Kids helping in the kitchen- Question

WestCoastMommy · April 2012

I don't really allow the kids in the kitchen while I'm cooking unless it's to help make cookies. We have a small kitchen with a gas stove top and I just thinks it's not safe. The other day I was at my mom's with the kids and when I came into the Kitchen she had DS standing on a foot stole to the side of her gas stove stirring a hot pot of water. My son splashed a small amount of water onto his arm and it scared him and made him cry. I was mad that my mom would even allow it in the first place and then she informed me that she always lets him help when he's over. It bothered me but I didn't say anything and that night I couldn't sleep because I was so worried. We are leaving both kids with my mom while we are away for 5 nights in Mexico and now I feel sick.

Do you let your kids help in the kitchen? I know I have to talk to her about it but she takes most things I say to her, in regards to the kids, like I am telling her she is a unfit Grandma. Would an email be immature or should I just call.

Sawyerplus1 · April 2012

Honestly, I would speak to her about it, preferrably in person or over the phone. Express your concerns, but also recognize that she herself has successfully raised children and is very likely doing things safely with your DS. After all, she acknowledged that this wasn't the first time she's let him help, and he's been fine so far (the hot water splash was unfortunate, no doubt, but it sounds like it bothered you way more than it bothered him).

I'm pretty "free range", if you will, so I don't have a problem letting kids help in the kitchen or around the house. As long as it's an age appropriate activity and they are being supervised, I think it can be a great learning experience for kids, often with great benefits. I know my kids feel very proud of things they help with and when they do get to help prepare a meal they tend to take more interest in eating it. It can be more work and take more time to let them help, but letting them do it occasionally has benefits that far outweigh the risks, IMO.

WestCoastMommy · April 2012

Thank you. I am very non confrontational so I always talk it out before I have to confront the person. I think I may be freaking out more about leaving my kids and going out of country.

howleyshell · April 2012

I can totally relate to being a bit uneasy about leaving them with Grandma. We did it for the first time just this last October.

My brother gave me some great advice once (because my Mom watches his kids all the time): "She raised both of us and neither one of us died or ever suffered a serious accident at home. You may come home to find out that she fed them nothing but bacon for dinner (she did this once with his kids) but they'll be alive and well loved. Try to relax. She's been a mother way longer than you have. She may not do things exactly as you would but she's giving you free baby sitting and time to focus on your marriage. Accept that gift with gratitude and grace."

To answer your question - yes my kids help in the kitchen all the time. My 4 yr old has been making chicken with bread crumbs since he was 2. It's his favorite meal and I think it's because he gets to do all of the dipping and breading. He loves measuring, pouring and stirring. He's with me more than the older one because he's more into it.

When it's time to open the oven they have to stand back and they respect that.

My 4 yr old insisted on helping cook bacon. I tried to explain that the grease is hot and could pop on him. I even showed him how it was popping out onto the cook top but he wouldn't listen to reason and really wanted to help. He's kinda stubborn so... I let him flip bacon. He got a grease pop on his arm. We put cold water on it. Not the end of the world. Not even a red mark the next day. He learned that maybe sometimes Mom knows what the heck she's talking about and maybe he should heed my warnings in the kitchen. He learned that when I warn him that things might burn him he now understands exactly what "burn" means so he's more cautious now.

Some of my fondest memories of my Grandma are of us working in the kitchen together even though while in her care I once sliced my finger so bad with a potato peeler that I needed stitches.

I think you said it best when you said "it scared him and made him cry" - not "it left a burn with welts and needed emergency medical attention." A little respect for the dangers of the kitchen is a good thing IMO. With my youngest often times crying means learning. He won't listen to things and has to experience something before the light bulb goes off.

However.... I know it can rip your guts out when you know your baby has been crying and it could have been avoided so I totally understand where you're coming from on the Mamma Bear front as well.

It's a tough balancing act between letting them have experiences with other people and away from us vs. the instinct to keep them protected, safe and always cared for in exactly the way we'd like for them to be.

I don't think it would be inappropriate to tell her you're disappointed that she let him that close to water that was so hot that it could hurt him. I think she'll get the message.

However... I wouldn't be freaked out about leaving him in her care.

I'll bet she feels worse about it than you do!!

akayf · April 2012

I have a gas stove and DS is always helping me in the kitchen. He dumps stuff into the pots for me(while I am right there obviously) He stirs the pots. He adds spices. He loves it!!!!! I turn the burner off when he adding stuff and down to low when he's mixing. He is a great little sous chef and can actually name the ingredients for quite a few dishes!

the_jackpot · April 2012

I let my ds help all the time. We have a Learning Tower and he stands there and helps with most tasks...he is not permitted to be near the oven. Our kitchen is small and with the tower there it is really tight but my ds knows to stay away from the heat.

roxy_jj · April 2012

I'm like you, my kids mostly help me while I'm making something to bake like cookies or muffins. I also don't like the kids to be in the kitchen while I'm cooking something on the stove. It would make me really nervous if my mom was letting the kids help her prepare something hot. I would probably politely ask her not to do that anymore.

