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Twins being "complete hell" comment - ?

sara12274sara12274
in Multiples
Today I had someone tell me that she has a friend who had twins and they said "it was complete hell" when they were little!  Great comment to an expecting MOM.  Now I am totally freaked out!!!!  Any thoughts?
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Re: Twins being "complete hell" comment - ?

  • Megloveshim07Megloveshim07
    thats rude they shouldn't have said that to you! You should have commented that every baby is different and so is every mommy. : )
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  • candscands

    I think that comment was probably outside of the complete context of what the MOM said.

    For example, a former coworker of mine has 15 year old twin boys.  When he found out that I was having twins, he wrote me the email below.  In this, he describes them as blistering hell, but this is clearly someone who loves his boys and is really glad that he had twins. The context matters, and it sounds like you got it out of context. There will me hellish moments, but it really is completely worth it.

    My coworker's email: "My recollection of the arrival of twins is that the first 3 months were blistering hell, mostly due to lack of sleep and the constant need to care for one or the other of the little pink things. Having a relative or friend come over to pull a night shift on occasion helps to an astonishing degree. The ideal "night shift" coverage is a teenage or early 20's relative who needs to be reminded that parenthood is not a responsibility to be undertaken lightly -- caring for, say, month-old twins through the night will indelibly etch the magnitude of that responsibility on any young mind. A form of sleep deprivation therapy for the young and restless :^). Just as (his wife) and I had gotten to the end of our frazzled rope about 3 months into the twin experience, just as we edged to sleep-deprived despair, they smiled, and they slept through the night, and a veil of happiness and peace engirdled on our family. From that moment at 3 months until now 13 years later, having twins has been an unalloyed happiness. It just gets better and better through every stage of their collective lives, being part of their togetherness and of their individuality."

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  • togagirltogagirl
    So many people make awful comments like that...it's usually, "looks like you have your hands full".  It's one of those times you just want to say, "if you don't have anything nice to day, don't say anything it all!"
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  • kyluvsajkyluvsaj

    Eff her and her little dog too.  What a terrible thing to say and shame on the MoM who told her that.  Is it hard?  YES!  Is it complete hell? NO!  How can it be complete hell when you have two little babies that love you so much?

    There will be an occasional night from hell or day from hell but there are more good days than bad.

    YOU WILL BE FINE!!!

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  • dragonflyinndragonflyinn

    Not to sound cliche but it is the hardest, but most rewarding thing I have ever done, and I would NOT trade it for anything.

    That comment was extremely rude.  I have bad days (this weekend) but the good days outweigh the bad--they are so worth it.

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  • doublewhammydoublewhammy
    I would say the only thing that has been 'complete hell' for me has been dealing with all of the unsolicited comments.  Even on my worst day I would never have considered twin motherhood hell...challenging yes...but never hell.
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  • FaeryStarGazerFaeryStarGazer member

    Rude, but not far off Stick out tongue

    I wouldn't say infancy or these early toddler things have been hell, IMO pregnancy was waaaaaaaaay harder.

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  • ChiBride2007ChiBride2007 member
    Ugh, this makes me so mad. I hate these unsolicited, insensitive comments. The more people say those types of things to me, the more excited I get about the babies, almost as if to prove them wrong. People suck sometimes.
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  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member
    Any baby can be that hard... so sure, twins can be really rough for a while. it's stupid of someone to say that- but it is the truth for a lot of people :)  You do your best- and you love it b/c it's your babies... to most outsiders- it does look like hell :)
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  • nope19401nope19401 member
    When I was about 10 weeks pregnant, I was flying from Texas to Pennsylvania.  The lady sitting next to me told me she was on her way back from visiting her sister and her twin daughters.  She proceeded to tell me how horrible it was and how she doesn't know how her sister does it.  I smiled, pulled out my Dr. Luke's Multiples book and started reading.  She was quiet for the rest of the flight
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  • jennmarie924jennmarie924
    I had a guy at the mall who was pushing a DSNG tell my DH and I that everyone says it gets easier but it doesn't.  It just gets harder.  We chalked it up to a bitter dad who just couldn't handle it.  I have loved every second and honestly, there are times when it is very hard.  But you make it work and push through and when they smile at you all the hard times melt away and you enter the world of mommy amnesia.  Try not to freak out too much.
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  • ajk612ajk612
    My sister had twins 6 yrs ago and I would help her in the early days and although some days are hard..never did she say it was hell. I think any mother, of any # of kids could say she had a tough day etc...but when all is said and done so thankful for her children. That was a dumb & insensitive comment.
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  • wmabridewmabride

    I have almost 6 month twins (1.5 month adjusted) AND an almost 3 year old.  Maybe I am lucky but I just don't think it is that bad?  Granted my oldest is still in daycare and evenings get a bit nutty with all 3 but aside from some sleep deprivation it really hasn't been too bad!  There was a rough week in there when we were trying to get the babies reflux figured out but other than that, I have three happy, relatively mellow children!  I the evenings DH takes one, I Bjorn or Moby wrap the other, cook dinner and my oldest "helps" or plays with her toys.  Right now the twins go to bed at 7:30, the toddler at 8 and DH and I have an hour together before I go to bed.  The babies get up at 1 and 4,eat in 20 mins and go right back to sleep.

     It really isn't so bad at all!  Now ask me when I go back to work in a few weeks...:)

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  • SteffaniSteffani

    I agree with pp- pregnancy was waaaayyyyy harder for me than having them actually here!

    I mentally prepared myself for "hell"- I was convinced I would never sleep again and that I would be overwhelmed with a toddler and two newborns. I must say, it has been a million times easier than I thought it would be. I know this isn't everyone's experience, but the twins have been very "good" babies.

    Hang in there, it's a wild ride, but it's fun!?

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  • lilmsmlilmsm

    It IS complete hell for the first few months. Sorry. But you survive it like everyone else does and while I wouldn't re-live those first few months for all the money in the world, I also love my kids more than my own life and wouldn't trade my life now for anything.

    I agree that it was probably not the most tactful thing to say to someone, but if I was asked by an expecting MOM what it was really like, I'd tell her it was harder than I ever expected but much much better than I ever expected. It is a complete hell, but you find that your kids are worth going through hell for.

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