Help...I don't want my DH 84yr. grandma to watch baby!! — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Help...I don't want my DH 84yr. grandma to watch baby!!

I'm so worried about my husbands 84 year old grandma watching our preemie. She's in ok health and is so excited to watch him when I go back to work in March. But what really scared me is when I had her take a CPR class with me the NICU nurse suggested us taking a small CPR class.We took the class together and she couldn't even do CPR because of her arthritis!!! Even the nurse made a commit to me when grandma was in the other room. The nurse asked if grandma was going to watch my son. I told her yes. Then she had this worried look on her face and said that she's going to have a problem doing CPR on my son if anything happens. I was so scared after that. My husband and I had agreed when I was pregnant to have great grandma baby sit my son when he was born. She's the only closest relative that will be able to.  BUT.......now that Cody was born at 30 weeks with kidney problems and he will be on dialysis 10 hours a day for 3 years, I'm having nightmares of ANYONE watching him now. I'm now looking into quiting my job, but haven't told my husband yet. I heard that I may be able to collect social security for my son and other assistance while I take care of him. Now I have to talk to my hubby about this (which I'm sure he'll be worried if I'm not working) and break the news to great grandma. Do you think I may be over reacting??

Re: Help...I don't want my DH 84yr. grandma to watch baby!!

  • If I was in your position I would want to be the one watching him if at all possable. I wouldn't worry about great grandma I don't think she will be hurt if it's you watching the baby. I would only worry if you went with daycare or a nanny instead of her. Just talk to DH and be honest with him. I have no idea if you can get any of that assistance or not I never heard of it.
  • I don't know your grandma so it's hard to say but I would be worried too. Just be honest w/your husband and hopefully you can find a way to stay home to care for your son, at least temporarily. Good luck!
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  • I don't think you are overreacting AT ALL. When you and your DH had decided that his great-grandmother would watch dc, you both were not expecting complications. If I were you --- I would quit my job and stay at home. You may have to downsize and get rid of certain bills but definitely worth it in my opinion. I don't think any 84 year old grandmother can handle a newborn --- most def. not a preemie w/kidney problems. Hopefully your DH will understand. Is your DC at home yet? I'm sure your DH will see how much hard work it is once your DC is discharged. GL!
  • I think if my child had that many problems that I wouldn't want anyone but me to watch him. ?I think you should look into everything you can and quit if it all possible. ?Can you work from home? Can you and your husband cut back to afford for you to SAH??

    And I really think that you should be able to get some sort of assistance. ?Talk to the local health dept or your dr (DS's dr) to find out all of the information that you can.

    Good Luck. ?

  • No way arey ou overreacting.  Talk to your husband.  Areyou able to SAH?  IF not, can you cut back on anything?  I did whatever took to SAH with my son and you can bet I'd have done ANYTHING to be with my little guy if he was having problems like yours is.

    Hugs to you!  Hope you can work it out.

  • not only is the CPR thing a problem,  but she's up their in years,  what if she has a heart attack or something or falls down and can't get up to take care of the baby?  elderly can be pretty frail. 

    i don't know, i would find something else. i wouldn't trust it.  GL

  • Yes, I agree. No, my baby is not home yet. He's still in the NICU. I'm sure once he's home my DH may have a change of heart and see that it will be to hard for grandma to watch the baby. Keep your fingers and toes crossed :)
  • Yes, I'm going to do everything I can to stay home with Cody and care for him. I know we can cut down on things and not spend a lot going out to fancy dinners. I wish I could work from home but not with the company I work for. It wouldn't be a option :( My husband is a Deputy Sheriff and with him working 2 overtime spots every two weeks would make up for my income loss. So he may have to do that. When we wanted to go on fancy weekend trips that were costly he would work a extra 16 hrs a month and we were set:)

     

    I'm also going to talk to my social worker and case worker at the NICU. I was told by the nurse that they know and can help me regarding special programs.

  • We moved to CA from TX when I was 8 months pregnant and I know how hard it is to feel isolated, really leaning on any family you have when it comes to the care of your child and what an awesome opportunity for you all to have GGma watch him BUT, I understand your hesitation and I think it's a valid concern!  It must have been disheartening to watch her fail the CPR test and get those looks from the Nurse and feel this might be a disaster instead of a blessing.  :( 

    I read through the posts and saw that you might have the option to SAH... I wish you the very best of luck and your baby is just gorgeous!!!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • I also feel that you are not over reacting, your child is in such a fragil state & needs close attention & care. I would make it a priority IMO to stay at home with him.  GL to you!
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  • You are not overreacting at all!!!  i was so glad to read through the posts and see that SAH is probably an option. Actually I would say it's definitely an option. I really think GG will understand and your DH too, when baby comes home.

    If it was me, there would be absolutely no question, I would be the one watching my child, as a preemie. I felt this way anyway, and my DS did not have any health issues.

    Take care of that precious angel!!!! Talk to DH! Good luck and keep us posted..I am sure you can work it out to SH.

  • While I understand that right now things are challenging with the fact that your baby is still in NICU, OTOH, I think you are overreacting a bit here...  O.k. arthritis does hurt, there's no question about it, if you were doing an activity that hurt that was a class/learning environment on "how to" you'd simply be listening to your body and not push things to the ultra-pain level of discomfort...  OTOH, put you into a setting that is life and death with the adrenaline flowing someone's life is in your hands, you aren't going to care about the pain level it might put you into and you're going to get the job done.  GGM took the time to take the class, she knows CPR isn't easy, but she does know the procedure involved.  OTOH, she's motivated enough to take the class, from what you've described, I don't think she'd hesitate when push comes to shove to save your child's life in the UNLIKELY event something were to happen.  9-1-1, unless you're in a very secluded part of the country responds within minutes to the scene.  First responders who are close to the site of the call go there first especially for PnB calls.  There are a lot of people in this world who instead of fight will flee an emergency situation, GGM sounds like she won't.

    Give things some time to see how they go.  Yes, your child is the center of your world, OTOH, your child also needs interaction with others as do you for both of your health.  I honestly have more fears of my MIL watching DD than you've got for GGM, my MIL would walk DD down the middle of the road in a stroller...  Yea, no matter how many times DH approached the subject she'd just wait a while then go right back to it...  She and DH also have the same response when it comes to emergency situations, neither is good with them and feel "uncomfortable" taking a CPR class so won't do it... 

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