Is she an aunt?

megahof · April 2012

My brother has a long-term girlfriend. They have a baby girl who is 1 week older than Sophie. Because her father is my brother, I am this baby's aunt, and Hubster (being married to me) is her uncle.

My brother is Sophie's uncle. But what about his girlfriend? Even though she is the mother of my niece, I don't consider her to be Sophie's aunt technically because they're not married.

Coming from a small family, I get so confused about all the technicalities of relatives. What do you guys think?

k3montel · April 2012

Dh's sister has 3 kids. I was not an aunt until we were married. So, no, not yet.

kristin172429 · April 2012

I think there are a lot of people in our LO's lives that aren't technically aunts or uncles, but they are so close to family, we give them those titles. It lets them and LO know that these people are special to us. I would say she isn't technically an aunt, but if she is a long-term girlfriend, I would considering calling her aunt. It could mean a lot to her and make her feel like family - which she could be someday.

E.T.A. Just re-read your post: If she already has a child with your brother, I would definitely think of her as an aunt, whether married or not.

alecat9 · April 2012

To me, it depends on how long they have been together. If they have been living together long enough to be common-law married, then I would consider her an aunt. My uncle is divorced, but I still consider his ex-wife my aunt. It is just a title and plenty of people use the term for close family friends, so I kind of think you would hurt her and your brother's feelings if you don't use it (especially if they have been together 10+ years)... Why make it a possible issue, kwim?

DBride2006 · April 2012

If you would consider her kid your kid's cousin, I would call her an aunt. If they were just dating, I would say not yet, but since they have a kid, you'll be forever linked to her and we would call her aunt.

Lena122 · April 2012

Technically she's not an aunt but I would probably refer to her as an aunt in this situation. I think it's completely acceptable to call someone an aunt, like Mom and Dad's close friend, even if they don't fit the legal definition.

HappyToBe2012 · April 2012

Technically, she's not since they aren't married. But if they've been together long-term and have a baby together, I would call her aunt. Especially since their LO will be calling you and your DH aunt and uncle. I have several close friends who we refer to as aunt/uncle to DD.

Gem17 · April 2012

Not until or if they get married.

ClaireBear90 · April 2012

As others have said - she's technically not an aunt in the traditional sense. But my LO also has an uncle with a long-term girlfriend (no kids) and I have no problem calling her an aunt. I have given one of my best friends the title of aunt even though we're not related . . . so why not her? I had "aunts" who weren't truly aunts and I knew that they were not related to me but that they were special women to me and my family.

alysalouton · April 2012

It's all about you opinion. My sister in law isn't married to her boyfriend but I consider him my babies uncle however my other 2 nieces won't call him uncle because they aren't married ( they are 4 and 10 and the 4 year old is the one who said he's not her uncle cause they aren't married) I don't know if that's because they're mom told them that or what but I think it's whatever you want

mintea · April 2012

My brother also has a long-term girlfriend who I don't know what to call. They have been together longer than DH and I even. I am fine with calling her aunt if that's what she wants, but I wonder what if she doesn't want to be called aunt.

I sort of feel like by calling her aunt (or my mom even calls her DIL) that I am not respecting or acknowledging that they have chosen not to be married yet. I feel like I am rushing them or perhaps not respecting the status of their relationship by acting as if they're a married couple. Or I could be reading too much into it!

noryang · April 2012

Debating the technicality of this seems arbitrary and silly to me. If she feels like an aunt then she is one. If you want to guarentee family peace then she is one. If you are uncomfortable bestowing this title on her - then don't.

MrsLindinger0905 · April 2012

kristin172429:
I think there are a lot of people in our LO's lives that aren't technically aunts or uncles, but they are so close to family, we give them those titles. It lets them and LO know that these people are special to us. I would say she isn't technically an aunt, but if she is a long-term girlfriend, I would considering calling her aunt. It could mean a lot to her and make her feel like family - which she could be someday.
E.T.A. Just re-read your post: If she already has a child with your brother, I would definitely think of her as an aunt, whether married or not.

Agree 100% I have a bit of a dysfunctional family history, but we're all very tight-knit. (lots of divorces, re-marriages, etc. and I have 9 siblings now!!) To keep things straight for Anna's sake she will have a few "aunts and uncles" who aren't married to my siblings. Heck, there's even a few of our good friends who will go by aunt and uncle!

MigenMigen · April 2012

My Aunt has been with her girlfriend for over 30 years. They aren't married because they can't legally be married (yet), but my aunt's girlfriend is absolutely also my Aunt. She's been there for me my entire life, and even if their relationship ends, she'll still be my Aunt.

I don't think its so much the legal status, but more about the relationship.

Melzig76 · April 2012

Lena122:
Technically she's not an aunt but I would probably refer to her as an aunt in this situation. I think it's completely acceptable to call someone an aunt, like Mom and Dad's close friend, even if they don't fit the legal definition.

That's what I was thinking.

Jen0204 · April 2012

noryang:
Debating the technicality of this seems arbitrary and silly to me. If she feels like an aunt then she is one. If you want to guarentee family peace then she is one. If you are uncomfortable bestowing this title on her - then don't.

This, except even if you feel uncomfortable I would suggest you still call her aunt if that's what she wants. To not do so, especially when she has a child by your brother who will forever link her to your family, just makes it seem like you are judging them and their relationship. If they break up and your baby no longer sees her, so what? It's the same as if they married, then divorced as far as the relationship with your LO goes.

megahof · April 2012

Thanks for all the input, everyone! It wasn't really a big deal - my brother's baby mama is super chill, and probably wouldn't have been offended either way, so there was no risk of disrupting any family harmony. Honestly, it will probably be a non-issue until Sophie can talk, and needs to directly address the woman. Hubster and I were just talking about it this morning, and didn't know what the protocol was.

sparks2987 · April 2012

I agree with PP, it is up to you and if you want her to be concidered family to DD or not.

my DD has lots of family that isnt legally family. Long story short we have a very close relationship to DHs best friends family and oddly enough his best friends family use to babysit me as a child and became close to my family. We attend all family events, including all holidays, sporting events for the kids and Sunday family dinner, ect. we call DHs best friends grandma, grandma, his aunts aunt so and so, ect. DH's best friend is our LO's uncle and his wife DD's aunt. this adopted family is closer than some of my own family, they arent technically blood family but they are family and they all love DD with their whole hearts and I would never take away the privillage of being her aunt, uncle, grandma ect even though they technically arent. It is kinda a strange situation now that I think of it but we are blessed to have them in our lives.

ryry1977 · April 2012

I wouldn't think she is your LOs aunt until they are married.

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