Really need advice

octbridemaryland · April 2012

On how to approach implementing a schedule for my toddler when I have an infant.

Before my son was born, I brought DD to work with me which forced me to have a very strict ritual in terms of wake up time, breakfast, lunch, nap time, packing up to go home, dinner time, bed time. What we did in between naps and eating did not follow a schedule at all. I worked for my dad at his house in a completely different environment.

I feel like I'm starting over from scratch except now I have two kids. I have been going to a playgroup that meets once a week, going outside more, reading (I've actually always done) and indoor activities.

I am trying my best to keep patient with her, give her attention and provide her with activities. I feel like everything is always a mess if I don't take every free second I have to pick up. Where do I start? I do alot of things with her, but it's crazy the amount of effort and time it takes to do even simple activities. Right now, it seems like i cant turn my back on her for more than a minute without her getting into stuff(like papers on the table, food in fridge, closets). I don't expect her to be an angel but there has to be a way I can encourage her to be more independent and work towards teaching good habits.

Im frustrated and feel like a failure. There are so many things Ive wanted to do with her for a long time. It is upsetting that I feel like when I try, the outcome is me taking away something, giving up, and having a huge mess clean. I don't need a perfect house, but cleaning in general is harder to do with a newborn. Picking up toys is no big deal but breaking toys and throwing them is.

I know she is going to get into things that I dont want her, but i feel like I can't set anything down without her tearing through it. I don't mind her making a mess, but I do mind her spilling stuff on the carpet and standing on things that can fall/break. I do mind her her climbing on the counter and table. I do mind her getting into laundry. There is only so much I can put where she can't reach.

It just seems like my list of things i can ONLY do when she is asleep keeps growing and im struggling to accomplish even small tasks. Everything seems to take 5 attempts before its done. I hate that I am constantly putting things out of her reach. It seems like I can't keep anything organized and more and more things are misplaced and hard to find.

maiastar · April 2012

Having two LO's is a lot of work, you shouldn't feel like a failure. I'm not an expert by any means..the advice I can give you is to maybe try scheduled activities for her. Maybe set up a couple of bins with different toddler friendly activities in each one (blocks, shapes cut out of colored paper, arts and crafts supplies,etc). Each day start with the same activity, clean-up, and move on to the next one, etc. Maybe spend 10 - 20 mins on each activity- go by how long she can focus on each activity (building a castle, gluing shapes to paper, coloring, puzzles, play-dough etc.) then have her help you put away the activity before starting a new one (even if you find your doing most the clean-up at first, she will learn and it will become habit for her to pick up before starting something else)...you can mix in a scheduled outdoor playtime, reading time etc. In my experience working with several kids at a time, I've found that always having scheduled activities planned and available helped to keep the kids happy and busy, and diminishes the stress on you. Plus it gives them oppurtunities to be imaginative and creative. Planning and setting up might seem hectic at first, but once you have the specific activities availaible in organized bins it makes the day easier. I don't know what your daily schedule looks like but an example might be - after breakfast play with blocks (10-20 mins) clean up, arts and crafts time (10-20 mins), clean up, read books (10 - 20 minutes) clean up and snack, etc... Just an idea...

babypuplove · April 2012

I just typed out a long response, and then it disappeared. I will quickly try again...

You have an infant and a toddler. It's not going to be a cake walk, but it can be enjoyable. One thing I learned after having my second, is that just because my toddler became the oldest, didn't mean that she was suddenly a big kid. She was still a toddler. I found myself expecting her to be more grown up than she was, which led to frustration on my end. I learned to keep my expectations of her in check. A toddler is a toddler, and will do toddler things. It is your job as the parent to provide her with a safe, nurturing environment in which to learn, play, and grow.

Invest in a baby gate or two, and have a designated child-proof area in which she can play while you are tending to the baby. Don't keep important papers or neatly folded laundry in this space, as she will destroy all of it. It's not her job as a two year old to realize that she can't play with neatly folded shirts.

Try to set aside 10-15 minutes every hour to read to her or play with her, one on one, while the baby is asleep or otherwise engaged. This will make her feel like she's still important and her needs come first.

