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Trying to Get Pregnant
OnBabymaking226
member
Trying to Get Pregnant For a Specific Time Period
OnBabymaking226
member
Hi All,
I introduced myself a week or so ago, and have already learned so much by reading these boards.
I want to preface this by making sure no one gets the impression that you can snap your fingers and get pregnant, as I most certainly DON'T! I have so much anxiety over the possibility of having difficulty getting pregnant, so I hope it doesn't come off like that.
My question is how do you ladies feel about trying to get pregnant for a specific time period and then putting it on hold? My story is this - my husband is starting law school in August, but we would like to start a family before he is done. We are thinking of trying for a few months that would have the potential due date over the summer, to give him a few months to make the adjustment of father and student.
I'm worried it is almost "bad mojo" to put it out there and then "take it back"? Just would like to know what some other ladies think of this! I would love to chat with girlfriends about this, but 1. husband and I decided not to tell anyone until we are indeed pregnant, and 2. none of them are even married, and would not be able to relate.
Thank you!
Our Baby Girl, Emma, changed our lives forever when she was born 12-19-13 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Trying to Get Pregnant For a Specific Time Period
Sounds like an idea you would regret, but to each his own!
Good luck making the decision either way! Fingers crossed that you have no trouble getting pregnant!
I can somewhat relate to this. My situation is this:
I work in the Sports Medicine department of a local hospital as an athletic trainer contracted to local high schools. The busiest time of year for me is August-February (fall is football/soccer season, and winter is basketball....so lots of injuries and games during that time frame). I go from working anywhere between 50-80 hrs/week in the fall/winter to around 30 in the spring/summer. So, for me, the "easiest" time for me to have a baby is in the late winter/spring. This allows for me to have the baby and take maternity leave when I don't feel like I'm leaving my co-workers with a ridiculous amount of work to pick up, and also I would return to work in the summer when my schedule would be easier to manage the "back to work" transition. I am able to make my own schedule, with few exceptions, in the summer.
With all of this said, this is the ideal situation for me, but I am also not going to stop TTC if we do not conceive w/i this time frame. My work schedule is already quite crazy, but I refuse to put my life on hold, or change is drastically, just because it would be "convenient".
DH and I are "not not trying" at the moment, and are debating on putting more "effort" into it. We're just kind of enjoying our stress-free sex life at the moment. I'm hoping to conceive sometime between now and August, which would put us at an EDD of December - April. However, if we do not concieve by August, I highly doubt that we would just quit TTC.
TTC since June 2010.
DX hypothyroidism, pituitary hyperfunction, and PCOS.
On med/treatment break indefinitely. Not currently trying.
Lots of love to all of my Golden Girls!
The Vagtastic Voyage
My H and I couldn't put TTC on hold for that kind of a reason. Even now, we're having to live apart 80% of the time for a year, and we'd gladly accept a BFP at any point!
You could TTC for a few months like you've said and then see how you feel. You could also start charting now to get a handle on your cycles.
BFP #2 12/20/11 | EDD 8/24/12 | Natural M/C 12/22/11
BFP #3 5/13/12 (Mother's Day!) | EDD 1/23/13 | Natural M/C 6/9/12 (blighted ovum discovered 6/7/12 at 7w1d)
"And to think when their little eyes opened, the first thing they saw was the face of Jesus."
My Ovulation Chart | My Baby Name List
I agree with some PPs that it might be hard to go from the excitement of TTC to waiting (I know for me it would be nearly impossible) but honestly you need to do what is right for your family.
Having a new baby is stressful (wonderful, but stressful) and so is starting law school (my sister's husband just graduated from law school and it was a lot, even for him - he has always been extremely studious), so if you and your husband think it would be too much for him all at once it might be smart to TTA for a few months.
It's not going to be an easy decision, I'd sit down with your DH and really talk it through. Hopefully you'll just be lucky and get pregnant quick and not have to worry about it. Good luck!
