need support re m/c with kids

CandT · April 2012

I feel horrible that I've turned into a lurker posting for support, but I have no where else to go for this type of support!

How do you ladies get through having a m/c with kids at home? This is so hard! Yes, I was able to get pregnant again (and I know I'm so blessed for this even to happen), but it didn't last long (I'm only 6-7weeks). It's a struggle physically, but more so emotionally. I can't get sad or stay in bed, I have to stay normal for the girls. On top of that it's easter weekend which means big family dinner, easter egg hunts, etc.

Pitty party for one. Just looking for some advice on how to get through this with a happy face on

itsmevkb · April 2012

I know it's hard and I'm so sorry for you loss. With both of my miscarriages I found that being with my kids was very bittersweet. I was overjoyed that I had them but still so profoundly sad for what I had lost. It was hard for me to keep it together around them and there were times when I would sneak off to the bathroom to cry. Mainly, I cried in the shower in the mornings and then when I was alone in my car either driving to or from work. It's okay if you're not totally chipper this weekend, or even next weekend or the next. Your kids probably sense that something is a bit off and that's okay, you need to grieve. And, I can promise you that it does get easier.

krissyh21 · April 2012

No advice, I just wanted to say that I am sorry. ((hugs))

gringa78 · April 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a c/p last Easter weekend and the only thing that put a smile on my face was DD. It helped me to be around her. When I was alone or with DH, I let it all out (because you have to have that time too to grieve), but being with DD helped me find some happiness during a very sad time. I don't know if there are any answers since everyone deals with these things differently...I just hope you find some peace and calm as you get through this.

Mouseygail · April 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss! When I had mine, I was fortunate enough to be able to take a couple of days and just have ME time. Is there anyway you could arrange even one day to do whatever you want? (shop, massage, curl up on the couch and cry, nap....). ((((hugs))))

laura1 · April 2012

I am sorry about your m/c. I had one in the fall and it was hard. Thankfully, the actual m/c was on a weekend (halloween weekend, in fact), so that DH could do much of the childcare. It was nice to have Halloween to distract me - my two little cuties made me smile with all of the Halloween festivities going on. But the following week was hard - I would just get myself little treats. I think I lived at the Starbucks drive thru. It is rough, but you will get through it!

I actually just got another BFP on Sunday and I am so worried that it may happen again. Just keeping my fingers crossed...

Dragonfly1226 · April 2012

Both of my miscarriages were before I had DS, but I think the advice you got to try to take some time for yourself - even if it is just a short time - is good. I am so sorry for your loss. (((((hugs)))))

Alie05 · April 2012

I had 3 losses before my little boy and it was horrible. Since we've been thinking about TTCing again for #2, these thoughts have come up - what if I m/c again....will I handle it better because I do have a child, the same as before, or worse because I know the life that could have been plus no time to grieve trying to care for a crazy-hyper-into everything toddler?? No one should ever have to experiences a loss or losses and I'm so sorry. I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to handle things. It's your way and that is whatever works for you.

Interestingly, I'm wearing my "remembrance" necklace today which I tend to wear around the "anniversary" of my losses. It's a silver circle necklace that has 3 gold handprints in the circle - 1 handprint for each lossed baby. I wore it the WHOLE time I was pregnany with my son, and wore it during delivery. One of the first pictures taken of us featured this necklace in a close up - didn't mean to, but how fitting. This necklace has been a big help for me. I also put up initials on my christmas tree every year for them (I named them all - it maybe weird because I didn't know the sexes of any of them, but this is what helped me).

My sister who has never had a loss said to me one time - "This baby was not meant to be THE baby - something was wrong with it and it knew and God knew - but that baby IS meant to be yours and he/she will return in the body thats right" (speaking of the baby's soul). She was very wise...those words have stayed with me since the first loss.

I hope you can find some peace....thinking of you.

Alie

BunnyintheYard · April 2012

That's really hard and I am so sorry. I took nap time as time for me to be sad. I also was looking for distractions... so maybe the holiday busy times will be a blessing in disguise.

After bedtime, it's all about you.

Hugs.

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