Giving my UO about Sunshine Missions.

CashewsMommy · April 2012

Before I step onto my soap box for a moment, I do want to say that I have both received a SM and been the person who organized 2 different SMs in my TTCAL career. And what I'm about to say does not directly reflect anyone who has recently received a SM or hosted one. I just feel it needs to be said before this gets out of control.

A sunshine mission basically is a collection of money, and then used to either get the recipient something nice to brighten their day or possibly even a visa card so they can use the money for whatever needs may bring (funeral, hospital bills, etc.).

We all go through very difficult times in our journey through the "After A Loss" groups. Every once in a while, one of our members goes through something very devastating. Without going into the pain Olympics, because nobody elses pain is any less, there are some tragedies that rock our "After A Loss" community. A SM for these moments I feel are warrent.

However, when you start having SMs for every time Tom, *** or Harry that goes through a difficult moment.... it starts to become excessive. I also worry about people being hurt by SMs. Thinking that they had the exact difficult situation as a SM recipient, so why didn't they get a SM? It sucks that something so wonderful can then turn hurtful.

It says a lot about our community that we want to have all of these SMs! What loving, caring and giving people we all are to want to bring a little joy to people who have gotten us through such a difficult time when they are down.

However, I personally feel (and I know i'm not the only one) that these SMs are getting a little excessive and I have honestly found myself ignoring them. I think that defeats the whole reason SMs exist.

Please feel free to voice your opinion about this matter.

LaTi07 · April 2012

I completely agree Cashews. I have participated in a couple SM's, but recently I've gotten to the point where I ignore them. I feel bad about it, but I can't help everyone.

mrsgaines100 · April 2012

I think they are a nice thought but I also would hate that someone who had the same event happen in their life as a sm recipient feel hurt or left out, adding insult to injury.

JellyTwoPointO · April 2012

Cashews, I COMPLETELY agree with you. COMPLETELY. I've had some thoughts about SMs lately but since I've only been here a few months, I didn't think I had the "right" to say anything about it. I'm not saying anyone who has received a SM didn't deserve it, but I've noticed that one person received a SM for a loss and right around the same tome, another beloved TTCALer went through her 4th or 5th loss (more than the person who got the SM) and it went barely noticed other than some generic comments in her announcement thread. I've also noticed that since then, that person has not been back on our boards and I've wondered if this had anything to do with it, and that has made me sad.

When I first heard about SMs, I knew they were a rare thing for very extreme cases of heartbreak.

GatorBaby2012 · April 2012

Thank you Cashews. I agree.

Also, I chucked at the Tom, ***, and Harry. Censorship at its best.

shanrob · April 2012

I have to say I agree. It's a wonderful sentiment, but should be kept in it's proper place. And while it's never wise to calculate someone's number on the "pain scale", there are moments that I think we can all agree are particularly devastating. SMs should be reserved for that. Let's face it, if we did SMs for every crappy hand dealt in life in the After Loss world, we'd all be getting packages every single day.

CashewsMommy · April 2012

Jellybean902:
Cashews, I COMPLETELY agree with you. COMPLETELY. I've had some thoughts about SMs lately but since I've only been here a few months, I didn't think I had the "right" to say anything about it. I'm not saying anyone who has received a SM didn't deserve it, but I've noticed that one person received a SM for a loss and right around the same tome, another beloved TTCALer went through her 4th or 5th loss (more than the person who got the SM) and it went barely noticed other than some generic comments in her announcement thread. I've also noticed that since then, that person has not been back on our boards and I've wondered if this had anything to do with it, and that has made me sad.

When I first heard about SMs, I knew they were a rare thing for very extreme cases of heartbreak.

This is how they used to be. It would be nice for it to go back to that. Because like LaTi mentioned, as much as you want to, you can't help everyone. So if it got back to the rare extreme cases, I wouldn't feel like I couldn't help.

AngnShaun · April 2012

There does seem to be an increase. I was here for a long time before i even saw one and now it seems every few weeks theres another one. It doesnt bother me that they increase or the reason for them. But it does make me less inclined to participate if its every few weeks. We did one through our FB group for Figs. I just kind of assumed they were instances like hers. Late loss, and her 2nd late loss to boot.

kpowers982 · April 2012

JellyTwoPointO · April 2012

This might still leave the door open to hurt feelings, but if someone had a difficult time (but not super extreme like a SM mission would be for), could we do something smaller? Such as just sending cards and thinking of you notes? I would think that might be nice in instances such as a regular graduating and then having to come back here because it acknowledges the pain in a more concrete way than typing on a message board yet it also helps to keep the all-out SMs in its proper place.

What do you think, Cashews and others?

ETA: I would also like to point out that if you feel connected to someone or moved to brighten someone's day, you don't necessarily have to organize a SM where everyone gets involved. One wonderful girl here on TTCAL heard about some of the issues my DH and I are going through and she sent me a care package all on her own. She didn't organize anything with anyone else, it was just something she felt like she wanted to do. And I was over the moon grateful and blessed by her. So to all the ladies here, don't think that you personally can't do something special for a TTCAL friend at any time if you feel led to do so. There's a difference between that and calling the board for a request to all contribute to a group SM.

thatlauragirl · April 2012

I agree. I would really like to contribute for the situations that you described. But similarly, I feel like I shouldn't be participating at all because I can't contribute to every single one that has been posted lately.

