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Natural Birth
nerdbaby
member
I could use some encouragement :(
nerdbaby
member
I feel so pathetic writing this to internet strangers (for whom I have the greatest respect, but still.. you know what I mean, right?) I'm just feeling like all my "go natural" resolve is vanishing and it's a sad, depressing state to be in.
I also typed this whole mammoth post last night and thought it posted but when I came back today to check it, nada. So that sucks.
So here's my abbreviated back-story... I'm a FTM, totally healthy before pregnancy, and still mostly healthy during, but I've developed meralgia paresthetica in my right leg, which started out as just an uncomfortable numbness and tingling, but now has progressed to a full-on debilitating, burning, shooting, searing pain 24/7. I walk with a cane at work to give myself some support and keep from falling out when it's at its worst. I'm taking half a percocet at night just to get some sleep - which kills me, absolutely kills me. I hate to take pain meds for anything.. cramps, headache, whatever. I'd rather stretch or take a nap or hydrate or try relaxation.. not because I'm so granola crunchy above western medicine, but because I believe I'm strong and if I take care of my body's needs it will take care of me. There's also the anxiety about taking a strong painkiller while pregnant, even my OB has assured me up and down that I'm far enough along, it's safe for the baby, and sleep is essential for the well being of us both.
This leg thing is breaking me down. I've never experienced anything close to this intensity and duration of pain. There are times when I can't support my own weight and when the baby shifts to the right side the pain is blinding, like off my feet immediately I'm going to pass out horrible. I'm afraid now that I won't be able to support myself during labor, even with a ball or a railing or help from my husband, that I won't be able to endure the pain or focus my mind, and I'll cave and get the epi.
I want to interject here that when I say "cave to the epi", I'm not saying I think getting an epidural is a weak choice, it's just not what I feel is best for me, my body, and the birth I'd like to give my baby. I've been told from the beginning that letting go of your best laid plans is one of the first and hardest lessons of parenting and motherhood, but I can't tell you how demoralizing it is to be in this state of mind about something so important, so precious, so one chance only, and this soon at 25 weeks.
I probably sound hysterical or irrational, but since God-willing this baby is only going to continue to grow, I know the symptoms and pain are going to continue to get worse until I'm on full bed rest.. maybe it's the lack of control I have over the situation that's exasperating my anxiety, I don't know. I'm trying to remind myself that my baby is healthy, I am healthy (temporary nerve condition aside), and that once she's born these symptoms will hopefully subside and I'll have my full faculties back at my disposal to mother her the way I intended.. but until then.. blarg.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I could use some encouragement :(
*hugs*
I don't have any real advice since I haven't experienced what you're going through, but have you considered a waterbirth? That would keep much of your weight off your leg and might help you to relax and have some support for your body so you can labour naturally.
Have you thought about chiropractic care? From what I'm reading your condition is caused by compressed nerves- maybe something that can be improved? It might be worth a shot if nothing else.
A doula might be a good investment for you as well- contact one early and tell her about your condition so she can research options to support you.
I don't think you sound hysterical. It must be a hard thing to go through. Please know that if nothing helps and you do feel you have to get an epidural, you are still doing amazing with what your are dealing with. Honestly, if it were me, I'd probably be clamouring for a c-section. You're very strong to still be persevering with your goal
Good luck!
Keep in mind that aside from the physical ability to hold yourself up, the pain is totally different. It's a different kind of pain, those contractions, and just because your leg gets unbearable does not mean that labor pains will be that way.
I second the water. Even if you are unable to do a water birth, you may have a jacuzzi tub available to take the pressure off.
I've had debilitating headaches for nearly 20 years. This was one of my worst fears as well, not being able to handle the pain naturally, as I always took medication for the headaches. 2 things to remember: The pain you feel now is constant, where labor pain comes and goes. Also, there is no end in sight for the constant pain, no goal to help you focus on getting through till the end. When you feel those contractions come and go, you will be able to know that you are doing it for a reason, you will be meeting your LO soon!
And yes, totally relax and do whatever you have to now (meds, chiro, or otherwise), so you can be ready for the labor when it comes.
This is my first baby also, and I think every first time mom has a huge fear about giving birth. Especially naturally! I have a lot of the same beliefs as you do, about medication for headaches, etc.
I don't have the pain you're experiencing exactly, but I have shooting pain down the inside of my left leg that comes and goes. It's only the baby putting pressure on my sciatic nerve, or so I'm told. But I also have a risk of pre-eclampsia and one of the signs is pain in the upper right side of the abdomen....something I keep having that only goes away for a day or two at the longest. It gets bad sometimes but I don't feel that it has been excruciating enough for emergency medical attention.
I'm worried that this pain in my side will make labor and delivering my baby more painful than usual...I don't know what causes this pain either, something else that scares me. And I want a drug-free natural birth so I'm just hoping none of the slight complications I've had will cause me to need a c-section.
I'm sorry about what you're going through, I know it must be very difficult. But I think you and I will both be fine. Women back in later times must have had certain complications like ours that made them worry too. But they didn't have the choice of pain medication during L&D!!! Just remember that pain is a mental thing beyond physical feelings. And if you do decide that you want pain medication, that's fine too!
I personally WILL NOT have an epidural but I'm okay with the thought of an IV and pain medication given to me through it... Hope this helps and encourages you
Honestly with the kind of pain you are experiencing now I'd be begging for an epidural NOW for a break! Constant pain wears you down mentally and makes it hard to consider more pain.
I think PP's were correct in saying its a different kind of pain - pain with a purpose. However, I think its important to mentally prepare yourself for different outcomes. How would you feel if you did get an epi? What about an epi early in labour to give you a break/rest so you can reduce it and push the baby out yourself? As PP mentioned how about a water birth?
Thank you all! I may try the chiropractor route... I have to admit, I've been kind of a skeptic about chiropractic medicine, but right now it's the only avenue giving me a non-invasive pain management option and the OB's for it, so why not?
Hubs made an interesting comment last night.. something to the effect of, "Maybe labor pain will be so out of this world that it will be the first time in months you actually don't feel your leg??"... and he said it with the biggest, most hopeful grin, you gotta love the guy. Optimism always.