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Here we go again.

FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
in Blended Families

I get a little more defeated every time I realize this will be my life...

We're taking BM back to court.  It's been about 19 months, and for almost a year things were okay (not great, but better).  But she has just completely stopped paying for anything.  SDs activities, doctor's visits/copays/medications, and now SDs braces.  We will have to make a $200 payment by May 1 to continue her treatment (that's 3 months of BMs payments plus late fees).  And BM tells me today that she will miss SDs first softball practice this weekend because her H is driving in the demolition derby (which means he paid an entry fee, plus has a car to drive).

SD has also continued to be late for school every single day that BM drives her.  BM always has an excuse (her other daughter wouldn't get out of bed, the keys got locked in the car, and today she was straightening SDs hair and they got stuck behind a combine on the way).  But the school has already threatened to call a hearing with the truancy officer.  And SD gets really embarrassed and upset about being late.

So we have contacted our attorney and have statements from the orthodontist and the school.  We will be asking for child support, paid monthly and for no overnights during the week, during the school year.  It really sucks, because SD has done pretty well with the schedule the way it is.  WHY can't her mom just be responsible?

Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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Re: Here we go again.

  • karleegirlkarleegirl member
    Im sorry you're having to go through this. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. Good luck to you!
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    Does anyone know what happens if the school DOES call the truancy officer?
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    I'm sorry that sucks. Feels like our bmoms were cut from the same cloth-except ours uses lots of heroin which explains her behavior to some degree. I would bet this will be the last time you will be in court though. Once you have custody there's only so much she can do to disrupt. I see ourselves where you are in about two years. It sucks because you have to give them just enough rope to hang themselves, but the courts insist that's the best way to go about it so cest la vie.
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  • XCrissCrossXXCrissCrossX member

    Lurker-teacher butting in: in depends on the state and the district. Where I am, they'll call CPS on the parents if elementary kids aren't getting to school and they'll take secondary kids to court.

    For a first offense type of thing, if you explain to the truancy officer the situation, (s)he will probably give BM a strong warning and threaten to take her to court / fine her if it continues. 

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    You are going to court over $200?  Are you taking an attorney?  Because my attorney charges over $200 an hour. 

    I don't know about being late for school.  How late are we talking?  If it's just a few mins late I don't see how you can do much about it.  Do you really think the court is going to take overnights away from her mom because she is late to school?  At least she goes.  I dunno.  I understand your frustration though.

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  • offbeatmamaoffbeatmama

    I'm a lurker (normally on Starting Over and Single Parents). I don't have any advice on the custody problems but I work in the criminal justice system and have had plenty of cases where truancy was an issue. Usually the first time is a warning but I've had times where they fined right off the bat because the parent obviously didn't care. They almost always require that no more absences or tardies occur (they often make this a court order).

    If it keeps happening then the parents will be fined. I'm not sure about your area but in my jurisdiction if one parent can prove she or he did not have custody during the truancy incidents then they won't be fined but the other parent will be. Eventually it could be cause for a change in custody. I know one child was removed from her parents custody and placed with a relative because they simply could not get the child to school on time. The parents were ordered to pay the relative child support and were charged with criminal neglect. They served some time in jail and went through parenting classes but I don't think they ever got the child back.

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  • karleegirlkarleegirl member
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    You are going to court over $200?  Are you taking an attorney?  Because my attorney charges over $200 an hour. 

    I don't know about being late for school.  How late are we talking?  If it's just a few mins late I don't see how you can do much about it.  Do you really think the court is going to take overnights away from her mom because she is late to school?  At least she goes.  I dunno.  I understand your frustration though.

    Op said bm stopped paying her share of everything, it's not just $200. If the school us threatening with a truancy officer it's the tardiness is definitely an issue. I'm late for a lot of things, but 99% of the time my kids are at school on time.
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    You are going to court over $200?  Are you taking an attorney?  Because my attorney charges over $200 an hour. 

    I don't know about being late for school.  How late are we talking?  If it's just a few mins late I don't see how you can do much about it.  Do you really think the court is going to take overnights away from her mom because she is late to school?  At least she goes.  I dunno.  I understand your frustration though.

    No.  We're not going to court over $200.  We're going because she is court-ordered to pay half of all expenses and she pays nothing.  And we discussed SD getting braces at length, whether she could afford it and whether we could, and then she signed a contract with the orthodontist's office saying that it would be paid.  If she doesn't pay it, my SD can't continue treatment.  Which would mean jaw surgery later in her life and a lot of unnecessary pain and misery.

    Our attorney seems to think that the fact that she is consistently late, that the school has notified her that it's a problem, and that SD has to miss part of her recess every time it happens; coupled with the fact that she isn't providing any financial support, will be enough to restrict her visitation to EOW.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    imagepiffle42:

    imageFutureMrsWittig:
    Does anyone know what happens if the school DOES call the truancy officer?

    I believe parents can be fined and/or thrown in jail, but that is not always the case.  I would make sure you get some documentation from the school and the truancy officer about the problem and that it is BM's fault for court.

    Instead of cutting out overnights during the school year could you move it to weekends, like Fri and Sat nights and some vacations so you don't have to worry about SD being late and hopefully that won't be as big of an adjustment.

    I hope BM can get her act together!

    I wasn't very clear, we would just be seeking to cut out overnights that occur on school nights.  BM gets SD every Monday night and EOW Friday after school-Mon morning.  Essentially she would lose Monday overnights and Sunday night EOW.  My DH said he would like to still offer her the chance to pick her up from school and keep her until 7:30 so they could spend time together, do homework, eat dinner, etc...  We also talked about the possibility of giving her extra time over Christmas break and Summer vacation, when timing isn't such an issue. 

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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