Have a fun 'art box' that you can break out when you just don't know what else to do. Play doh, puffy stickers, crayons, etc. Don't expect her to leave you alone for an hour or two while she plays with it, but it may give you 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

Don't be afraid to use the TV these first few months, or as long as you need to (if she'll watch it). I wouldn't keep it running all day, but knowing that you have a 30 minute show she can watch a few times a day will make things more manageable.

Most importantly, don't expect to have a clean, organized house on a daily basis. It just isn't going to happen. Set aside two times a day when you will spend 10 minutes running around picking up and getting things back in order, then do a major clean up after the kids are in bed. Following a two year old around and constantly picking up after her will just frustrate you, and take away from the time you should be spending enjoying your kids.

Basically, you need to lower your expectations of your two year old. It's a lesson that I slowly learned after having my second, and I plan to keep all of this in mind when our third comes along this summer. I know having a 2 year old, 3 year old, and newborn won't be easy, but at least I'll be better able to manage my expectations of my two oldest after going through it once already.

It will be tough for the next year or so, but you will get through it.

eaglesfan700 · April 2012

Ditto everything babypuplove said. She is wise, that one

MrsRoy07 · April 2012

***mentally filing puplove's advice for when we have another***

That is some good advice.

celiabwatson · April 2012

First, ironically as I was about to respond to this post my 2 year old was dumping milk in the back of the fan, so I cleaned that up and now I'm ready...

I have two suggestions, one that I do and one that I've been meaning to do.

First (I've been meaning to) you can make a visual schedule for your two year old. My plan is to have regular events (meal/sleeping times) on there and then have movable pieces so my toddler can have input into the plan for the day. Example: we have time after nap; we could go to the playground, play in our yard, take the dog for a walk etc. My plan is to make pictures representing each of these things and then give him two to choose from in the morning. That way he knows what to expect throughout our day. I'll also have ones that I put on, like appointments, meetups etc.

Note: While typing that last paragraph I was interrupted to clean up spilled milk, read a story, nurse the baby, read another story, rock the baby to sleep, make breakfast and get my son dressed. You're not alone in the interruptions zone.

Second (I've done for 3 weeks now), I made a chart on my white board with days of the week and 4 sections under each day. The sections are "morning activity", "nap chore" (things that have to be done on a daily/weekly basis) and "nap project" (things that have to be done once like organizing the garage or cleaning out my closets) and "afternoon activity". I fill in the chores and any scheduled activities at the beginning of the week, I add projects for the first several days, knowing that as things come up I can adjust and move things around. This has helped me get an overall picture and make sure that our life has a balance of relaxed days and structured activities. It also makes me more focused during naptime. And if I get all the naptime things done for that day I allow myself to relax and do something for myself.

octbridemaryland · April 2012

Thank you so much for your advice. Today has been much better. We played for the first 45 mins after breakfast, then she drew and played with play dough after. It's funny that she seemed more content drawing and such and let me wash dishes without fussing. I'm still I little worn from yesterday.

I had a really bad day despite trying to do fun activities. I am not a routine type of person by nature. Even when I was working, the weekends never kept the same pattern. It makes sense looking back that is probably why my daughter seemed to take crummy naps every weekend while her bedtime routine went without a hitch.

In some ways, I am so much more motivated to make the most of my day because I have two kids. It's for her sake as well as mine. It's going to be hard no matter what but what Ive done so far hasn't worked.

I definitely feel alone in this but that's okay. I'm realizing how I really don't have anyone to look to for advice. I have honestly made huge strides already but I struggle with being consistent and positive. It's a lot of work and I'm trying to undo alot of the patterns and behaviors I learned from my upbringing.

MamatoJackson · April 2012

This all sounds normal to me. The best recommendation I can make is if you know that something is consistently a problem, like her messing up papers - Don't leave the papers in her reach. Messes are going to be made. Anytime I get into the mindset that I am GOING to keep this place clean, I end up frustrated. DH always tells me that we just need to accept the fact that things are going to be a mess for a few years. He's totally right. I pick up at night after the kids are in bed and don't stress about it during the day.

Want a personalized experience?

Really need advice

Re: Really need advice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards