Leaving a child in the car?

Nicolewinsbingo · April 2012

This is something I've been wondering about lately...do you think its ever okay to leave a child in the car? I think most people would agree you shouldn't leave them in the car while grocery shopping or something, but what about less extreme examples?

My specific example: I nanny for a 10 month old infant. We pull into the front spot at a pottery store. The car is literally about 6 feet from the door. I need to walk in, grab our bag off the shelf, and walk out. I only go about 10/15 feet into the store. I can see the car the entire time and I am out of the car for less than one minute, probably around 20 seconds. I am 8 months pregnant...do I really HAVE to grab that 40 pound infant car seat with baby in it and haul it in and out with me? Or is it okay to leave her strapped in her seat, take the keys, lock the car, and run in and out as quickly as possible? (In this example I did haul the baby in, but it was a pain.)

What about putting a movie in the slot at a video rental store, or library books in the return? If you have to park and walk 20 feet, are you obligated to take the kids out with you every time? In rain, shine, or blizzard?

Last example, you're parked in driveway. Baby is all strapped in and you're about to go. You realize your phone is still on the table. Can you run into the house and grab it without taking baby with you, if you are going to be gone for less than 30 seconds, and its not extreme weather (like extreme heat or cold?)

What do you ladies think? What would you be comfortable with?

Jinnifah · April 2012

A quick in-out trip I think it's fine to leave the baby locked in the car. I'd be a little more hesitant in the examples where you are actually going inside a business - you never know what might cause you to get held up. But forgetting something in your house, dropping books off into an outdoor return etc I see as no big deal.

[eta] I live in a very rural area, car theft/abductions etc are basically unheard of. People don't lock car doors. So its certainly a different situation from a city

buninmyoven · April 2012

In my driveway = yes

In public = no

In public with someone else's child = especially no

Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

kellyalvey · April 2012

Agree with this about driveway is a yes everything else is a no.

PotomacSt · April 2012

buninmyoven:
In my driveway = yes
In public = no
In public with someone else's child = especially no
Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

agree. Especially on the last point.

I live in the city and I've heard of too many cases of cars being stolen with babies in the backseat because the parent got out for just a couple minutes and left the car running, which is the #1 thing that attracts thieves. There was one where the mom didn't even leave the baby, she was just standing outside the car smoking.

Besides that, there are just too many things that could happen...

Tippy05 · April 2012

buninmyoven:

In my driveway = yes

In public = no

In public with someone else's child = especially no

Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

This!

cari12 · April 2012

buninmyoven:
In my driveway = yes
In public = no
In public with someone else's child = especially no
Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

Agreed and I don't even like leaving them in my driveway. I've only done it a few times where I've left something inside and had to run back for it after getting them loaded in the car. I lock the doors and I can see our car from the front door, if that wasn't the case I wouldn't even do that.

mrs+harlow · April 2012

I would have a hard time leaving an infant unattended in the driveway or out in public. For me it's a no.

FyreFlyeRush · April 2012

I am 8 months pregnant...do I really HAVE to grab that 40 pound infant car seat with baby in it and haul it in and out with me? - Take the baby out of the seat, or ask someone to bring the item out to the car. Call ahead and ask them if they can meet you out front and help you load.

What about putting a movie in the slot at a video rental store, or library books in the return? - OK to walk five feet from the car and drop the movie/book in the slot. TURN OFF THE ENGINE AND TAKE THE KEYS.

Can you run into the house and grab it without taking baby with you, if you are going to be gone for less than 30 seconds, and its not extreme weather (like extreme heat or cold?) - Yes

Gas station - No

McDonald's - (walk in) No

McDonald's - (Trash) Yes

Mailbox - Yes

Post office (walk to outside mail drop) - Yes

Post office (walk in) - No

When in doubt, take the baby out.

jmgcoggins · April 2012

buninmyoven:

In my driveway = yes

In public = no

In public with someone else's child = especially no

Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

This!

