In a weird place-vent

buggywhips · April 2012

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I'm not happy. I think it has to do with MH being oot this week...he's been gone a lot for work. It seems the only time I have for myself is after M goes to bed (which tonight wasn't until after 11).

I've always wanted to be a SAHM but it's wearing on me. First world problem, I know. But it seems like any time I try to do something to get out of the house (walks, shopping, just going for a drive) M cries the majority of the time. I've always been a super active person and all he wants to do is sleep on my boob. I miss riding my horses and competing on them. I miss taking the dogs on walks. Hell, I miss vacuuming the house whenever I feel like it.

I know this stage will pass. And I know when it does, I'll be sad, because he already is growing up way too quickly. But I've had 4 beers tonight, and I'm whiney.

/vent.

bsugirljen · April 2012

I'm in the same frame of mind. I dread errands because LO will inevitably have a meltdown in the car, and I have to pull over and take care of him--sometimes I have to nurse him in the backseat in a parking lot. It will get better, and we will miss these days, but I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.

laken256 · April 2012

You are def not alone. I've had the sahm blues too. I've been a sahm for almost a year now, but its very trying. I feel bad bc sometimes I wish I could go back to work to get adult interaction and have a life outside of diapers and bottles. I love my boys and being home with them, but its rough sometimes. Ppl think sahms have all the time in the world to themselves but its not true. I don't even get to go to the bathroom without my oldest following me. I miss being as active with my horses as well, and although show season hasn't started for us yet, I miss being able to go on trail rides with friends (heck I miss HAVING friends lol). It will get easier, but getting used to a slower paced life is rough. Just hang in there! It's so worth it to know how you're baby is growing up and having the benefit of seeing every little milestone at home!

michelle142 · April 2012

I'm not a SAHM, but I know how you feel. C is a super slow nurser, so I usually only have maybe 1.5 hours tops between feedings when we're home. I feel like I never have time to get anything done at the house, let alone go anywhere. Last weekend was the first time we took DS shopping with us and he's almost 4 months old! It doesn't help that decent shopping is 40 minutes away.

It's just hard, I feel tied down and I too miss being able to do things freely. I don't have a free minute to myself from 4am to 9pm everyday. It gets tiring.

whirlygirl00 · April 2012

I give you a lot of credit! Being a SAHM is hard and I only did it for 3 months. I hope it gets better soon, I'm sure as he gets a little older he'll enjoy being out and about a little more. Have you tried a carrier yet? That's how I get household chores done most of the time, especially vaccuming.

robynlynn83 · April 2012

michelle142:

I'm not a SAHM, but I know how you feel. C is a super slow nurser, so I usually only have maybe 1.5 hours tops between feedings when we're home. I feel like I never have time to get anything done at the house, let alone go anywhere. Last weekend was the first time we took DS shopping with us and he's almost 4 months old! It doesn't help that decent shopping is 40 minutes away.

It's just hard, I feel tied down and I too miss being able to do things freely. I don't have a free minute to myself from 4am to 9pm everyday. It gets tiring.

This is us. Jude is sooo slow at nursing... Between him and 3 others, I feel like I get crap done daily when I am home. I work an hour away so by the time the kids get to bed, Jude finishes his monster evening nursing session, and I can pee for the first time, I am too spent to do a damn thing.

I get the down feeling quite often too.

DaisyKD · April 2012

Just wanted to say I understand. I work one day a week and I literally LIVE for that day of work. I always kind of thought I would want to be a stay at home mom but now I know that it's not for me. I actually would prefer to work 2-3 days a week just to get out of the house and get some more interaction. Plus DH helps a lot more on the days/nights that I work. It is so much harder than I thought it would be to be at home all the time with DS, I love getting to spend so much time with him but it does get really monotonous. I feel so isolated and it is hard to run errands or do anything because he eats and sleeps so much, and he doesn't sleep well when we're out and about.

I think that as the months go by it will be easier-once he starts sleeping and eating less frequently and we can join some playgroups and get out more. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

emd2887 · April 2012

Hang in there mama! I didn't understand how hard being a SAHM was until I became one. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that we are in the position for me to SAH, and I wouldn't want to be doing anything else, but it can be very lonely and trying at times. MH also works long hours and even when he's home he does a lot of work on his laptop, so I'm doing most of the work taking care of E and the house.

