I'm not really all that bad.

Mandiemn · April 2012

I feel like an evil jerk when I hear about people being pregnant. I would never ever never wish the pain of losing a baby on anyone, but I don't want them to have a baby. I want my baby. I'm better than they are. I would be a better parent. I would love my child more and they will grow up to be a better person than yours will.

I'm a terrible person.

foxxy1 · April 2012

You're not a bad person, honey. You're grieving. I can't tell you the number of times those exact same thoughts have run through my head. And you know what? I'm sure other women on here can relate.

No one really tells us that resentment is a natural part of the grieving process. *hugs*

Mandiemn · April 2012

I just get scared at how much resentment and jealousy I feel. Even towards family members that I love dearly.

weddedwife · April 2012

foxxy1:
You're not a bad person, honey. You're grieving. I can't tell you the number of times those exact same thoughts have run through my head. And you know what? I'm sure other women on here can relate.
No one really tells us that resentment is a natural part of the grieving process. *hugs*

This exactly. I hope I won't be this way forever. But I know I will definitely always be different than I was.

GatorBaby2012 · April 2012

weddedwife:
foxxy1:
You're not a bad person, honey. You're grieving. I can't tell you the number of times those exact same thoughts have run through my head. And you know what? I'm sure other women on here can relate.
No one really tells us that resentment is a natural part of the grieving process. *hugs*
This exactly. I hope I won't be this way forever. But I know I will definitely always be different than I was.

All of this.

csspencer · April 2012

It's all a part of grieving. I still get bitter toward certain pregnant people, i.e. my cousin who has 2 children and a 3rd on the way by 3 loser fathers. None of which work or pay any type of child support. And father of this baby has been arrested who knows how many times for drug dealing. She just used her tax refund to bail him out. However, I was so happy when one of my closest friend's wife had a baby a couple weeks ago. It's a process and it will fade. However, I'll always be bitter toward moron parents. (Although I think I judged them before the m/c too)

JennOH85 · April 2012

Mandiemn:
I just get scared at how much resentment and jealousy I feel. Even towards family members that I love dearly.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I get so angry and so jealous, even of family, that it's embarrassing. My SIL has three beautiful children and I love my nieces and nephew dearly. However, at Easter dinner, my MIL noted that my SIL served a bottle of wine called "Three Wishes" and explained how it was a perfect because she's got her three kids and they're her three wishes. I wanted to to throw my fork and yell, "Are you kidding me, right now?"

Sometimes I feel like a child screaming that things aren't fair because I'm somehow surprised that the world doesn't operate with justice. Nature doesn't have a sense of fairness, only people do. So in that sense, I think you're perfectly justified to think things aren't fair. Don't punish yourself for your feelings and don't fall into the trap of thinking you're a terrible person. You aren't. You're just trying to make sense of a world that doesn't seem to make sense anymore.

I agree with the PP that no one prepares us for the resentment we'll feel. Big hugs to you, dear.

psychmajormom · April 2012

No, you're not a terrible person! what you are feeling is completely normal, I feel that way myself sometimes. ((((hugs))))

EKGibs · April 2012

you're not a terrible person at all. sometimes I feel the same way. ((((hugs))))))

AngnShaun · April 2012

Mandiemn:
I just get scared at how much resentment and jealousy I feel. Even towards family members that I love dearly.

i know exactly what you mean.

JellyTwoPointO · April 2012

foxxy1:
You're not a bad person, honey. You're grieving. I can't tell you the number of times those exact same thoughts have run through my head. And you know what? I'm sure other women on here can relate.
No one really tells us that resentment is a natural part of the grieving process. *hugs*

This. (((((huge hugs)))))

mrsgaines100 · April 2012

I think that kind of thinking just shows how in pain you are, not that you are a bad person. I had some really bitter days!!! They went away. For the most part. Big hugs!!

jenn0021 · April 2012

You are not a terrible person. Every single feeling you are experiencing is completely normal and don't let anyone tell you differently. Sending you some ((hugs)).

I think that resentment and jealousy are my two biggest problems right now. I hate everyone who is pregnant, no matter how much I liked them before they got pg.

paisleybaby33 · April 2012

You are NOT a bad person. As PPs stated, this is all part of the grieving process. I know for me, those thoughts run through my head often too, and I get so angry at myself for thinking and feeling that way (because I, like you, do not feel as though I am a bad person). It is my hope and prayer for you that these thoughts will simply become less and less frequent, and you will continue to find the peace that comes with healing. Hugs, sweetie!

chrisleath · April 2012

foxxy1:
You're not a bad person, honey. You're grieving. I can't tell you the number of times those exact same thoughts have run through my head. And you know what? I'm sure other women on here can relate.
No one really tells us that resentment is a natural part of the grieving process. *hugs*

This...

melly918 · April 2012

I feel a lot of bitterness and resentment towards pg people at work. I avoid them as much as I can because seeing their big bellies is like a knife in the heart. I have thoughts where I am wishing ill will on them because I am so incredibly jealous that they were able to get as far along as they are and I failed to do that.

Laurakat81 · April 2012

Mandiemn:
I just get scared at how much resentment and jealousy I feel. Even towards family members that I love dearly.

(((hugs))) Those feelings are overwhelming and I've been right there and still sometimes am right there. You are not a bad person. Just the simple fact that you are aware of these feelings is a good sign. They won't be there forever. You will work through them and find some peace.

shellyco · April 2012

As PPs said, it is completely normal. My CP was months ago and I still catch myself feeling resentment towards people who I feel don't deserve to have their children (sometimes it feels like everyone). I think, "I am a good person, I'll be a great mom, why did it happen to me?" We're all in the same boat, and we're all good people with shitty luck.

littleusfamily · April 2012

((hugs))

I feel the same way I saw a random lady in Target yesterday who was pregnant. She was working and my first thought was "stupid B".

I was shocked. I called a friend who has dealt with three losses around viability and she said she felt the same exact way for a long time but it does get better but some people will still always make you feel that way!

I think for me I was jealous, not only that she pregnant but that she was working. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work during a pregnancy again and that's not really an option money wise for us!

CCline09 · April 2012

Yup. Had those exact same thoughts. I read an article on yahoo about a ten year old having a freakin baby...what the heck.

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