat · April 2012

I'm probably the odd duck here, but I have never enforced the one toy at a time rule. My kids like to mix their toys and I feel it allows for more creativity to mix the cars with the blocks to make roads or make ramps out of markers. I don't think either of my kids would be happy just having one toy out at a time. Therefore, our house is always a giant mess of toys.

However, I too have difficulties getting DS to pick up his toys, possibly because it's overwhelming to him. We usually help him and try to make it a game (see how fast (set a timer) or who can be the fastest and "win" or try to make baskets with his blocks, etc.) or frame it as "teamwork" (a la Wonder Pets) so that he knows he isn't in it alone. That's the best we have come up with. But honestly, I'm not the neatest person, so I'm probably not the best role model. Oops.

jlw2505 · April 2012

schnappycat:
I'm probably the odd duck here, but I have never enforced the one toy at a time rule. My kids like to mix their toys and I feel it allows for more creativity to mix the cars with the blocks to make roads or make ramps out of markers. I don't think either of my kids would be happy just having one toy out at a time. Therefore, our house is always a giant mess of toys.

In my house - hte one toy rule mainly is about when they are playing with a game or puzzle or the art stuff. We have a huge toy box that is mainly dress up stuff but also has some other random stuff - that can all be out at once. The Barbies are tossed into a huge basket and that can all be out but not at the same time as say a puzzle. The basement playroom is a big old tornado area that I need to clean as soon as I get this darn aircast off as that is a mess of every toy that is down there and it is driving me nuts. SO much is out and mixed up that they can't tell what they have or where anything goes.

luvmagoldn · April 2012

schnappycat:

I'm probably the odd duck here, but I have never enforced the one toy at a time rule. My kids like to mix their toys and I feel it allows for more creativity to mix the cars with the blocks to make roads or make ramps out of markers. I don't think either of my kids would be happy just having one toy out at a time. Therefore, our house is always a giant mess of toys.

However, I too have difficulties getting DS to pick up his toys, possibly because it's overwhelming to him. We usually help him and try to make it a game (see how fast (set a timer) or who can be the fastest and "win" or try to make baskets with his blocks, etc.) or frame it as "teamwork" (a la Wonder Pets) so that he knows he isn't in it alone. That's the best we have come up with. But honestly, I'm not the neatest person, so I'm probably not the best role model. Oops.

This is me too. What I've found helps is if I assign each boy a catagory - one picks up the blocks, one picks up the cars and one puts the stuffed animals away for example. I still get whining and Why am I the only one cleaning up? questions but with prodding - and sometimes a timer - it gets done.

LoCarb · April 2012

We sing a song about clean up time. Actually, I think pre-school taught it to DD and she taught it to me. It makes the activity a little more fun. DD will dance while she sings and clean up-a great distraction to the chore.

jsugrin · April 2012

I"ve found my best weapon is a competition, they can be whining and saying they don't want to do it blah blah blah with daddy and I walk in and say " who can get the most toys in?" " who is going to put the toys away the fastest?". You get the idea, works fabulous with 2 competitive brothers but it also works great if it's one boy and myself, I tend to do very, very little but it still works.

neverblushed · April 2012

I think it's pretty normal for kids to resist cleaning up. Here are some tricks I've used with my kids in the past to prevent it from being such a battle:

--Keep it real by letting her know that she's right! Cleaning up IS less fun than getting out new toys. But if we never cleaned up, our things would get so messy that we wouldn't have room to play and things would get lost and broken.

--Keep it positive by helping her. One of my kids liked to agree to help and then always wound up sitting watching while I did most of the work. To prevent this, I would insist we take turns putting things away.

--Have a race (i.e. see who can get the most puzzle pieces back in the box)

--Structure the tidying so that the child doesn't feel overwhelmed. Give the child a number of items or categories that need cleaning. (I.e., all we really need to do to get this place tidied up is pick up the puzzle pieces and the art supplies. Which would you like to do first?)

--Team up. At the end of the morning, when we'd accumulated a few things in the living room, we'd decide that one person would be the Picker-Upper and the other would be the Putter-Awayer. The Picker-Upper found and picked up stuff that didn't belong in the living room and brought it back to the Putter-Awayer in the bedroom. The P-A then took over and put the toy away. This was a great way to teach my kids HOW to clean up a room. Picking up is easier than putting away, so I started my kids as the Picker-Upper.

WestCoastMommy · April 2012

DS use to do this but I think Preschool has helped. We don't get a crying fit anymore when we ask but we have to ask like 10 times before he will get started on it. I catch him cleaning up on his own and really go out of my way to give lots of praise. If he has a ton to pick up then I help and tell him, "You pick up the cars and I will do the legos, lets race."

GingerSB · April 2012

schnappycat:
I'm probably the odd duck here, but I have never enforced the one toy at a time rule. My kids like to mix their toys and I feel it allows for more creativity to mix the cars with the blocks to make roads or make ramps out of markers. I don't think either of my kids would be happy just having one toy out at a time. Therefore, our house is always a giant mess of toys.
However, I too have difficulties getting DS to pick up his toys, possibly because it's overwhelming to him. We usually help him and try to make it a game (see how fast (set a timer) or who can be the fastest and "win" or try to make baskets with his blocks, etc.) or frame it as "teamwork" (a la Wonder Pets) so that he knows he isn't in it alone. That's the best we have come up with. But honestly, I'm not the neatest person, so I'm probably not the best role model. Oops.

That was my problem with the one toy rule too. The kids will make a. Elaborate scen using little people, princesses, babies, littlest pet shop, animals, and cars. It is overwhelming for me, but I know th are actually playing with it all. However, after my 4yo giving me so much trouble, we let each girl pick one toy category at a time. The rest are put away and they aren't allowed to play with it. This is a weekly thing, believe it or not. It's been working.

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