BFP #1 5/12/12; EDD 1/20/13; Eliana Grace born 1/25/13
BFP #2 12/11/13; EDD 8/23/14; M/C 6 weeks
BFP #3 4/3/14; EDD 12/13/14
This
BFP #1:10/31/10 DS born 6/22/11BFP #3:4/24/12 DD born 12/31/12
A friend from law school was going to do the same thing. Except she was the one in law school. She got pregnant the first month they tried and is due a week after finals.
I don't think it's a bad idea. But like someone else said, it can be hard to stop trying to TTC after you've started. Plan for that. Or plan to not stop trying.
I rodeo professionally and all our finals are in Dec and Jan so when we started trying I just assumed we would be pregnant by now and I'd be good to go by then. Well Jan is the least convenient month for me to have a baby so this is probably our month to get KU and I could careless if I miss all the finals now even though it has been a goal of mine for years.
This is pretty much my situation too. Ideally we'd love to conceive in July so my mat leave would be right before my summer off, but if that doesn't happen I can't imagine going back to TTA. I'll just be happy if it happens at all.
Mom to 4 wonderful children: T(8), B(6) ,M(3), and A(1)
My DH graduated from law school and we put off TTC while he was in school. I could NOT imagine having a baby while my husband was in school. He is very academic and really did well and I would say between classes and studying etc he was putting in over 80 hours a week and Finals were a whole different beast and he would NOT have been able to help me and we felt that if he wasn't sleeping well because I small baby wakes up a lot in the night that he just wouldn't do well.
We knew it wouldn't work for us- my DH wanted to be able to parent equally when we have a baby and we both knew that it just wouldn't be possible with the demands of law school not to mention the COST of law school! Not the risk we were willing to take and I am glad we waited.
To each their own
LMFAO! But this 100 %
see more After 12
Just because something isn't happening for you right now doesn't mean it will never happen.
IUI #1 - BFN IUI #2 - BFN
IVF - Starting injects May 25 IVF #1 - BFP!
This!
____________________________________________________________________________________
TTC #1 since 10/11
BFP #1-10/01/12 | ended in m/c11/19/12
Jan-2013-Cycle 10: Clomid 50mg + Trigger + TI = BFN
Feb-2013-Cycle 11: Benched due to cysts.
March-2013-Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg + Trigger + TI = BFP
4/22/13-Beta#1 33.9-- 4/24/13-Beta#2 117
EDD 12/30/13
I don't think the universe will punish you for doing that but you could regret the lost time later. I briefly considered what would be the best time for a baby and what timing we should aim for then qucikly decided it doesn't matter. Anytime is great with me. I don't want to miss out on the opportunity that each month brings.
This. MH and I have decided that we will plan to avoid in order to avoid a July and August due date. My sister is getting married OOT in July 2013 and I'm MOH. The family drama that would result from having a conflicting due date and/or being to pregnant to travel long distances is just not worth it. However, in making this decision we recognized that the best laid plans often go awry. If things go differently, we'll just have to deal with it and so will our family, but at least we are doing what we can to keep family peace.
I know many people would not avoid for the same reason, but MH and I know this is what is best for our family (both us and extended).
Me too!
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
Obviously, only you all are able to make the right decision for your family, but I would really urge you to wait.
Speaking from experience: MH is now a fourth year attorney in big law, and I work in legal recruiting/professional development. We met in college so we were together throughout law school. Law school AND the summers in between are all consuming. The legal market is tougher now than ever. To line up a good job after law school you have to do very well in school and you need to work both summers after your 1L (usually an unpaid or very low paid internship) and 2L (summer associate gig) years. Summer after 3L, as I'm sure you know, will be consumed with studying for the bar.
Knowing what we know now about being parents, there is no way we could have had a child and kept it together while he was in law school.
You have to do what's right for you and your husband. That said, having a baby while your husband is in law school may give him more time with you than if you have one in the first few years after he graduates. New lawyers usually work like dogs their first few years in a firm.
My husband just finished law school a couple of years ago. Yes he was stressed and always studying (especially the first year) but he was home a lot. He opted not to work during the school year and we set up a home office for him. That way he could go in, shut the door and have quiet study time.
