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C-sections
mom2babyvitz
member
So tired of being judged....
mom2babyvitz
member
in C-sections
I have a girl at work that is pregnant for the first time and is doing the Bradley Birth Method. I think that every woman has their choice to choose to birth their baby any way that they choose (without hurting the baby of course). But this co-worker decided to inform me that I didn't NEED to get a C-section with my 1st DS because her instructor told her "no baby is to big not to have vaginally".
To give you a little back story on me: I was in labor for 27 1/2 hrs before my OB decided to do a c-section because my son was about 10lbs and his shoulders were too wide to come out of my pelvis. They said they would have to break his collar bone to get him out or he would get stuck and have 4 minutes until he died. Of couse we went in to the C-section.
Anywho, my co-worker said there is no need for you to have a c-section the first time and there is no need for you to have a c-section this time. Because she is going to have her FIRST child the bradley method and has been taking 12 weeks of child birth classes apparently makes her have a degree in OB and Medicine. Maybe I am being hormonal and crazy, but it seriously got on my last nerve that she told me that my birthing methods were wrong and she has never even had a child. SHE HAS NO IDEA!!
Oh well.... thanks for letting me vent, and thank you if you are still reading this long post.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So tired of being judged....
I'm sorry you have to deal with this! People can be so ignorant. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with face-to-face judging, only online judgement.
I know it sounds terrible, but I hope she has to have a c/s and can see that the BEST way to have a baby, is to have a healthy baby and mom, no matter how baby comes out! I really don't think anyone goes into pregnancy and delivery hoping they get to have a c/s, but sometimes it's what is best for baby and mom! Nothing against natural birth, but sometimes I feel like the people who are really into it, are brainwashed or something, the things that come out of their mouths are ridiculous!!
BFP #2 March 2011, Baby Girl born November 2011!!!
My thoughts exactly! You and your doctor made the best decision for you and YOUR baby don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. FWIW I pursued a VBAC for my second with all my might (I am pregnant w/#3) and no hospital or DR or midwife would take me on for the exact reason I had the first CS. I forgot the name of the diagnosis but basically my pelvic bones are not lined up and my first LO would not fit due to his large head and shoulders and guess what #2 had a big old head too lol! Good luck to you!
Wow! We studied the Bradley method and I am all for a natural birth, but things happen that you can't always be prepared for.
She has no business commenting on your birth. It's not hers.
Idiot.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
This. And she has no idea what it is like to be scared for your LOs life. None at all.
Ya know what??? I'm sick and tired of opinions about my c/s and people preaching vbac. I know what I'm doing. It works for me. And I never asked for their 2 cents anyway. Wish they'd put a sock in it.
Thank you for letting me vent lol. I guess I feel a little better about my decision to have a RCS after reading a little bit of the book 'Choosing Cesarean'.
The vbac'ers can have all the vbac's they want. I don't care what they do, just wish they'd stay the heck out of my business. lol
This Bwahahahaha!
My motto about births is do what's best for you, with the fine print that I only wish that interventions and c/s weren't so common that I had to fight to not get them. I think that's why it gets to be a preachy subject with people taking sides and arguing their cause. I pretty much felt like if I didn't stand up for not having the common interventions or a c/s I'd be doomed to have one. People should be free to choose, not coerced, to do it how they feel safest/most comfortable.
I'm not on the bandwagon that a majority of babies are too big and will die trying to be born either BUT I wouldn't just blatantly tell someone what they're doing is "wrong", especially if they haven't asked my opinion. When you go online and ask for opinions, that's a different story. I'm pretty sure that somewhere there does exist the mother with a pelvis too small and a baby too big to do it vaginally so I don't see how the instructor could intelligently make that comment. Many times it's the baby's position and not size that makes it impossible to bring them down. Sorry, but that's not something the bradley method is going to fix, trust me I know! And to me it doesn't matter whether you've had kids or not. I have the same thoughts about my birth wishes and opinions about birth as I did before I had my first.
Maybe the CW just wants to talk about her birth plan with you, though it's wrong for her to tell you what you should do. No reason you can't turn the conversation around and tell her so though! As strongly as she feels about her way, you have decided your way is best and it's totally fair for you to tell her that. At least the conversation might make her leave you alone about it in the future. (not to mention speaking your mind is quite beneficial sometimes!)
Lol. That's what I was going to say. I work in the newborn nursery and what's crazy most of those people with birth plans end up with c sections. I had a c section mine weighed 9lbs and there was no way she was coming out any other way. I think some people don't get about shoulder dystocia and the baby can die. That would make me mad too. 10 lbs is a lot!!!
This. You should maybe provide her some information on shoulder dystocia and tell her that you hope everything goes according to her "plan".
I've had a few people make comments re: my cs(2).
I usually respond: 1 week overdue, having to be induced, 30 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of pushing with no results and the cord wrapped around his neck twice - yup we went with a c/s to get him out and keep him safe. Baby #2 had a 17% chance of being able to be a VBAC and I wasn't going to chance doing labor and then a cs again when I had a 2.5 year old at home to take care of as well as a newborn. But thanks for your opinion on my body!
I will say, a big baby should not be the ONLY reason a provider recommends a c/s. But it sounds like maybe she doesn't really know your entire story. But, let's face it. Sometimes babies don't descend like they should. Sometimes mom's pelvis really is smaller than the baby. Sometimes the baby isn't positioned right. Sometimtes it's all of the above. It's not like your doctor told you at 20wks that your kid was gonna be too big so you should schedule your c/s NOW!
The fact you labored for 27 1/2 hours is awesome. And while I think (hope) your friend was just trying to educate you, she seemed to do it in an insensitive and matter-of-fact manner.
I feel bad enough judging myself for wondering if I could have done more to prevent my c-section, I certainly wouldn't want anyone else telling me what I should have done.
Sorry she made you feel crappy.
OK, now I don't feel so guilty for having the same thought. But, if she is the way she is being described, the reason for her c-section will have been an OK reason to have a c-section while I bet she would still try to justify that big babies can be delivered vaginally. UGGG....people like her make me crazy. This is my third, all by C-section, not because my babies are too big, but because my pelvis is small/wrong shape. They had to break my great aunts cocksis(SP) and my great grandmother almost died during birth and had to have some horrible tortorous thing done to her to get her baby out. When girls tell me to go to a chiroprator and then I can have a vaginal delivery I want to smack them.
If she starts getting preachy again, tell her, "I hope you have a perfect vaginal birth with no complications or risks to your baby's life so you can keep your naive, ignorant opinion safely intact. The fact is without evil c-sections, many women and their children would not be here. I did what I had to for my child. Let's hope you never find yourself in the same position."
Sorry, but arrogance, especially uninformed arrogance concerning c-sections really irks me. I know a woman who "knows" that she won't need a c-section because she has had her birthplan in place since the first tri! Ya, there's a little part of me that is waiting for the fun to begin.
The instructor teaching people this should be throat punched! I'm not a small person at all and DD2 was 9lbs 6oz and wouldn't come down. She stayed in the highest position the whole time, even with me trying to push her down. Once we tried to push her heart rate showed flucuations and we had to do a CS. Babies can absolutely grow to be too big to come out vaginally.
I am all for vaginal births, my first DD was one, but sometimes we can't control what nature and our bodies are going to do. The only thing I am against is doctors allowing inductions too early and for no medical reason. However else you have your child is just how they came into this world and should not be judged one bit.
Point her to the WHO's information on maternal mortality:
https://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs348/en/index.html
Sure, women have been having babies for millenia without c-sections. Women (and fetuses/newborns) have also been dying for millenia of problems a c-section could have solved. So, there's that.