When does this get easier?

hoping4more · April 2012

It has been almost 3 weeks. I have been ok mostly just trying to focus on the future. I still have random crying fits though. I had to leave a parenting group today while talking about attachment when they got to toddlers saying no and testing limits. I can just hear her little voice in my head saying "no".

johnnys june · April 2012

*hugs* It's different for everyone, lovey. This is all so new to you and so fresh. It will take time (unfortunately). I think for me, the first 2-3 weeks were really hard -- I cried everyday. Then I was numb...for months. Then at about 3-6 months I started to come out of this "fog" and it was like reliving it all over again...but it was necessary...to work through it. There is no limit to your grief or your healing. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to just feel or not to feel based on the day. The pain will never lessen, but it will get more bearable and day to day life will get "easier". You'll find a new normal and you'll settle into it. And one day, even on those bad days, you'll realize that you are ok -- no matter what "ok" may look like.

kdruffles · April 2012

I'm about 2 weeks out, and just wanted you to know you're not alone in what you're feeling. I'm still crying most days. Today was my follow up appt. I'm just trying to keep myself as busy as I can, but feeling what I feel if that makes sense? Not fair that any of us have to go through this, but I've found this group to be a comfort for me. Even though I just mostly lurk... (((hugs)))

DesiraeSunshine · April 2012

It gets different over time,not necessarily "better". At times it does hurt less, but it doesnt go away. ::hugs::

weddedwife · April 2012

For me the first month was very, very hard. Cried every day, doing anything at all. Then it got to the point where I could (mostly) contain my crying to when I was alone at night. I got to a "functioning" state around then. I too felt pretty numb for a while after that, leading up to my EDD/ 3 month mark and then it got slightly worse again, but not nearly as bad as in those first few weeks. There are moments where I feel that bad again, but they pass quickly now.

It does not ever go away. It will always hurt. But now I can laugh and have good times too. My life is still good.

I will say that having an older child, it is really hard in group situations with other moms. All the talk about babies, seeing others' babies, etc. is nearly unbearable for the first few months. There is still a lot that makes me very uncomfortable or triggers extreme sadness. I just try to limit the amount of time I spend in these situations as much as I can and allow myself to leave or say no to invitations.

Big hugs to you, those first weeks are so, so hard.

tubbsy32 · April 2012

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I leave and avoid a lot of situations, places, and conversations to be honest. I am just trying to protect myself in hopes of making things "easier". I haven't fully re-enterd the world by any means yet; I am trying to control whatever I can, because our loss was so out of our control. Just roll with your emotions, cry when you need to; laugh when you want to. ((hugs))

magdalina.h · April 2012

The first 3 months are very difficult. You're in this fog of grief, numbness and depression. Around 3 months the fog starts to lift. Then comes the guilt that you're having more better times than worse times. Now it could be more good hours than bad hours, I'm not talking days because sometimes having a good minute will feel like a huge step.6 months is a hard milestone to pass. It never gets easier, but your life starts to grow around your loss. I'm a little over 2 years out and have awful days, but I have many more good days.

SweetBaby2004 · April 2012

It is hard and I don't think it matters how long ago the loss was.

For me, the first couple of weeks were awful - I cried every day and was just numb. The following couple of months got better in that I could function at work and go most days without crying but sometimes it would just hit me and i was a mess.

We started thinking about TTC again and got a BFP six months after we lost Gabriel. I was so excited, but sad and terrified for another loss. I struggled with those emotions throughout the entire pregnancy.

Now, 15 months out, I still cry but not every day. I am still struggling with the loss and it has hit harder now that I am dealing with post-partum hormones. If I had been able to keep Gabriel, I wouldn't have DD#3 who I love so much.

hoping4more · April 2012

SweetBaby2004:
We started thinking about TTC again and got a BFP six months after we lost Gabriel. I was so excited, but sad and terrified for another loss. I struggled with those emotions throughout the entire pregnancy..

We are actually pregnant via a surrogate. We found out 4 days before we lost Jayden. I do have fears that we will lose this one too. Not so much a fear of loss in pregnancy as J was 20months old (almost 21m) but fear of death of child or the surrogate keeping baby as there are no laws against it here. I know I have to stay strong but if we lost another I dont think I could do it.

magdalina.h · April 2012

hoping4more:
SweetBaby2004:
We started thinking about TTC again and got a BFP six months after we lost Gabriel. I was so excited, but sad and terrified for another loss. I struggled with those emotions throughout the entire pregnancy..
We are actually pregnant via a surrogate. We found out 4 days before we lost Jayden. I do have fears that we will lose this one too. Not so much a fear of loss in pregnancy as J was 20months old (almost 21m) but fear of death of child or the surrogate keeping baby as there are no laws against it here. I know I have to stay strong but if we lost another I dont think I could do it.

I will hunt her down and take her out if that happens. I pray that your surrogate is a decent person and would never even have that thought especially since you've lost a child.

hoping4more · April 2012

magdalina- Thanks. You made me smile. She is a good friend so I doubt it will happen but I still worry.

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