A private affair

unaveragejane · April 2012

From a previous post this week, it looks like most everyone is planning on just having DH present in the delivery room (besides medical personnel). This is also my plan. In fact, I don't even want our families to come to the hospital until after the LO is delivered and we've had some recovery time. This would be easy enough, except my husband's aunt is a nurse on the Mother/Baby floor at our hospital. I am nervous that she will call her sister (my MIL) and the rest of the family the moment she finds out we're at the hospital. On the other hand, I am thinking that maybe she won't know until after we've delivered b/c L&D is on a completely different floor. In any case, I am not sure whether to A) talk to just the aunt and ask her let us do the calling when we are ready,

tell the whole family that we don't want visitors until later, or C) say nothing at all and hope that it goes as we plan without any manipulation on our part. (FWIW, I did tell my mom that we don't want visitors until afterward and she was totally fine with it. She was the same way with her deliveries. But judging from the amount of visitors present the last time one of my SIL's gave birth, no visitors is not at all the norm for DH's family.) What would you do?

aliloulou · April 2012

If you're really serious about it, tell the hospital that you don't want visitors at all and they cannot give out your room number to anyone who asks. Your aunt would technically be breeching your privacy and breaking a law if she did tell people you were there. Then you can change your status after the baby is born to allow visitors. Or you can have them contact nursing unit for any visitors that come and you have the say on whether or not they can know you are there and come visit you.

If you think your aunt would understand, I would have a little talk with her beforehand as well.

mamayo26 · April 2012

aliloulou:

If you're really serious about it, tell the hospital that you don't want visitors at all and they cannot give out your room number to anyone who asks. Your aunt would technically be breeching your privacy and breaking a law if she did tell people you were there. Then you can change your status after the baby is born to allow visitors. Or you can have them contact nursing unit for any visitors that come and you have the say on whether or not they can know you are there and come visit you.

If you think your aunt would understand, I would have a little talk with her beforehand as well.

Your aunt would be in breach of HIPPA laws and could lose her job if she told family that you were are the hospital (so if you are worried she would slip the news and don't want her to get into trouble you could say something).

I am only haveing DH and my best friend (also the godmother) during labor and then just DH during delivery.

Then I just want the godparents at the hospital (as we are doing a ceremonious bris and godparents are envolved) other than that I don't want visitors until we get home.

Our family is just too big (due to divorces) and I can't let some come and not others...plus this is our time to bond with LO.

Good luck!

misthang_1 · April 2012

While yes, it is true your DH's aunt would be in violation of HIPAA, the question is what would you do about it? Report her to the hospital with the possibility that she loses her job? If so, that would be pretty sh!tty, IMHO. I say if you are serious about it then talk to the aunt and tell her your wishes. Perhaps your SIL had a bunch of family there because she wanted to or didn't think it was a big deal. This was my case, my parents, sister, and in-laws were in the waiting room, with occasional visits to the room to see me, for my 15 hours of labor which was no big deal to me because they were just as excited as we were about the new baby and I wanted to share in their excitement. If they wanted to hang out in the boring waiting room for hours upon hours, more power to them!

GracieBlue · April 2012

NSYoder26:
aliloulou:

If you're really serious about it, tell the hospital that you don't want visitors at all and they cannot give out your room number to anyone who asks. Your aunt would technically be breeching your privacy and breaking a law if she did tell people you were there. Then you can change your status after the baby is born to allow visitors. Or you can have them contact nursing unit for any visitors that come and you have the say on whether or not they can know you are there and come visit you.

If you think your aunt would understand, I would have a little talk with her beforehand as well.

Your aunt would be in breach of HIPPA laws and could lose her job if she told family that you were are the hospital (so if you are worried she would slip the news and don't want her to get into trouble you could say something).

Maybe you could try to approach his aunt with a gentle reminder she CANNOT say anything. "I know you would never disclose patient information anyways because of HIPPA laws, but we just wanted to make sure that no one is informed we are at the hospital".

Hopefully she is not the type of person who would feel free to spread the word - but at if so this could be a non threatening way to remind her she can't.

allisonmarie22 · April 2012

I would remind her and the other nurses as soon as I showed up that to share any information regarding my health (including the fact that I am in the hospital in labor) is a violation of patient confidentiality and that their job depends on them not violating my wishes.

FemShep · April 2012

Threatening your aunt's job seems like it might be a pretty harsh first step. I'd start by having a conversation with her about your wishes. Also have your DH explain what you both want to his family so they know what's going to happen. If you feel like your aunt isn't taking you seriously, then have a second conversation where you stress just what a big deal this is, and how she's breaking the law if she shares info about you. Good luck!

fribu · April 2012

I would go with option b.I think it's important to say what you want in the beginning so you don't have any unplanned stress during delivery and the recovery time you want.

cchill01 · April 2012

FemShep:
Threatening your aunt's job seems like it might be a pretty harsh first step. I'd start by having a conversation with her about your wishes. Also have your DH explain what you both want to his family so they know what's going to happen.

Definitely this. I don't think you need to pull the HIPPA card just yet. I would bring it up casually at first. My sister knew an administrator at the hospital where she was giving birth. She came out to the waiting room on several occasions to give us a few updates - like "Almost there", "She's doing great." There is a level between HIPPA violation and being supportive. You probably want to be clear with his Aunt about your expectations.

Also, in many hospitals the Mother & Baby nurses meet the infants in the delivery room or the OR to bring them to their floor. So, she may very well be aware of what's going on. I wouldn't leave it to chance.

lynnyrd80 · April 2012

I would talk to both the aunt and your DH's family and let them know your wishes ahead of time. My plan is to notify family when we are in labor and keep them updated, but to not have anyone come up to the hospital until we give the ok after the baby is born and we are ready for visitors. I've told my side of the family and they completely understand. I'm still waiting for DH to tell his parents that, but I think they will understand too. If they are disappointed they don't get to wait in the waiting room for hours and hours, that isn't really my problem.

If his family isn't understanding after you tell them your wishes, you then have the option to not tell them anything until after the baby is born.

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