SAHD and telling family — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

SAHD and telling family

DH and I have been considering the idea of him being a SAHD. I have my BA and a great and secure career in graphic design and advertising with my employer. He's been out of work for a couple months now, and has only been able to find work on and off over the past 2 yrs. He's been doing a great job of taking care of the house and me through the pregnancy, and I don't know that we could afford daycare even if he was working. Right now we barely make it on my salary, but that's because we are trying to fix some previous financial mistakes.

My questions are:

Are there any major concerns of being a SAH parent that we should consider in our decision process?

Have any of you noticed less/more stress on your relationship with DH by one of you working and one of you being at home?

How do you tell your parents and family? I'm facing some hard conversations with my family accepting the idea of me being a career woman while he's a SAHD. It's hard to fight those stereotypes and to convince them that I want to be a working mom.?

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Re: SAHD and telling family

  • I just wanted to add that it's not a permanent decision. If you decide that it's working out great, then he can continue to be a SAHD. If it's not, you can look for other options. Don't think that your decision is final because you can always say "after 3 mos, let's reevaluate and see if this is working for us."

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  • image brightning:

    I just wanted to add that it's not a permanent decision. If you decide that it's working out great, then he can continue to be a SAHD. If it's not, you can look for other options. Don't think that your decision is final because you can always say "after 3 mos, let's reevaluate and see if this is working for us."

    I guess that's true. This is our first baby, and I feel like this decision as well as preparing for it, is the most important and stressful. I think that makes it feel more permanent for me, but you're very right. We could always reevaluate.?

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  • Never worry about what other people are going to think and say.  You and your husband need to do what is right for your family.   I think that it is great that your husband is willing to be a sahd.  I do know a couple dads who took on the role since their wives made more money and it worked out well for them.   If your husband wants to contribute financially while also being a sahd he could work a weekend job or an evening job that starts after you get home from work. 
  • image ChristieAnne:
    Are there any major concerns of being a SAH parent that we should consider in our decision process?

    The one I see most often overlooked is that most people can not re-enter the workforce at the same salary at which they left.  Budget for losing 20% - 30% of his current salary when he resumes work; if the drop is less, great.

    Some fields (e.g. teaching) are more tolerant of very long leaves of 18 months or more; in others, you lose a LOT of ground professionally.  That may not be an obstacle, particularly if he's looking to get into a different line of work later, but it's something to be aware of.

  • Hi and welcome!  :)

    It honestly sounds like you guys are already sort of set for him to SAH with your child and I think it's wonderful if it works for you guys!  I mean, you said he's had work off & on for two years, has done a great job of running the household thus far and that you're the current breadwinner in your family so, why not try it out with him being the SAHD?!?!  

    I think having a support group for him, just like stay at home moms have would be crutial!  He's going to be one of very few, if not the only SAHD in your neighborhood/city so, add that to the normal feelings of isolation when you SAH and he might end up very unhappy.  Try doing some research a head of time for SAHDs!  That's really the only thing I can think of.

    Best of luck, like the PPs said, this isn't permenent, you can always re-evaluate and make some changes!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • the biggest concern with being a SAH parent is making sure that you can, financially. ?make sure you have set up a budget and find ways to cut back if you need to. ?I SAH now but in the future we plan on me returning to work and DH staying home so he can finish school. ?DS would go to the childcare on campus while DH is in classes (he qualifies for financial aid and this would all be basically free). ?Could DH use this time to further his education so that when he does return to work he can stay competitive? ?As far as telling your family, just tell them you are doing what is best for your family right now. ?

    ?

  • I like what a pp said about this not being a final decision. Try it out and see if you see stress on your family. For us, it seems to have relieved a lot of our family stress. Now the house is clean, dinner is made and groceries are done by the time DH gets home. Before we were rushing to get everything done by the end of the day. Financial stress might be one of the issues, but since your DH hasn't really had a steady job then you are probably used to living off of one income anyway. As for family, I didn't realize it until we had our son, but really it doesn't matter what our extended family thinks of any of our decisions. If we worried about what they thought all the time when in comes to raising our children then we would be very stressed. So make the decision and when you tell people, tell them. Don't beat around the bush or make excuses for it. Just tell them what you are doing and who cares what they say. If they try to talk you out of it, tell them the decision has been made and you and your DH think it's the best option for you family. Enough said. Good luck!
  • my brother and bil are sahd. it works great for them. dont worry about what your family thinks...it is your life. goodluck.
  • My parents were in a very similar situation when I was born. My mom had a good government job and my dad had an okay security job. He ended up staying home with me and picked little side jobs fixing things for his friends and it worked out great when I was young. The only problem he ran into which I think alot of stay at home parents do. Was that it was really hard for him to get back into the working world after not working for 10 years. He actually never went back to work and that is the only part that family has had a hard time with.
  • Thank you guys for all the input! You all mentioned a couple great things that DH and I might have missed in our decision process. We are going to really start preparing for him to be a SAHD, and maybe go back to school or do part-time after the first couple months work out well.

    Thanks!?

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