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3rd Trimester
Anyone else afraid of giving birth?
I am 28 weeks and I LOVE being pregnant!!! But I am starting to realize that I won't be pregnant for that much longer before I have to give birth. The thought of holding my baby boy in my arms is amazing to me, but the thought of what I'll have to go through to actually hold my baby boy in my arms scares the crap out of me!! Is anyone else scared of giving birth? I'm a FTM so I have no idea what to expect. I'm not really freaked out about labor or contractions, I am more freaked out about the point when I will need to push the baby out of me. I can't imagine pushing a baby the size of a watermellon out of something the size of a lemon? I'm so small and I'm afraid of tearing. What if I can't do it? What if the pain is so intense that I go
unconscious or pass out? I'm so afraid of them doing an episiotomy on me and I am sure they will because I think I am so small down there and I have a feeling the baby is going to be big! And what if I do get tears, will sex ever be enjoyable again after giving birth? My doctor said that if a tear, it may take me a while to enjoy sex again but if I don't tear it may make sex more enjoyable.... I'm not sure how to feel about that. Any words of wisdom? Any thoughts of what might make me feel less anxious about giving birth in 2 months? Thank you ladies xoxoxoxo
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Re: Anyone else afraid of giving birth?
I think the best way to overcome these fears is for you to educate yourself about birth. Read a few books about the birth process such as Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth. Giving birth is not like pushing a watermelon out of something the size of lemon - your body is made to accommodate your baby, your pelvis adjusts and stretches, your cervix dilates and the baby's head adjusts to fit through your pelvis.
As for tearing, it doesn't always happen and it usually heals fairly well. This is my third birth and with my first had an episiotomy - it took a couple of weeks to heel and I had some discomfort here and there for a while after but it had literally no effect on my sex life.
As for pain, your body also produces hormones that help you deal with the pain. Not only that, but it is a productive pain that you can get through and, if you want, there are lots of options available for pain medication. Also, once it's over you won't remember it all that well.
Your body is made is for this, it is a normal physiological process!!
I agree with many of the points pp made; although I remember perusing through Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth when I was pregnant with DS and that book alone made me a bit more freaked out. It was a bit too "granola" for me, but that's just me.
Your body is going to do what it does. If you tear, oh well. You won't feel it; especially if you have an epi. Don't get me wrong. Childbirth is no picnic, and sex for me afterwards wasn't a walk in the park either. But my OB gave me some special cream to soften the scare tissue, and after a couple of weeks of using that (combined with some wine too!) we were back to normal again.
Worrying about the "what if's" are only going to stress you out. Some people have difficult births, while others push for 10 minutes, don't tear and have a great experience. Every birth is different and stressing about it won't do you any good.
Take a breath, and just think about holding your beautiful baby in your arms. Yes, it will hurt. But I'd do it a million times over in exchange for the beautiful smiling little boy I have in my life now.
IMO- the contractions were the really bad part. Pushing felt good because I finally felt like I had some control. That being said, I pushed like holy heck and the poor child shot out like a bullet and did some damage to me on his way out. That was because I sat at 10cm for 45 minutes waiting on my doctor to show up. Your dr/midwife should be able to coach you. I didn't have an epi or any other drugs due to being precipitous (fast).
My only way to describe "bad" contractions was this: Before birth, I was terribly nervous about having a bm while pushing. A friend told me "It hurts bad enough that you won't care if you do or not." I thought, there is no way I won't care, but sure enough. It's that kind of experience. You get so focused on getting through the pain, that you couldn't care less what you do on the table.
It's really not that bad. If it were, the world would be full of only children.
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Mmmm... granola! lol. Looks like it's going to be cereal for lunch today!
I think I'm the opposite of you. I can't stand being pregnant. I had no idea I would feel this ill all the time and I can't wait for this to be over with so I can have my appetite back.
I'll be a FTM as well and am using the fact that I don't know what to expect to my advantage. I read as much as I can about how your body works during labor, why contractions are useful and how it's beneficial to be present for them. I also read positive birth stories that pertain to the type of birth experience I want to have. If people insist on sharing their awful, bloody tales of birth with me I just let them know that isn't my favorite topic of conversation and change the subject. It's great to know about the risks involved and things you can do to minimize them, but it isn't something I want to focus so much attention on that it's going to cause unnecessary worry.
Tearing is something was also a big concern for me, so much so that I even looked into getting my hands on a device called the Epi-No childbirth trainer. lol. In the end, I decided to just trust my body to do what it needs to, if I do tear, it's nothing I won't survive like a whole host of women before me. That device won't give me any guarantees, either. All I can do is my squats and kegels and hope for my desired outcome!
Yeah, Ina May's book wasn't for me. Way too cheesy.
I'm afraid too but I just think about all my friends, sisters and cousins who have already done it and if they can get through it, so can I.
A friend gave me a good tip. Watch lots of TLC Baby Story leading up to the birth. I intend on doing that in the month I have off before my due date.
I couldn't disagree more. A Baby Story doesn't accurately portray a positive birth experience. It tends to depict more dramatic births and shows very few normal, low intervention, complication-free births.
""My doctor said that if a tear, it may take me a while to enjoy sex again but if I don't tear it may make sex more enjoyable...""
I don't know why, but I find that a very strange thing to say to a woman. You won't be having sex for, typically, 6 weeks after delivery anyway. And you will heal, regardless. Creepy doctor.