Baby #1, born 3/1/13, Baby #2 due 12/13/14
Gee whiz, I have been going back and forth about what kind of advice to give you. The bottom line is that being an attorney is not family friendly. I know because I am an attorney. There's no way I could have handled a baby during my first year in law school. Second year... maybe. But if he's on law review and/or interviewing for BigLaw jobs, the fall of his second year will be the busiest time of his law school career. Maybe after that (spring semester). Not during my summer associateship (summer after second year). Maybe third year. No way while studying for the bar exam, and no way during my first year at a law firm. I mean, obviously it's totally up to you and it definitely depends on what kind of law he goes into. Things might be a bit easier in some other non-BigLaw careers (but maybe not - it really depends on what specifically he's doing and where you live). I ended up waiting to have our first son until I was in my second year at a big firm and even then I think I tanked my career. (I wouldn't change a thing, but let's note that I left a BigLaw job that I really loved and made good $$$ at shortly after coming back from maternity leave.) It's different for men, but a LOT of women that I know put off TTC until they made partner (which is like 10 years out for you right now). As I said, it really depends on his specific field, but I'm giving you my experience. And I wanted to gear you up for spending a LOT of time parenting solo if you decide to have kids any time soon.
Good luck with your decision!
I agree with this.
Falling in Love! November 2014
Kristina I'm in the same boat as you. In the beginning I was like this. I hate myself for ever thinking that I would not want a december, january or february baby. After the loss of our baby {also due in November} I would take a baby any day, any time. I don't care how hectic my life gets if it's in december with the holidays, I don't care if i'm stuck in the house in Jan & Feb cause it's freezing or if it's our busy season and I have to turn down a job or two... none of that seems to matter anymore. I just want a healthy baby!!!
I just want to so sincerely thank everyone for their very very kind words, advice, and thoughts. It has all been very helpful.
I am still really at a loss for what I want to do, and my husband seems to be on board for just about anyting. On one hand, I think I will regret not starting to try earlier if we end up having difficulty (for those that suggested waiting until after law school), and on the other, I don't want to practically be a single parent. We are young, but waiting a few years into his law career would bring us to a much higher age than we were ever planning on just beginning to try for a family.
I think this is something we will just have to spend a lot of time talking about to try and decide what is really best for us. I am still on BCPs (going off in about a week, when this pack is over - will be the first time I have been off in 7 years, anxious for what that will bring!), so I may have months ahead of me waiting for my cycle to regulate either way.
I also just wanted to note that I was extremely nervous to post this here, and the few snarky responses were exactly why. I would never be so condescending and rude as I felt some were ("umm no") to someone who was respectfully and genuinely asking for thoughts, opinions, and support. There is a way to disagree without being rude about it, like the great majority of the supportive women who replied to this thread did. Thank you very much, ladies.
For what it is worth, I thought I'd quickly mention that my husband is going to law school part-time, and on a full scholarship; though by no means do I think that alleviates the hardship of being a law student.
I'm in a very similar situation, only my mom & dad know that we're even considering TTC, none of my friends are married or thinking of kids.
With my husband's job we'll be moving a lot (& leaving the country) so if we don't get KU in the next 3 months we're going to put it on hold for about 2 years so that we'll be back in the country for pregnancy/delivery. Unfortunately I think the "pressure" of 3 months versus 2 years is screwing with my cycle already so I don't have a ton of hope that we'll get lucky especially because I haven't temped or charted yet (will start if I get a BFN this month) and that'll only leave us 2 months because if I don't deliver by March/April LO would be too young for me to feel comfortable with on a long flight.
FX for you, I think it'll be hard and as of right now I wish I had started temping/charting in advance have you started either?
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Diagnosed hypothyroidism.
I am also a lawyer and I agree with many of the statements of the previous lawyers and wives of lawyers here-the first year is extremely brutal, second year summer is crucial to jobs and the summer after graduation is spent on the bar exam.
