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Call for an 11 month old

hlsgradhlsgrad
in Adoption

Hi everyone, hoping to get some advice. We have an almost 4 y/o DD after years of IF. We're adopting for #2.  We are working with an agency in Indiana, and have waiting to be matched with a newborn (any race) for about 8 months. We just got a call that there was an unusual situation - an 11 month old baby possibly being placed for adoption.  Baby seems healthy - no drug/alcohol exposure but BM is in and out of shelters and doesn't want to have her baby raised like that.  Birth father is still on the fence about signing the consent, but candidly said adoption would be in the baby's best interest because he can't parent the child either. BF promised he'll decide tomorrow by 12 pm. So we are in limbo - if he signs, the court proceedings could be over by Thursday, and we would have the baby home by Saturday.

I am trying not to put the cart before the horse and plan, but it's against my nature! Any tips? I am thinking of bringing my DD too, is that a bad idea? She knows we are waiting for a baby and will not be surprised in teh least (she was in the car with me when i got the call and when i hung up said "how about we go get the baby now instead of waiting" haha). I hate to leave her overnight for the first time and come home and rock her world with a new little one - i would think it would be less of an adjustment if she were part of meeting her, etc.. 

Would welcome any thoughts! Thanks.

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Re: Call for an 11 month old

  • jillianmbjillianmb member
    That is so exciting!  I any advice, but just wanted to say all the best and I hope to hear a great update from you soon!

    TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
    SA February 2011: Normal
    RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

    Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

    Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
    Court trip October 2012
    Home November 24 2012!

    Back to RE Summer 2013. TTC journey continues: 

    Dx DOR, endometriosis, low sperm count 
    Clomid + IUI#1, #2 = BFN / IUI #3 = ???

    Laparoscopy scheduled December 2013

    Adding a Burden
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  • silliestbunnysilliestbunny member

    Wow.. that's exciting!

    Upside to bringing your DD is that she would diffuse any anxiety or tough moments.

    Downside... if things are scary or tense, it could be hard on her.


    I would probably opt to leave DD home.  Regardless of the introduction, a new baby will rock her world.  In a good way... but change is change :)

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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  • dholsappdholsapp member
    No advice, but just wanted to say congrats! I am from Indiana and also working with an agency in state. I hope that it all works out perfectly for you and your family!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC since June 2009
    01/10- Femara
    03/10- Femara
    07/2010- Clomid with injectables and IUI #1
    08/2010- IUI #2
    06/2011- IVF #1 BFP!
    09/2011- Miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks
    11/2011- FET
    01/2012- Start Home Study process
    03/2012- Home Study approved and now waiting on our child to find us!
    07/2012- matched with a BM who is due in October!
    11/10/12- our son is born!
    11/13/12- court grants us custody!
     12/28/12- finalization! Always ours in our hearts, but.now also ours forever

                           

       Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage

     

     

                     http://keepingupwiththejoneses-dana.blogspot.com/

     
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  • hlsgradhlsgrad
    Quick update - Birth father said he is agreeing to the adoption. It won't be official until court tomorrow and either of them or both can back out any time, but I felt myself starting to get excited which makes me anxious because I am trying SO hard not to let myself get attached. I don't want my DD to sense I am in any way sad or stressed if this doesn't go through. I would like to go to sleep now and wake up on Friday when this is (hopefully) all over. Woudl appreciate continued good thoughts and prayers!
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  • Jenn is SillyJenn is Silly member
    I've been waiting for an update!  Sending prayers of peace for both your family and the BP's!  Please keep us posted!!!
    Life, Laughter, and Happily Ever After: My blog & Adoption Story imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • kgs0505kgs0505 member
    Good luck!  Hope everything goes smoothly!

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

    image


    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

    image   
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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member
    Wow how exciting for you.  I'll keep my fingers crossed everything works out for you.  On the question of taking your DD, I would probably not.  If things don't go as planned, it would be devastating to her and confusing.  I wouldn't just show up at home with a new child either.  I would explain to her that you are going to meet someone who might become part of your family and then call her when you know if you'll be bringing home a new little addition.  That way she's prepared and aware of what's happening.
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  • hlsgradhlsgrad

    Sad update :( Birth father didn't show up to the meeting. Our lawyer wanted to push through and have the mom's rights terminated as scheduled, because they were both sure the BF was going to come in today or tomorrow and sign. But I can't take a baby from a BF who is having such serious reservations (he is working 2 jobs and has 2 older kids).  It broke my heart, but we passed on the opportunity. I am trying to remind myself it wasn't "our baby" but I did get attached. So the roller coaster continues. Thanks for your support everyone. Hope to have better news soon!

    And DD bounces back fairly quickly and said she's not sad, as long as the baby we take home is a girl too...uh oh!

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