I have reached my breaking point :(

kelkel09 · April 2012

I have been super emotional and in a depressed funk lately. I have tried to stay postive throughout throughtout this whole journey, but I have hit a wall.

Ethan has been off the vent and ready to come home for a few weeks now, but we have been dealing with endless paperwork and all the logistical issues involved in getting him home. He will be getting 16 hours a day of private nursing so it takes a lot to get that set up (dealing with insurance, medicaid, the nursing agency). It's extremely frustrating. We thought maybe he would be home by the end of March, but no. Then we hoped he would be home by Easter, but no. Now it's not even looking good for this week.

Every day that he isn't home I have been just crying and so depressed. I try to be positive and remember how thankful I am that he is even alive and doing as well as he is, but I just can't do this anymore. It has been just about 8 months of revolving my life around going to a hospital 7 days a week, not seeing any friends or family or having time to do ANYTHING, holidays that we don't get to spend home as a family, and not having my twins be together like they should. I just want this to be over!!

On top of that, it doesn't help that every day I am getting texts/fb msgs/calls from people asking if Ethan is home yet. I mean, I appreciate that everyone cares, but at the same time it is so frustrating. When I have an update on his discharge, I will be the first person to shout it from the rooftops.

sorry just had to vent

DrRx · April 2012

I'm so sorry for all that you've had to go through. I can't even begin to imagine having to go to the hospital for 8 months and still not have your son home. I understand what you mean about trying to stay positive throughout the journey, but sometimes you just can't.

I hope that your son will be able to come home soon. And don't apologize for venting--you totally deserve a vent over the fact that the reason he isn't home is bureaucratic crap and red-tape!

SushiNoMore · April 2012

I'm so sorry. That's sounds incredibly challenging, and you are one strong mama for going through everything you have. Are you talking with a counselor, etc.? I saw one for PTSD after my preemies birth, and it was SO helpful. Either way, you should be extremely proud of yourself. You've done an amazing job.

Sending you huge hugs. I wish there was something else I could offer, but you and your family will certainly be in my thoughts.

JuliaJAG · April 2012

Aw... vent away... I am so sorry this has been such an ordeal!! You -- and Ethan -- are AMAZINGLY strong for getting through all that you have. It's been barely 8 weeks for us and I'm going through similar emotions; I can only imagine having to endure such a roller coaster for 8 months. Really hope Ethan can come home very soon!!! Big hugs to you!!

AlwaysSunny925 · April 2012

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds horrible, especially since it's paperwork keeping you from going home. I really hope everything gets squared away soon and you get to have your precious baby home in no time.

I feel you about the questions. That was my least favorite question from everyone. It's ok to be annoyed about that.

ashk7 · April 2012

My heart goes out to you and you family, I can't imagine how hard your situation must be. I totally understand how you feel when you said I should be thankful that he is here and doing well. But you are allowed to be angry at the cards you've been dealt!!! Thats what my mom told me, let it out and vent away. Hopefully he will be home soon and you will have both your babies home and be able to put this chapter behind you!!! Lots of hugs!!!

Nicole8184 · April 2012

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. As if a baby being born early isn't stressful enough. I know it is easy for me to say, but you are in the home stretch. It is all coming to an end and he will be home with you soon. Hang in there just a little longer. XOXO

lemen99 · April 2012

hugs!!!!

JoJoGee · April 2012

Ugh! Nursing was the reason Lily's homecoming was delayed as well. If you have any questions about nursing or DME companies just PM me.

FYI, I think the home stretch is the worst. Knowing your baby is healthy enough to come home, but can't because of all the other red tape - infuriating! You have the right to be upset. Left Hug

vsalt31 · April 2012

You have to be one of the strongest women on all of these boards. Youre doing great & certainly allowed to vent. I will be keeping you & your family in my thoughts.

haziedaze · April 2012

Sending tons of hugs, thoughts and prayers your way! You've been an amazing sport through this ordeal, hoping he's home very soon!

daphne814 · April 2012

I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how incredibly frustrating that is. Especially the part about the texts. I can totally relate. Sending you some big (((hugs))) and I hope Ethan gets to come home really soon!

gringa78 · April 2012

((HUGS))

kelkel09 · April 2012

Thank you so much ladies! Today was another rough day, but coming back here and reading all these kind and supportive posts means a lot to me. It's great to have a board like this with wonderful women like yourselves.

A few people asked if I have seen a counselor. No, I haven't, but I have often thought about it. I did start looking into it at one point, but to be honest I just felt like I have no time to do anything so I didn't know how would I make time to go see a therapist. I am know realizing that I need to make it more of a priority. I guess I have been just going and going for so long that I kept pushing my feelings in and now they are all bubbling up to the surface.

adrielegorburu · April 2012

Chin up mama! You've really been through it and I hope he comes home soon and you get your LOs together again! hugs

sedge1 · April 2012

I'm so sorry you are feeling that way! Vent away! I HATED when people would constantly ask when DD would be home. I finally made it known to everyone that I didn't want to be asked anymore, and that when she was coming home, I'd let EVERYONE know!

I saw a counselor after DD was home and it helped me a lot. You definitely get lost in dealing with everything else and forget to take care of yourself! I would highly recommend making that a priority!

Keep your head up and I hope DS is home with you soon!

Mrs. Alice · April 2012

Oh I am so sorry, big hugs! Left Hug

That is so frustrating after all you have been through. I'm praying that Ethan's homecoming is right around the corner and you can make it through this last stretch while keeping your sanity!

Floridamom224 · April 2012

I am so sorry to hear all of this!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. We are here for u!

BmoreMamma · April 2012

Hang in there! I remember how frustrating it was when people ask whether Lukas was close to coming home yet. I HATED that question because, like you said, we would be sharing that update with everyone once we found out. And I think this whole experience just wears out your patience level - at least it did mine : ) Sending you lots of positive vibes and strength to get you through this home stretch!

OrganicTeacher · April 2012

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this!

You have every right to vent and we are here to listen! You are so strong for dealing with all of this, and I can only imagine at this point how frustrating the texts and calls are. DH had a hospital counselor come see him in the NICU at the hospital while we were waiting on Wesley. If you are hanging out in the NICU at all, you could have them come at that time. It is just a thought. Sending you and your family T&Ps!

lwmooney87 · April 2012

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this. I know how frustrating it is just waiting for them to come home and all the pieces won't fit together. I only had to deal with it for 2 months and I would sit and cry...I can only imagine what 8 months would do to me. You've done wonderful with all this! He will be home soon. You're at the end of the road, just think of it that way. I know it's hard though. You're right, it is wonderful that he's alive and well but it is so hard to not have your family at home with you, back to a "normal" routine. People just don't understand. You're really strong though and you've done so well. Just be proud of yourself for that. It's ok to have a breakdown- expected even. I hope he gets to come home REALLY soon!

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