You did mention your husband is part time. I went to a school with a part time program and they were slammed. Working (or not) law school is extremely time-consuming and is very prestige driven, with the focus on grades, class standing and other things that one class or one final can change forever. Further, if he is on a full scholarship-is that tied to a GPA? Mine was, and you had to remain in the top 10% to keep it. Well, funny thing, there were more than 21 people (which was how many could be in the top 10%) that had the scholarship to start with, so the pressure there was even more intense. I am not sure where you live, but where I am, many of the part time people were working to transfer to the day division, since night students were considered second class citizens by many employers, as it is generally easier to get into a part time program.
If I was in your shoes, having been through law school and the scholarship chase, I would not do anything until after he completes his first semester. Then you can see where his GPA is, what he wants to do career-wise and how much time he is having to spend on studying.
We had people in our class going through the exact same type of situation, and I can tell you having a pregnant wife, a final that is 100% of your grade and having to keep a certain GPA to get a job and keep a scholarship is far too much to do to do it all well, and there were lots of fathers to be wishing they had waited just a few months to get a better sense of what the hell was happening.
I think it would be best for your family to wait until he has a semester under his belt to make such a huge move. Good luck!
You've already been given great advice. But I also wanted to add my two cents as an attorney who is married to an attorney. :-) You mentioned in your reply that he's going part time, so I'm guessing he'll be in school for 4 years (unless he takes summer courses too) and will also be working either FT or PT? That could actually be more stressfull and time consuming than going FT to school for 3 years. I went to get my LLM after I was working so I've done the working FT and going to school PT thing and I can tell you that for those two years my then-boyfriend barely saw me. So I think both of you talking about this more is a good thing. The time during school and just after graduation is going to be stressful. But I also understand not wanting to wait because here I am at 38 trying for my first.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
TTC since August 2011, Me = 40, DH = 38
Unexplained IF. Tried Clomid for 3 cycles. All BFNs. BFP 1/6/13. Chemical pregnancy.
Moving on to IVF#1. ER 11/26/13, 16 eggs retreived, 12 mature and all fertilized. 2 blasts transferred on 12/1. All other embies arrested so nothing left to freeze. Beta 12/10 = BFN. IVF #2 March 2014. BFP!!! TEAM BLUE!!!
Hey- my husband is also an attorney and for 90% of people it would be a really stupid idea to have a baby during law school. That being said you and your husband may be the 10% that can pull it off- you never know. Only you know your situation.
I'm just really glad that my husband and I made the decision to wait until he was done w/ law school and had established himself as an attorney. We're in our very early 30s now. Regardless of what happens our future children will thank us for it. We are about to start trying, but even if we can't have our own children we will have adopted children and they will enjoy the financial security. I have put off having children for a few years because I could live with adopting children - but I understand that not everyone can. That being said we have dear friends who were 32 when the husband entered law school and put off having children until he was done. They had to have invitro to conceive and if they could do it again they may have started trying at 32 instead of 35/36.
It also sends the message that you are not that serious about your legal career if you have a baby in your early 20s and you're in law school in the north east (I think this is different in the south/ mid west.) Have you ever heard of lawyer jokes? They exist because attorneys aren't known for being very nice people. Keep in mind that your husband's fellow classmates will use the disadvantages being a parent will impose on his schedule against him. I've seen it done in law school and to new associates. Your husband will also have to work like a dog once he starts practicing.
Again- you may the 10%- so I don't want to discourage you. I do know of one couple who is doing really well. The wife is a teacher and she is also financially independent so they owned a fairly large house (that they still live in w/ 2 kids) while her husband was in law school.
Basically, if you're financially independant and have a job with a mom friendly schedule you might as well go for it- understanding that you will probably have to people to take care of- your baby and your husband (in that you must keep the baby from disturbing his studies and networking) for the first couple years of your baby's life.
People who aren't attorneys or married to attorneys won't get it. If you know someone you who is married to an attorney/ law student and had a baby durng this time I recommend talking to them. You could subtly say, "We've thought about having kids during law school, but we think it may be a better idea to wait." See what they say- this doesn't make it look like you're trying to get pregnant- it shows that you're just contemplating.
This is just my opinion- only you can guess what you will be able to handle and you and your husband may not be as ambitious as we are. It's not that we put work first- it's that we put the quality of life of our future children ahead of our desire to have children immediately. (Plus we had some awesome vacations!)