Pregnant, thinking about adoption, help? (Venting a little, I apologize) — The Bump
Adoption

Pregnant, thinking about adoption, help? (Venting a little, I apologize)

I've posted a few times in the 1st trimester board. 

 

I'm looking at a few adoption agencies (Currently American Adoptions) and I'm just at a lost of words and I have no idea where to begin. 

My life keeps turning from one point to another and it just keeps getting worse. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I finally decided to tell my family about my pregnancy and then my adoption plans. Needless to say, my family disowned me. I've been 'disgraced' as my mother says.

There is a lot of drama involved. Like my mother wanting to take the child from me or gain custody of the child once I gave birth to the baby. My mother couldn't even raise my two sisters and myself. She abandoned us periodically throughout my life and then permanently when I was 12. My youngest sister lives with her (She's 18) and my mom kicks her out every other month but then claims her on her taxes because she wants my sister as a tax break. There is no way in heck my boyfriend and I would give her this child, ever.

Secondly, my SO's family didn't know about the pregnancy. My mother took it upon herself to E-mail his father and who knows else and spin a "oh you can't possibly be okay with their decision. Oh? You didn't even know!" Which she knew that they didn't know. She's just starting drama all around.

My father is giving me two-three weeks to find my own place. Going to school full time, and having morning sickness for 3 months, I wasn't able to get a job. Now I'm just in a horrible situation and I have no idea what to do. I was thinking about seeing if I could take out bank student loans and pay for school (Since I'm paying it out of pocket anyways) and use some of the loans for rent. I just, it's all stressful. Plus my insurance is up in June and I have no idea what I'll do for insurance. It's just extremely frustrating and depressing. : 

:(  

BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Pregnant, thinking about adoption, help? (Venting a little, I apologize)

  • Hi!  I'm a birth mom.  I place my daughter at birth, she is now 7 and I'm 26.  I'm so sorry you're facing this without any support from your family.  That just sucks.  You should reach out to some community programs/counseling for young mothers, I know there are a handful of organizations out there that can help you right now regardless if you decide to make an adoption plan for your child or parent.  I know in my area (central PA) that pregnant woman are automatically covered under state insurance. You should look into your options there.  A school counselor might even be able to help if you're not comfortable talking to the adoption agency about it.

    I have an open adoption with my daughter and her adoptive family.  Feel free to email me if you need to chat, slriss @ comcast dot net.  I'm a big advocate for open adoption/adoption in general.  It was the best decision I could have made at the time.  I love my daughter and know she's where she is meant to be.

    My daughters biological fathers mom (her birth grandma on his side) threaten to fight for custody.  She talked a big game.. and you're mom might do the same but unless you're proven as an unfit parent by the court or you voluntarily sign over your rights, she will never have rights to your child. 

    I hope the best for you.. Feel free to stick around, there are a few birth mom's on here.  Also, please email me if you need to :)  Check out this blog.. Amy is awesome http://amstel-life.blogspot.com/ (she's a young birth mom too).

     

    Sherri 

    BM to Kenzie 9/1/04 --- Married 1/22/09 --- Me 27 - DH 25 --- TTC our first since April 2010 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • It's really hard when my entire family completely turned their back on me. 

    I'm not too worried about her trying to take me to court. She has nothing on me. I'm not a drug addict, or alcoholic. I don't go out and party. I don't even take Tylenol/aspirin. Even though there are times when my head is absolutely killing me, but I suck it up. Plus my SO said that he had the court side covered if my mother tried to do anything.

    Would I even be qualified for state coverage? I couldn't even get any federal grants for college by myself. 

    Another thing, I'm not sure how my SO and I will feel about having children in the future. He promised we could have at least one child. When we got around to talk about it, how would we feel having a child later in life? It's not even that we aren't financially stable together. He has an amazing job. He just doesn't want a kid right now. He says "I can hardly take care of myself, how would I take care of a child?" Which I understand. He's 23, recently graduated, and I'm 22 still in school.

    I think emotionally I'm just not ready for a child. I love children so much, but knowing that the father doesn't want a part in the child's life... is heartbreaking and it's not something I want to bring this child into.

    My mother calls me a heartless biotch and that I'm sick and twisted for giving the child up for adoption but she can say that having an abortion is a better option. I can't say anything against abortion because I did try to have one, and I couldn't go through with it. I went to the clinic, and then backed out the last minute. I couldn't, personally, go through with it. She thinks that I don't love this child, but she's entirely wrong on that. I love this child and I really want what's best for the child. 

    My father kicking me out last minute has completely put a rip in any plans I had. I may not even be able to go to school anymore, until after the child is born, because of the financial burden I'm going to have. I could never ask my SO for financial help because we haven't even been dating long and I wouldn't feel right asking. My dad wants me to move in with him, but he doesn't understand that he has a rooomate and the roommate's gf hates me. Those two would never sign me on to the lease. So now I'm just... bleh, screwed. 