E is a ridiculously slow nurser. It doesn't help that now she's becoming so much more aware of everything that's going on around her that what already took her 30 minutes is now doubled because each time she nurses she pops herself off the boob every few minutes like "Hi Mom! I'm looking at you. Are you looking at me? Ooh, I can kick my feet. That's super exciting! What are you looking at Mom? Why isn't your full attention on me? Oooh, you're looking at a magazine! I want to look at a magazine too! The dog walked by! What is the dog doing? What's that noise?" and on and on. Most days I get hardly anything done, let alone having any time left over to myself.

I talked with DH about it because it was making me so miserable, and we've scheduled time into our calendar where he watches E so I can have some "me" time. Having something to look forward to makes the days in between go by so much faster.

michelle142 · April 2012

emd2887:
E is a ridiculously slow nurser. It doesn't help that now she's becoming so much more aware of everything that's going on around her that what already took her 30 minutes is now doubled because each time she nurses she pops herself off the boob every few minutes like "Hi Mom! I'm looking at you. Are you looking at me? Ooh, I can kick my feet. That's super exciting! What are you looking at Mom? Why isn't your full attention on me? Oooh, you're looking at a magazine! I want to look at a magazine too! The dog walked by! What is the dog doing? What's that noise?" and on and on. Most days I get hardly anything done, let alone having any time left over to myself.

This made me LOL. C is the same way especially when it comes to the dog. He's FASCINATED by the dog.

beka0404 · April 2012

Like others have said, you are not alone. I'm beginning to think it's impossible to leave the house until after 1:00 because of DD's self-set schedule. Plus she wants to nurse/take a bottle every 1.5 hours. It's like a prison sentence with the cutest warden ever.

I think it's pretty natural to feel the way you're feeling. It's an enormous change! Just plain having a baby is a huge change, but adding the SAHM factor is even bigger.

Happily Overwhelmed · April 2012

I'm in your boat too!

DH works a ton in the spring and being stuck in the house with DS 24/7 is getting to me. He's been really needy/moody lately and the house is a mess. I don't feel good about the surrounding mess, let alone the fact I can't even get dressed some days.

It sucks because the "need to dos" are now the "treats". Like getting to run the vacuum. I don't dare take DS out by myself (I can't handle him in public without help and applaud those new moms brave enough to try it!). It seems like lately my only time out of the house is on Sunday when we take a family trip to the grocery store. Which is still work. I've been trying to get my toenails painted for a week now! Sometimes I skip meals simply because I don't have the energy to clean up the mess it will make.

I tell my DH all the time that I "miss being a girl". I used to love to look nice (hair done, nails painted, make up done, put together outfit). Now my sweats are soaked in drool, my hair is in a pony tail, I have gray hairs that need color! I'm like you...I don't want to say I'm depressed...but it's hard not to pair myself somewhere in that catagory looking like this! I want to feel nice and feel like I'm living for myself again. It sounds selfish. I love my baby and I love being a mom. But SAH is really hard! At the same time though there's no way I could drop DS off each day at a babysitters/daycare.

Like you said, this will pass and we'll miss our babies. I'm trying my best to "life in the moment" and enjoy it. It's just tough sometimes.

ccip82 · April 2012

I can definitely understand where you are coming from. I SAH too and DH just left for Scotland. DD and I will not be joining him for another two months. Although I have help from family, its really hard sometimes.

There are times I get really lonely and miss having the adult interactions too. Don't get me wrong, I love DD and we are very fortunate that I can be a SAHM, but it can be really hard.

This may sound silly, but have you tried vacuuming while DS is in his swing or crib? E seems to love the background noise and she will stop fussing if I vacuum. Before we sold our house, I had a very messy house at times, but my carpets were always freshly vacuumed lol!

BTW, I too love having a big glass of wine at the end of the day or a nice cold beer or two! Especially, if it has been a looonnng day! Cheers mama Beer

buggywhips · April 2012

Thanks, ladies. Glad to know I am not alone! I do have family near me but they can only do so much...my mom and sister both work, plus my sister is 24 weeks pg so she's always tired. My dad won't baby sit until M is older and easier to handle. I also feel bad pawning him off to my parents because he can be a PITA sometimes. Once my sister has her baby in July we will be trading babysitting services so hopefully things will be easier then.

I have a ring sling, moby, and baby bjorn. M hates the sling and moby and I don't like the Bjorn because of the issues it can potentially cause M. I have an Ergo on it's way (hopefully I will get it tomorrow!) so that should help with some household chores. My house is a disaster. He is in his swing right now watching a show on phonics so I am going to try and get some cleaning done...and who knows, maybe a shower!

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