What would you do? Family Issues.
alisonann15
member
My sister came to visit this weekend with my 6 year old niece. She has always been a hyper little girl, but now she is a 6 year old who: does not listen, constantly complains something is "not fair", walks into parking lots and into streets when she knows she should be holding an adults hand, has crying melt downs when she is told to do something, throws a fit when she is told to put on a certain outfit. The list is endless. I don't think we can let my niece visit once the baby gets here. My husband can barely stand to be around her for 2 days straight. My husband and I don't want her around the baby with how she behaves. I don't know how to tell my sister this or to help her fix the situation that has gotten very out of control. I just keep thinking, we will not let our daughter behave that way!!
Re: What would you do? Family Issues.
We have a family friend who has a kid like this that we are around alot. here's my 2 cents
I would personally just not say anything to your sister about it. It will only cause tension between you and her on a subject that cant be fixed. You are never going to agree with how everyone parents their child, all you can do is set limits with your own and make sure they are enforced 24/7.
As long as your child knows the rules that you have enforced with her, that should help her make the right decision.
First of all, I'd say try to reserve your judgement. Some kids, despite their parents efforts and best intentions, are just more strong-willed, demanding, and sometimes 'bratty'. I speak from experience as a parent of a very strong-willed 4 year old. (I'm not doubting your evaluation of your niece. I'm just saying try not to take it out on her and/or your sis.)
Your niece is your family and WILL eventually be in contact with LO, so I'm not sure why trying to prevent that is even an option. And would you really say to your sister, "Your DD cant come near our baby b/c she's a brat"? It's always a fine line when you're in contact with someone else's LOs, but I think that, considering she'd be in your home around your LO, you have some leeway when it comes to disciplining her. There's not much you can do about how your sister parents or the efforts she makes to 'right' the situation, but certainly if your niece is rude to you, attempts to harm the baby, or anything like that, you can encourage better behavior in her, without overstepping your bounds.
Good luck
I'd have to agree with this. You may regret being a bit judgemental at this point. And you'll certainly regret making a big deal of it with your sister. What exactly are you afraid she's going to do to the baby? Or are you afraid that bad behavior is contagious?
I'd give it some time and see how things actually go - instead of assuming an outcome. I've seen very precocious 6 year olds, turn into pretty decent 8 year olds. I've also seen pretty wild kids act very sweetly around babies. Give her a chance. If there's an actual issue, deal with it then.
This. Just say in the nicest way that it is not how you want her behaving around you/LO and since it is your house...it is your rules.
She should be able to oblige you to this situation, plus she can make you the 'bad guy' to your niece if she has a real problem with it--that may have to be your compromise!
All of this. And you really shouldn't worry that your LO is going to learn bad behaviors from your neice. Your neice is 6 years older and lives in another state, so it's highly unlikely that they're going to be close playmates or anything like that. They're separated by age and distance.
I'm lil ms bossy pants when it comes to kids- been teaching for too long to put up with it and if it's family, I'd be saying something directly to the child. "We don't do that in my house" sort of words work well. Of course, right after you have a baby- you wouldn't want to deal w/ that- so I'd say to your sister that you'd like her to visit only if she feels her daughter can stick to the rules. Does she realize how disrespectful and disobedient her kiddo is?
Ok well I kind of disagree with some of the other posters. I think it needs to be your house and your rules if they come to visit, and your sister needs to be ok with you correcting her daughter if she starts being a brat. The worst thing about being around other people's kids is not being able to correct them without stepping on the parent's toes, but all my friends know that if they want to bring their kids to my place i will step in if I see them doing something. I'm sorry if their toes feel stepped on because I corrected your kid when he was about to smear chocolate on my walls but that's tough. When we're out in public it's different, but my house... I'll speak up. A lot of the time though I've found that kids are more willing to listen to someone not their parents, i think it intimidates them more because they don't know exactly what they can get away with with you vs their parents.
As a FTM i will definitely NOT say that my kid will NEVER behave like that... i'm sure he'll be a brat sometimes, especially if he has asbergers like his father, but also i will respect if someone corrects him while in their home (or car)... as long as they aren't trying to backhand him or something.
Obviously your baby wont catch brattiness like a virus from your niece but you definitely dont need an obnoxious 6 year old around when you're trying to adjust to a baby of your own and on top of that feel powerless to correct your niece for fear of stepping on your sister's toes.
It would be fair and talk to your sister about it in a calm way.I think communicating with people is really important and that just sucking it up and dealing with things instead of discussing them can just breed resentment. Her daughter has behavior issues, they affect you in a negative way and will be even more stressful when you have a newborn. That doesn't make your niece a horrible kid or your sister a horrible parent, but it needs to be discussed instead of ignored before she comes to visit when the baby gets here or else it will just cause more grief.
Do what you agreed to do, don't take take money from the IL. That's what I would do.
My husband's brother's kids are like that - complete little hellions. While we don't have much of a relationship with his brother (he and his wife only come around when they need thier rent paid - let me add that they just bought a new 4-wheeler, have a 70 inch tv, and have over 1000 blu-rays), they won't be around our LO. When their daughter was 2, I told her not to do something, and she cocked back with "Shut up and go take a nap," and her mother didn't do anything! It took all I had to keep my hands to myself! They get into everything, scream, break things, and watch you and laugh while they continue to do what you just told them not to.
We will be telling them why the children are not welcome if they ever decide they want to come over (they've been to our house once and we've lived here 3 years), and we won't be taking the baby over there. I completely get it, and I think you should be honest with your sister.. she'll most likely get pissed, but who cares, she needs to control her child, and your LO doesn't need that in a role model!