    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • You should qualify for medicaid when your insurance runs out. You may also be able to get some kind of emergency housing. Like the pp said, try contacting some community groups, pregnancy counselors, or even counselors at your school. There is help out there, you just need to find it. Good luck, I hope you find the help you need.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

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    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

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  • Do they allow cats? I have two cats that are 504 animals.... That's been a big setback for me, but they (probably sounds extremely pathetic and sad) are what have been getting me through the days for awhile. I've had them since birth and I couldn't imagine giving them up :( 
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • My daughter's birth father left me when I told him I was pregnant.. I literally have never seen him again.  We lived together for 6 months and I had no choice but to give all his stuff to Goodwill and move back in with my parents.  My parents were supportive, but like I said in my previous post, not everyone will be.  Choosing adoption means you'll need to have thick skin, I got tons of negative comments regarding my adoption, but I knew it was the best for her.     

     

    Regarding the cat/housing situation... You'll never know until you ask.  Check out your local WIC programs http://www.houstontx.gov/health/WIC/ or something like this: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com in your area.

     

    By the way... Just my two cents... Just because your SO doesn't want children right now doesn't mean you need to place your child.  This is a BIG decision, probably the biggest decision you will ever make. I'm not telling you what to do, but if adoption isn't what YOU want for this child then there are options available to you out there...   Please, please get unbiased counseling.  I would love nothing more then to get pregnant right now but that isn't happening for unknown reasons and my husband (not the birth father) are picturing our future without children.

     

    I placed her because I wanted better for her, not because she was unwanted by her birth father.  Counseling worked and still works for me.  I still cry because I miss her and love her so much, I honestly will never get over it, but I know this was God's plan for us.

     

    I hope you can find the right solution to your housing situation!

    BM to Kenzie 9/1/04 --- Married 1/22/09 --- Me 27 - DH 25 --- TTC our first since April 2010 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I can't imagine.  You know, the agency with whom you're working might have some tips of where you can go, and where you can get help.  I'm sure they see TONS of women in your exact position, and any reputable agency should be willing to help you whether you place or not.   

    [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lbym.lilypie.com/wnbwm5.png[/img][/url] [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb1m.lilypie.com/HiE2m5.png[/img][/url]

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/35je1w4.jpg[/IMG]
  • First off, I'm sad to hear about the reaction of your family! I can't even imagine going through this. I've never been in your position, but I do know a little about resources out there. My husband and I are waiting to adopt and in our classes we learned a lot about the process. Please follow the others advice on here in contacting a pregnancy center. No matter what you decide to do, they will definitely be able to help you with your living and medical situation and offer you counseling. This is a very big decision and you shouldn't have to work through this on your own. I'm sure looking at agencies is overwhelming, so maybe a crisis center would be a better start. But even if you find an agency that is the right fit for you, it doesn't mean that you make any final decisions now.

    Most of all I want you to know though, that your mother is absolutely wrong in calling you selfish. Giving your baby life is an amazing gift! And to be honest, if you really don't feel like you could parent at this point then giving your child up for adoption is the most unselfish thing you could do!!!! It's courageous and admirable. Don't let anyone tell you anything else!

    I pray that you would find the support you need! God bless you!

  • God bless you!

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  • Please take a deep breath. Make an appointment with an unbiased counselor. There is help out there. Both for adoption and parenting.

    Breath again...it will be ok!

    "Onward"--CathyMD Waiting since 07/5/2011 for our forever child! Yep we are adopting!
  • I am sorry that you are having to deal with so much family drama while trying to deal with deciding on a future for your little one. That must be so hard. Even if we don't have the answers for you , please know that you will find plenty of support on this board. I think that any of us on here would be willing to lend a listening and non-judgemental ear. Feel free to private message me if you feel like it or just want someone to talk to :-)  Take care of you, ok?

     

    Jenn 

    Unable to conceive due to emergency hysterectomy 11/04 Started our adoption journey 4/11 9/29/11- Officially waiting! 5/29/12- Our little boy is born and goes home with us the next day :-)
  • Hi,  I think that wether you decide to parent or place your baby for adoption, you are already being a great mom! You are thinking about your child's best interest and well-being.  I agree with the other comments here in regards to finding counseling.  The counselors can provide you with all the information you need and guide you if you would like.  

    I pray that you find peace in whatever decision you make.  Do what you think it's best and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.  From your posts, you seem to me like you are a strong woman.  I wish you the best and many blessings.

     

    Carolina 

  • We work with American adoptions for the building of our family.  They have an insurance expert - a person on staff that only works on insurance. They signed our son's biological mom to for medicaid and too care of everything for her and us. 

     I'm so sorry you are going through so much stress and lacking support. Good luck to you! 

  • im sorry you have found yourself in a tough spot. i hope and pray things all work out as they are supposed to. if you need to chat at all or would like to talk with an adoptive mom and hear that side, please feel free to message me. hugs and prayers to you.to
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