MeghanF13 · April 2012

I would never leave baby/kid in a car - even for a few minutes. You could get distracted, or get talking to someone and end up being gone longer than expected. Kids are affected by the heat way sooner than we are. It's just not worth the risk. And if you were my nanny and I found out you did this, I would be getting a new nanny ASAP.

lovetohike · April 2012

No for me and if found out my 10 month old was left in a car I would be TICKED! DS's dad left him in the car when he was 9 months. Once to run into the post office to get stuff from his PO box and then to get take out. He said he walked up to the take out window. I still don't care. Baby always goes with me. Carriers have handles for a reason. I have a hard time leaving my 5 year old in his car seat in my driveway if I need to run inside and grab something really fast. It has happened very seldom and I live in a good neighborhood.

MrsWP · April 2012

Unfortunately I would say no too.. Its never okay.. Have you seen the movie courageous? The beginning scene is a man at a gas station who walks to the next pump to grab a window squigee and someone jumps into the car and takes off with his child in it. (just trying to steal the car not the child). Obviously thats extreme but hey.. you just never know.. and even though its a pain.. you would NEVER forgive yourself if something happened to baby in those 10 seconds.
I think its not worth the risk for the added convenience.. I guess that just means we need to be more organized than others! Good luck . haha

jp0129 · April 2012

DH and I just talked about this. We have a car with remote start that lets you have the car running but the keys out of the ignition and the doors locked. So in a situation like yours I would have probably said fine. Now if i have to say run into the convenient store and will have to stand in line. Probably not.

sandrajean09 · April 2012

I would only leave baby in our driveway if I forgot something, with the doors locked and the keys in my hand. I can see the car where I park it from the living room window. Otherwise, I would take the baby with me. I like what a PP said- "when in doubt, take the baby out."

xnbride · April 2012

picking up dry cleaning with the car curbside and little Ceasars hot and ready are the only times I have ever left the kids in the car and they were litterally 6 ft away. Anything more then that or more involved than that would make me uncomfortable.

edit to add: I do run in the house on occassion to grab their blankies or my cell phone but always take the key with me. Ideally I would be able to park in the garage but right now that is not going to happen. In my opinion, it is much safer for them to be in the car while I do a quick run in then have them roaming around.

stemms8810 · April 2012

My DD is 5 and I still am hesitant to leave her in the car for a minute in my driveway or garage. I will run into my house to grab something in less than a minute but I run! Haha. I feel like you can't trust anyone, even in your own driveway. I am not saying I haven't done it, but I do it very quickly.

I am generally not comfortable with doing this anywhere in public. But, I have left my DD in the car while dropping off a movie at Redbox which was 6ft from my car and there was no line. Even at though, she was older (4 or 5), not a baby.

MrsWP · April 2012

sandrajean09:
I would only leave baby in our driveway if I forgot something, with the doors locked and the keys in my hand. I can see the car where I park it from the living room window. Otherwise, I would take the baby with me. I like what a PP said- "when in doubt, take the baby out."

My friend said this too.. but then she left the baby in the locked car with the keys on the front seat... oops... She was so scared she broke her front door to get in and get her spare set. Of course we'd all like to think we'd never forget the keys on the front seat with the baby in there.. but after all, we left the baby in there because we forgot something in the house in the first place... right? just saying I don't trust me that much.

hoping4sticky · April 2012

FyreFlyeRush:

I am 8 months pregnant...do I really HAVE to grab that 40 pound infant car seat with baby in it and haul it in and out with me? - Take the baby out of the seat, or ask someone to bring the item out to the car. Call ahead and ask them if they can meet you out front and help you load.

What about putting a movie in the slot at a video rental store, or library books in the return? - OK to walk five feet from the car and drop the movie/book in the slot. TURN OFF THE ENGINE AND TAKE THE KEYS.

Can you run into the house and grab it without taking baby with you, if you are going to be gone for less than 30 seconds, and its not extreme weather (like extreme heat or cold?) - Yes

Gas station - No

McDonald's - (walk in) No

McDonald's - (Trash) Yes

Mailbox - Yes

Post office (walk to outside mail drop) - Yes

Post office (walk in) - No

When in doubt, take the baby out.

