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Helping Preschooler express sad feelings

bbe13bbe13 member
in Pre-School and Daycare
My dd just turned 4.  I am concerned about her ability or lack thereof to express her sad feelings...  if something makes her feel sad she doesn't want to talk about it,For example, the other day we were watching a TV show and something on it made her sad, I could tell she was sad and tried to comfort her and reassure her and she kept insisting she was fine and then burst into tears but kept saying she was fine...  After some time I finally got her to tell me she was sad because she didn't like the idea on the show (it was the fresh beat band graduation episode and they were talking about graduating and not being a band anymore...)  I felt so badly that she couldn't/wouldn't let herself feel sad about it and know it was okayto feel sad...  I'm concerned I am doing something that is making her feel this way...  can't think of what, I always try to acknowledge her good and bad feelings and am at a loss...  she also has difficulty with any kind of conflict on TV (like she gets upset at Chuggington because they typically learn from their mistakes and she gets very upset before they make their mistake and doesn't want to watch it...  her brother enjoys the show which is the only reason it is on and i try to get her to do something else with me while he watches...  )  anyway I am wondering if it is the age and/or maybe we should cut out tv we prob watch about 1 to 2 hours a day tops...  but then I don't want to excessively shield her from the idea of conflict like on Chuggington...  I don't know guess I am just wondering if anyone else has experience with this and what their thoughts are...  TIA
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Re: Helping Preschooler express sad feelings

  • howleyshellhowleyshell member

    If these incidences tend to be TV related then yes, I'd turn it off.   There's a difference in "shielding" her from real life emotions and experiences vs. shielding her from a 30 minute episode that doesn't always accurately depict the natural time line progression of conflict, emotion and resolution.  If she can't handle it well at this age then turn it off and try exposing her to it again down the road once she's a bit more mature.  Focus more on dealing with expressing emotions in a real life context first.

    The next time she's sad about something that's happening to HER encourage her to talk about it.  She may be able to communicate better about being sad about something in real life that's happening to her vs. sad about something happening to a character on a show.

    Beyond that the only suggestion I have is to take time to talk about your own feelings.  The next time something happens that makes YOU sad tell her what you're feeling.   We're dealing with this a lot right now with my Dad going thru cancer.  I get sad.  I cry.  I can't always hide it from them even though I try not to expose them to too much of it.   I try to explain it to the boys.  One of them seems fine with it while the other gets really upset and tells me he's sad that I'm sad.  It's life and it's what's happening to our family.  I use it as a chance to explain to them that I am sad and that's OK.  I tell them what I'm feeling and why and then explain to them all the positive things we have going in our lives and how that makes me feel happy and in the end I have WAY more happy in my life than sad but it's OK to express both.

    Modeling labeling, expressing and dealing with emotions is the number one way they learn about them. 

    At 4 it's hard to find the words to express emotions sometimes.  

    Another thought is to hit the library for books specifically talking about identifying emotions.  You can search in advance of your trip or talk to a librarian once you're there.  I've found our librarians can put their hands on a half dozen books about almost any topic if I'll just ask for their help.  We've used them for everything from potty training to first dentist trips to naming and expressing emotions.

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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  • bbe13bbe13 member
    Thanks so much for responding and sharing, it was helpful.  I'm sorry to hear about your father, that cannot be easy I wish you, your dad and your family the best.  Thanks again.
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  • ikaieikaie
    Interesting, although Ive never had to deal with that. But at the moment, my family is experiencing a very difficult situation and my 5YO has been traumatized. Luckily I have taught her to open up to me so we have our moments when we talk about her emotions. Just the other day, we were discussing being sad and i found it a bit difficult to explain that its a part of life, but not to dwell on the sad things and always remember and try to be happy. It is quite hard to explain to a young child especially with what we are facing. It breaks my heart to not have the answers to some of her questions or what she says she feels like her chest hurts because her heart is breaking. I think in your situation books from the library would help, but I found that just taking the time to give your child some one on one to talk to her really makes a difference. I am glad my daughter is able to communicate with me and that she knows that line of communication is always open. We have no secrets although I do try to spare her at times. I just rather console her than make her feel worse. I feel like we communicate the way my father and I did which is why we have a more open communication. I assure her that she can always confide in me.
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