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Natural Birth
Homebirth Moms: Plans for Older Kids?
For those of you who have had or are planning a homebirth and have older children, what are your plans for the children during labor/birth? Are there any activities that you'll have set up for them?
If your children were close enough to hear noises/yelling/scream, etc, what were their reactions? How did you prepare them for what to expect?
DS is 3yo and I want him nearby, but not in the same room or earshot during labor. Although, we've talked about possible noises that mom might be making, I imagine that when it comes down to it, he will be scared and very concerned by mommy yelling. I'd like him to be close enough that he can be brought into the room for cord cutting, first feed, etc. Any ideas?
TIA!
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Re: Homebirth Moms: Plans for Older Kids?
I asked my midwife about this when I interviewed her. She said that in her experience, older children react really well to labor and birth and she's never seen one kid who was really scared by mom's noises.
She also said that it's best to have someone (other than your partner) who is solely responsible for the older child(ren). If you go into labor in the morning, that person can take your kids to the park, feed them lunch, play with them, etc... so they aren't bored and bugging you. If you want them present for the birth, then that person can bring them back when it's time. If you go into labor at night, that person can get your kids up in the morning and get breakfast, get them dressed, etc... while you are still laboring or enjoying your newborn. That way your partner is free to support you, but the older child can be around.
ETA: This is what we plan to do when we are lucky enough to get PG with LO2. I want DS present for the birth.
My daughter was 2.5 when we had our home birth. We had a friend come pick her up when I went into labor. She would freak out when the doctor so much as took my blood pressure during appointments so we thought that a birth would be too intense for her. I also did not want the distraction of worrying if she needed anything, if she was scared, etc. So I think it really depends on what you think would work best for you and your child.
Eta if you want him there, I agree with having a designated person whose sole job is to care for him.
My Mom was visiting and took her out of the house to run errands and to the playground. I am SO happy she was not there because the last hour or so was so incredibly intense that I was shrieking like a banshee and saying all sorts of horrible thing I would have never wanted her to hear (I dilated fast and was having horrible back labor and a ton of pressure in my butt...I was also pushing uncontrollably).
Also, they had to pull me out of the tub after Carly's head came out to help get the rest of her body out. There was quite a bit of blood (I am just a bleeder) and although everything was perfectly fine, I can imagine it would be scary...I know that I was pretty freaked out for a few moments and kept asking if she was alright...I can't imagine how that scene would have looked to Lily.
DH called my Mom about a half hour after I gave birth and she brought her home. Even though everything was calm when Lily came in, I could tell it was still overwhelming for her and that reconfirmed that I made the right decision to not have her there.
Oh, and my first birth was NOTHING like this one. It was long and calm and I was totally quiet and zen. You really can't predict what you will be like in labor based on your last experience. Just something I thought I would throw out there because I was totally surprised how different it really was.
Do you have family nearby he can stay with?
My older daughter was not quite 2 when baby sister was born. She was with me up until 2 hours before the baby was born but I sent her with grandma when it got too intense to interact with her anymore.
She would have been terrified to hear me crying, groaning, etc. It worked out perfectly though because grandma brought right her back and she helped us dress the baby, etc.
I don't know at what age I would feel comfortable having an older child present but no time soon ;-)
SAHM to two sweet girls, both born at home; Baby #3 in 2013!
DD was 2.5 when DS was born. We switched to homebirth less than a month before the birth, so we didn't have a ton of time to think through things or prepare her. When we were planning hospital birth, my mom did offer to hop on the first flight to Dallas when she got word that I was in labor, so she could hopefully stay with DD during labor and then when I was in the hospital. So, we just kept that plan in place.
My water started leaking on Saturday. My mom booked the first flight out Sunday morning. That morning, we called over two friends who lived nearby to come watch her until my mom got there. I forget when my mom got there, because I was off in laborland at that point, but she and my friends ended up watching DD the entire time. I mostly labored in our bedroom, and DD was out in the living room, but she popped in here and there. I loved it! She was a welcome distraction. She ended up not being there when he actually came out -- my MW and doula asked me multiple times if I wanted her brought in, and I said no. I didn't know how long pushing would take and I didn't want her to get bored. I regret that now, as it didn't end up taking long at all, and I would have loved to have her there.
She was not scared in the least. I mean, why should she be? Kids have no preconceived notions of what labor is. In a new situation like that, they reflect the emotions of the adults around them, and none of us were scared
With this one, DS will be 2.5, and DD will have just turned 5. I haven't done a ton of prep with DS, as he seems fairly uninterested. I have started taking him to all my midwife appointments, just so that he knows her and is comfortable with her. DD is SUPER interested, so we've done a lot... she also comes to all my midwife appointments, I encourage her to ask questions of my midwife, we've watched TV shows about homebirth ("Labor of Love"), we're reading books about homebirth (Welcome With Love), etc. She says she wants to be there when the baby comes out and that she wants to help cut the cord. We'll see how the timing works out, but I hope we can make that happen, because I think it would be wonderful for her to be there.
One thing I'm very conscious of is the fact that these are her first experiences with birth, but (hopefully) not her last: The way she perceives my labors will influence her mindset going into her own. For that reason, I don't talk about it as "painful." I don't experience labor as being painful, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to plant the seed in her head from such a young age that she'll experience it in that way. Just like going to school wasn't always bushels of fun for me, but I never tell her that. About noise/yelling/etc., I tell her that pushing a baby out is hard work and sometimes that means that mommies make noises when they're doing it, just like sometimes she makes noises when she's trying to lift something heavy.
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)
Here's a point of view from "the other side". My mom had 7 kids and the last two she had at home - both of which were pretty cool experiences for the rest of us. The first one she had at home, My siblings and I were 20 (he obviously wasn't there), 12, 10, 6 and 4. I remember my mom told us that she was in labor and her friend, Miss Linda was coming over to take us out. My mom, dad and midwife all pretty much locked themselves in my parents room. Miss Linda came over and hung out on the OTHER side of the house with us, we prayed for my mom, made cards for the new baby etc. About an hour later, my grandparents came and took us all out for pizza and then we went and hung out at the grocery store until they got the phone call that we could come home (my mom was only in active labor for 3 hours). When we came home, we were told to be very quiet and we were allowed to go in and meet the new baby. It was really a cool experience!
Her second home birth was a little different but still a great experience for all of us! At that time our ages were 24 (again, he wasn't there), 16, 14, 10, 8 and 4. It was Mothers Day 2000 and my mom went into labor that morning. After going to Church we kind of hung around the house all day - some of my mom's friends came over and walked around the block with her and when it was time for active labor, my mom told us that if we wanted to be there, we could. She showed us how the room was set up (she had a birthing chair and we would all be standing behind it in the corner), and let us make the call. The older 3 decided to be there while my mom's friends watched the younger 2 downstairs. Again, it was just my mom, dad and midwife for a while, but when my mom started pushing, my dad called us and told us we could QUIETLY come upstairs. We snuck into the room and stood in the corner while my mom pushed. We only saw the back of her head the entire time. She didn't have any pain meds, but she was actually really quiet while pushing. And then all of a sudden POP! There was our little brother! Clearly, the three of us (all girls) were crying and giddy all at the same time. We got to stay in the room for a few more minutes and then were told to go downstairs until they called us again.
Some of our friends were "weirded out" that we were there, but honestly, it was such a cool experience for all of us and has helped me look forward to when I would have a baby (October 20th!).
Not sure if this helps in your situation, but just thought I would share from the kid's point of view!