Brewtowngrl · April 2012

ugh, I can't cook without two chairs next to me with hands into everything. I have learned to stand next to the stove and they measure and pour before I turn on the burners. I was burned on the stove when I was little so that is where I draw the line with my comfort. One positive is that the kids tend to try new foods if they help make it.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

Sawyerplus1:
Honestly, I would speak to her about it, preferrably in person or over the phone. Express your concerns, but also recognize that she herself has successfully raised children and is very likely doing things safely with your DS. After all, she acknowledged that this wasn't the first time she's let him help, and he's been fine so far (the hot water splash was unfortunate, no doubt, but it sounds like it bothered you way more than it bothered him).
I'm pretty "free range", if you will, so I don't have a problem letting kids help in the kitchen or around the house. As long as it's an age appropriate activity and they are being supervised, I think it can be a great learning experience for kids, often with great benefits. I know my kids feel very proud of things they help with and when they do get to help prepare a meal they tend to take more interest in eating it. It can be more work and take more time to let them help, but letting them do it occasionally has benefits that far outweigh the risks, IMO.

This but a pot of boiling anything is very dangerous and needs to be treated that way with extra precaution. But I could never kick my kids out of a room.

WestCoastMommy · April 2012

Thanks ladies

penguingrrl · April 2012

I let my kids help in the kitchen a lot. I make sure they're properly supervised, but I feel like learning how to prepare food is a really important part of life (I'm a huge cook and baker). Of course they could potentially get hurt, but I feel that the importance of learning how to safely do these things outweighs the slight risk of them getting hurt while doing so. And if they're properly supervised while learning the injuries will be small and they'll learn.

My 4 year old is allowed to stir things on our gas stove as long as I set the stool up for her (at the proper distance) and am standing there watching. We're getting close to the point where I will teach her how to use a knife, again well supervised. My 2 year old isn't as interested in the kitchen as her sister, but she has helped me as well.

I'd rather teach them as they show interest than have them sneak off and try to do it without me.

segerama · April 2012

Howleyshell - Thanks for your perspective on leaving kids with grandparents. Our daughter is nearly 3, and we have never left her overnight with grandparents. I agree that it is a tough balancing act between letting them have experiences with other people away from us and my very strong instinct to keep her close to me.

I know logically speaking that a day or two of junk food, the first fast food meal(s), and no bedtime are not going to hurt her.

jlw2505 · April 2012

I would not email in regard to this or anything else in regard to how you prefer your kids be parented. Things can come across very differently than how you intend them to when written and not in an actual conversation.

As far as the kitchen, yes, my kids have helped in the kitchen for as long as I can remember - maybe around age 2 give or take. We have always set the rules very strictly and repeat them every time they help. For us, we want the kids to learn to love cooking (I hate it and DH does the cooking with the kids although I do it sometimes, DH is just way better than me at it). We have an area where we prep and we always let them help with that but with certain foods, we don't let them touch (raw meats for example) and we carefully explain why. As far as mixing on the stove, we tell them where they can touch and where it will be hot. We have a high stool that has 2 steps and a rail that is perfect for them to hold onto and we are always right there with them and helping them so they are never standing at the hot stove alone. I think its a great thing to have the kids be a part of as long as you are closely supervising what they are doing. They need to learn this skill. We also always include the kids in meal planning and grocery shopping and doing these things has been known to improve what and how much kids eat since they are part of the whole process.

RaeAnt · April 2012

We let DS help with some stuff. Mostly he just watches but it is while he is seated in his chair at a safe distance from the stove/oven. We know how quick he is and his propensity for trying to do what we're doing. (I've caught him trying to light the one burner with the lighter that we use to manually light that burner!) We will let him help measure out things or dump it in a bowl or the other day, i had him hep me peel eggs, but it's all while seated and he knows there are dangers in the kitchen, though he doesn't always listen. We're still working on getting him to understand that when a pot/pan is on the stove or the oven is on, that it's HOT and you don't touch.

livinitup · April 2012

I let DD help in the kitchen all the time. She has a step-stool for the stove and I keep a close eye on her. She's very gentle and caution around heat, so I'm not anxious. I think some basic kitchen skills is much safer than banning her from the room.

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