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Parenting after 35
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Gender Regret

chibride4chibride4 member
in Parenting after 35

First of all, hi! This is my first time posting on this board, but as a 38-year-old mama of two, it seems like a good fit :)

Now for the real reason I'm here...

Lately, I've been disheartened that I don't have a daughter. Don't get me wrong (or flame me), I LIVE for my sons. They are without a doubt the lights of my life. And, since DS2 was unplanned (we were on the "one and done" path), I count my lucky blessings each and every day for them. it's just that I'm such a girly-girl and always pictured myself with a daughter. I even catch myself obsessing over girl names that I'll never have a chance to use (Eden, Colette and Noelle, in that order... LOL).

Can anybody else relate? I'd really appreciate words of encouragement to get over this for once and for all, and just appreciate the wonderful children I have. 

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Re: Gender Regret

  • StrunellaStrunella member

    I can't related as I only have DS (and wanted a boy), but I do know several people with children of one gender who were hoping for one of the opposite gender.  My cousin, who like you is a total girly-girl, tried all of the wive's tales while TTC to increase her chances that baby #3 would be a girl.  She ended up with 3 boys.  While her dream of having a girl was over, she told me that she finally realized that she was meant to be a mom of boys.  And she just started to embrace it and now can't imagine life any other way. 

    I know it's not the same thing, but do you have any nieces you can dote on?  I get my "adorable dress-buying" fix when I buy gifts for friends' little girls.

    And welcome to the board!

     
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  • mwdmwd member
    Let's say you did become pregnant again, you have a 49% of having a girl, right?  Then, you would have no guarantee that she would be a "girly-girl", right?  What I am trying to say is, if you would like to have another child in an effort to have a girl, then go for it.  Boys, and tomboys, are their own blessings!  
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  • gimmietimmiesgimmietimmies member

    imagemwd:
    Let's say you did become pregnant again, you have a 49% of having a girl, right?  Then, you would have no guarantee that she would be a "girly-girl", right?  What I am trying to say is, if you would like to have another child in an effort to have a girl, then go for it.  Boys, and tomboys, are their own blessings!  

    Okay, nerd here. It's actually less than that. The more of one sex you have, you have a lower chance each time of conceiving the opposite sex. You can only conceive a boy or a girl, but your dh can produce more sperm of either x or y, or an even count. DH has girly sperm. Stick out tongue

    OP, I do understand. Even though I do have ds, we were really hoping that we would have had one more boy. We were disappointed, briefly, but we're pretty happy with our dks.We never set out to try each time to have another girl or boy, or have more kids to try to even things out.

    ETA: T came up when I was posting and said "Awwwwww, they're so cute mom!". She's a sucker for flashy eyed boys. Here's a positive, one day you may be a MIL to two wonderful DIL's.

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  • bklynbrideceshbklynbridecesh member
    My DD is such a tomboy, so you never know how they are going to turn out.  Sometimes being a girly girl is not in the cards.  She plays with trucks and wrestles, and only has boy friends at school.  She refuses to wear dresses or skirts, etc. 
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  • chibride4chibride4 member
    Thanks, everybody, for making me feel better. Having another child is definitely out of the question, but now I can look forward to daughters-in-law. Although I must say that the idea of other women snagging MY boys is my worst nightmare! Ha!
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  • steverstever member

    As someone who just today found out that she's having a second boy I can honestly say, yes, there was a twinge of disappointment that I won't have a girl to dress up and go shopping with. But, like PP's have said, having a girl doesn't mean having a girly girl.

    At the end of the day, I'm happy having the cat and I be outnumbered by boys Big Smile

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  • chibride4chibride4 member

    @Stever -- Congrats! Although I've expressed some disappointment about having two boys, the HUGE upside is that there's a better chance they'll be close. No guarantees, of course, but I like the odds. Even most of my friends with one of each sex agree with this logic. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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  • LauraLynneCLauraLynneC member

    This is a little bit of a different take on it but I started out with one of each.  I was thrilled - I mean, isn't that what everyone wants?!  I was over the moon. 

    Fast forward to the teenage years.  My daughter has been VERY difficult to raise.  She's a great kid - the problem is more about how simliar we are and how I can see through my own eyes just where her choices will lead her.  She has the same eating disorder I do, simliar self esteem issues, etc.  She has tested me to the very limit.  My son has had his challenges but he has by FAR been the easier child to parent. 

    When I was pregnant with #3 I was TERRIFIED that it was a girl.  Raising my daughter has been THAT hard.  I was in tears at the a/s.  And they turned to tears of joy when they announced he was a boy.  Now we're considering #4 and my biggest factor preventing making a decision is that I'm, again, terrified it would be a girl. 

    I love my daughter.  I don't think I could live through raising another one.  (not to scare anyone, really - these are my feelings)

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  • chibride4chibride4 member
    @LauraLynne -- I really appreciate your perspective. I've thought of that, especially since I wasn't super easy on my mom. We still have our days ;)
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  • hereonceagainhereonceagain
    I would just look forward to future grandchildren and pray that includes a girl :)
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  • Kristi1971Kristi1971 member
    Maybe you will have grand-daughters!
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