CashewsMommy · April 2012

Jellybean902:
This might still leave the door open to hurt feelings, but if someone had a difficult time (but not super extreme like a SM mission would be for), could we do something smaller? Such as just sending cards and thinking of you notes? I would think that might be nice in instances such as a regular graduating and then having to come back here because it acknowledges the pain in a more concrete way than typing on a message board yet it also helps to keep the all-out SMs in its proper place.

What do you think, Cashews and others?

ETA: I would also like to point out that if you feel connected to someone or moved to brighten someone's day, you don't necessarily have to organize a SM where everyone gets involved. One wonderful girl here on TTCAL heard about some of the issues my DH and I are going through and she sent me a care package all on her own. She didn't organize anything with anyone else, it was just something she felt like she wanted to do. And I was over the moon grateful and blessed by her. So to all the ladies here, don't think that you personally can't do something special for a TTCAL friend at any time if you feel led to do so. There's a difference between that and calling the board for a request to all contribute to a group SM.

Even before my day on TTCAL, SMs were given by tight group of friends who organized things totally off board. So nobody felt inclined to inquire about it. For those smaller things, I think this would be okay. Not a whole board SM where you feel you need to inquire what it's about and then determine if you want to participate or not.

I have also participated in one, where everyone sent their cards to one specific person.... so only one address was known. And then was forwarded to the person. The only problem is you don't want to distribute the persons address over the whole internet without their knowledge. And do you really want your address distributed around like that as well? If you don't feel bad giving away your address, then go for it. Collect and then send on.

I'm not saying this is the way it HAS to be either. I'm just giving my opinion and suggestion.

delino · April 2012

Here's my take (not that you asked). I've never participated. It wasn't because I didn't receive one for either of the 2 times that I graduated and then returned. It was merely the fact that I felt I had given the woman my love through my words. I think they are wonderful ideas and I'm sure they have succeeded in putting a smile on the recipients face which is wonderful....especially when they're in so much pain. I know that when I received a package from a fellow bumpie after my most recent loss I felt loved and it made me smile. It was a simple gift, but knowing that she cared enough to put the effort in meant a lot. So I see both sides of the argument. And like a PP mentioned, you don't need a SM to send something to a friend and the fact that some receive one and some don't can be hurtful.

kellbelle618 · April 2012

**sig warning**

I would have to completely agree with you Cashew. Recently, it has gotten so out of hand that there seems to be one at least once a week. With all of these SMs, I feel like it starts to spread us pretty thin and when someone comes along who truly needs it (not to say we don't all need a little sunshine sometimes, but you know what I mean) we don't have the ability to help them like we used to or people become so tired of the SMs that we aren't able to step up to help when it is a definite need. Like you said, it's not about the pain olympics, so I hope it doesn't come across that way, but when SMs were originally started they were used sparingly in circumstances that tend to rock our little community. Having been a member of this community for 2 years I just don't think every time someone goes to pgal and sadly has to return back to ttcal after a m/c (I've done it 3 times) needs a big board SM. While it is devestating when that happens, that is not the point of SMs IMO (and honestly I have no idea what the current SM is for). Anyways my opinion may be unpopular (feel free to flame away), but I would have to agree that this is getting a little out of hand.

buckeyebaby814 · April 2012

I had been thinking the same thing. I think this is very well written and conveys the importance and meaningful thought behind the whole purpose of SMs.

katharine25 · April 2012

Agreed. It's feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf with all the missions, and I've started to just ignore them, which is sad.

I do have to say I appreciate that people are now writing what a sunshine mission is though... It took me a while to figure them out before.

JellyTwoPointO · April 2012

katharine25:

Agreed. It's feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf with all the missions, and I've started to just ignore them, which is sad.

I do have to say I appreciate that people are now writing what a sunshine mission is though... It took me a while to figure them out before.

Same here, when I first started. Is it on the blog? Should it be?

luvmyducks · April 2012

Jellybean902:
katharine25:

Agreed. It's feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf with all the missions, and I've started to just ignore them, which is sad.

I do have to say I appreciate that people are now writing what a sunshine mission is though... It took me a while to figure them out before.

Same here, when I first started. Is it on the blog? Should it be?

I just added a description in the For Newbies tab in the blog. I used mostly Cashew's words, and added some of mine. If anyone thinks something else should be added, let me know.

CashewsMommy · April 2012

luvmyducks:
Jellybean902:
katharine25:

Agreed. It's feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf with all the missions, and I've started to just ignore them, which is sad.

I do have to say I appreciate that people are now writing what a sunshine mission is though... It took me a while to figure them out before.

Same here, when I first started. Is it on the blog? Should it be?
I just added a description in the For Newbies tab in the blog. I used mostly Cashew's words, and added some of mine. If anyone thinks something else should be added, let me know.

Yes

Cissi64 · April 2012

I totally agree Cashews. I don't participate on the board much anyway so I rarely know who the SM is for. The original SM ( I think it was the original) was long ago for someone sufffering what I believe was her 3rd loss in a year. She also had 2 small children at home. A TTCALer collected money and sent her a delivery of Schwan's frozen foods. The second I ever heard about was for someone who suffered a stillbirth after a previous MC. Both of those were pretty extreme cases and warranted some extra support and love. I do think people are getting their feelings hurt when a SM is organized for one person and not for another who is going through basically the same thing.

amidkiff · April 2012

I totally agree. I have pretty much ignored the last couple too. I think they should be left for those with extreme cases. I have helped with a couple though, and don't mind. But like others have said I can't help everyone even if I'd like to.

This was very well said Cashews.

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