Our sleeping arrangement (lil' long)

CJJ1016 · April 2012

DH has been sleeping in a different room since I was maybe.. 8.5 months pregnant? This was a mutual decision as I needed more room in the bed and my constant getting up to pee or tossing & turning was keeping him from getting good sleep and I felt bad that he had to get up for work after crappy sleep all the time.

Then DD came and he slept in the same room for a week or so (on a mattress on the floor) and then I felt so bad that he was waking up with us every time she fussed and then had to get up and go to work after crappy sleep again. So he's back in the other bedroom. Now I sleep in 'our' room with DD. We have a p-n-p that she refused to sleep in so we haven't tried her in that for a while, I bought a little co-sleeper bassinet that I put in bed with me and she will usually sleep her first shift in that (2-4 hours usually) but after she wakes up she doesn't want to fall back asleep in it and I'm too exhausted to hold her for an hour until she's sleeping deeply enough not to notice. So she'll sleep on my chest, or she apparently LOVES sleeping on my boppy pillow. I've let this go 'cause it works well enough for now.

My concern is that she's getting to the point where she'll be rolling over soon and I'm terrified that she's gonna roll over and suffocate in the boppy pillow or roll off my chest, etc. But she just seems so much happier in my arms (or with the stupid pillow) and I'm struggling to make her sleep in her bassinet.

On top of which, I really miss DH but at this point there wouldn't even be room for him in the bed and I do feel that it's better for him to get a good nights rest.

vent.. over.

pixieprincss · April 2012

At 6 weeks you largely just go with what works, IMO. That said, I would hold her over having her sleep on the Boppy. You will remain much more aware of her if she is on you. DS didn't roll in his sleep until he was 9 months old, but even if that is the case with your kiddo pillows aren't a great idea. Are you familiar with the rules of safe bed-sharing? Check this out, if you are not: https://nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html.
With some tweaks, you may be closer to a great setup than you think.

From your phrasing, it sounds like you are concerned about DH's sleep. But, how does he feel? Do you know, or are you assuming? (I tend to be an assumer and have to fight my mature on that, LOL!) Every family dynamic is different, but it turned out that my DH was fine with the quick night-wakings (not quick for me as I tended to DS, but quick for DH who could settle back to sleep). DH also was fine with making some sacrifices on nights when I needed support. I would plan to be the primary parent from 10pm to 6am, but sometimes life happens. We went through all sorts of setups in the early days but ultimately fell in love with DH and I sleeping in our queen bed with DS in his crib side-carred to the bed next to me. It made night-nursing easy and we stocked a diaper-change bag at the bed so I wouldn't have to get up for that. Plus, water, snacks, book, and flashlight for me so if I had needs in the night, I was set.

Give something new a try. If it doesn't work--try something new. If it does, enjoy it while it lasts and then reconfigure when baby changes again. Baby sleep is quite a journey, so stay flexible, be kind to yourself, and set reasonable expectations, also keep talking to your DH to make sure you both are on the same page.

Hang in there, mama. These first weeks are all about survival and it sounds like you are on a great path!

nosoup4u · April 2012

Aw, hang in there! Have you tried side-lying nursing, and then leaving her on her side? I did that with both my kids, and I think side-lying is actually not considered tummy sleeping. It also seemed to keep them sleeping, unlike putting them on their backs. Everyone seems to love the Rock n Play bassinets, maybe try that - because it's at an angle, like the Boppy pillow, she might really like it.

It'll get better, six weeks is still really early, and you basically just do what works when it comes to sleep. If it's any consolation, my DH slept in another room the last month or so I was pregnant with my younger son.

DH and I also go through phases where he sleeps in another room, either for his sanity or mine (DS2 sleeps in our room). Right now he and I are starting the night in our guest bed, and then I'll go sleep with DS2 when he wakes (I'm currently night weaning, but we're also trying to get him more used to sleeping independently, but we don't want to rearrange rooms before he's doing it, etc. etc.).

Long story short - I think people sleeping in different beds sometimes is a great unspoken secret of a lot of families. Do what works. And as long as you guys are open about why you're sleeping apart, I don't think it's a big deal, you know? You'll be back in the same bed together (...someday, ha ha ha)!

KateLouise · April 2012

We made the choice when LO was born for DH to sleep in the spare room and DD2 to sleep with me. That way he could get up if DD1 needed us in the night, and I was obviously looking after DD2...so that way rather than both of us waking to both children, we are each getting as much sleep as possible.

We're just now looking at DH coming back to our bed.

Definitely look up safe bedsharing practices. Have you tried swaddling LO? Both my LOs have had to be swaddled to sleep any length, and like pp suggested DD2 prefers being on her side.

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Our sleeping arrangement (lil' long)

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