This. I always love the answers of FTM vs. Moms with kids. I also love some of the answers that you get with this question (which comes up often).

pinkmoonlight · April 2012

I will say I have left my daughter in the car in our garage before if say I have a lot to get in the car such as a stroller, bags or whatever for going out. However I usually have those things sitting right inside the doorway of our house so really she isn't alone, I am just outside of the car, open the door to the house and grab what I need. This only happens if I cannot get it in the car before I put her in as I also do not leave her in the house alone as well. We have also left her in the car while unloading groceries or other things if and only if she is sleeping. However it is seconds that she is not in the eye sight of either DH or I. Those are the only times that she has ever been left alone. I would NEVER leave her in a public place no matter how close it is to the car. You never know what might happen.

cookies+milk · April 2012

On almost every occasion, I say it's never Ok to leave them. The trouble I run into with DD (I SAH with her) is grocery shopping. When we get home and I need to unpack groceries, I can't carry her in with the groceries, and I need to make multiple trips for groceries. If she were in an infant seat, I'd bring her inside, then get the groceries, but because she's not, I leave her in the car, run all the groceries to the front porch (so I can still see the car) and then get her inside, then lug in the groceries. I don't want to leave her in the car, but I also don't want her alone in the house. It's a tough call.

Nicolewinsbingo · April 2012

MeghanF13:
I would never leave baby/kid in a car - even for a few minutes. You could get distracted, or get talking to someone and end up being gone longer than expected. Kids are affected by the heat way sooner than we are. It's just not worth the risk. And if you were my nanny and I found out you did this, I would be getting a new nanny ASAP.

For clarification, as stated before, I did not leave the baby, I brought her in. It just got me wondering whether it was ever appropriate. As a nanny I expect the standard of care to be the same as I would give my own child, or the same as the parent would give their own child. So, of course I would never do anything I wasn't sure the parents would be comfortable with, but I also would never do anything that I wouldn't do with my own children.

Also, I'm not talking about a few Minutes in the car. I'm talking a few seconds. In direct sight of the car. With the doors locked, keys in hand, windows cracked when appropriate. I'm not saying that I feel its definitely appropriate, just something I was wondering about.

IsaacA · April 2012

I have ran inside the house to grab either my phone, a sippy, or the diaper bag that was in the entryway while DS was in the car in the garage. I have also unloaded (2 trips) of groceries into the entry way since DS was sleeping. Then I put him on the couch to sleep (he's 1.5 and doesn't roll off). Then put away groceries.

I have always brought DS with me to do everything else. I have taken DS out to get a pop from a gas station, pay for gas, drop off a book/movie, etc.

The only time I could leave DS in the car is if someone else is in the car with him. SO, sibling, my parent, ILs, etc.

Like PP - even when DS is 5 or 6, I don't think I could leave him in the car.

wheelsonthebus · April 2012

I guess I have the unpopular opinion here, but I don't think it's a big deal as long as the car is not running and YOU have the keys. That being said, I would never do it with someone else's child. With my own child, yes. I don't do it nearly as much as I would like because it's not socially acceptable anymore. Around here, you can't even park at a curb and drop a library book in a slot three feet away without someone giving you dirty looks. I feel that if you can see the car and you are gone for just a minute, it's fine as long as you have the keys and the car is locked. I had to do it with DS once when he was younger and we had to drop the dog at the vet. I couldn't get the dog and him inside and all I had to do was drop the dog and run so I did.

charmschool · April 2012

theresat858:
I'm of the opinion that it is never okay. What if you lock the keys in the car? Then you don't know how long the baby will be stuck in the car. And it only takes a second for a predator to see an unattended baby and snatch them.
ETA: In your garage, it's fine for a minute to grab something...but that's not the same as being in a public place.

My mom did this with my brother once when he was a baby and she is still traumatized about it. She was just getting out for a second to return some videos. He ended up stuck in the car for almost an hour before the locksmith came, and this was in Alabama in the spring (pretty hot). He was okay because she happened to be parked in the shade, but it could have been bad.

sabrina69barnes · April 2012

In my state it is legal to leave the kids in the car for a short period of time as long as they are in withing eyesight. I would never leave my baby in the car and would absolutely not leave some else's baby in the car but I have left my older children in the car. Here are some examples.

I get paid in cash since I do daycare. Sometimes I've needed gas and I've gone inside to pay and left the kids in the car. I'm able to see them and the car is locked.

Our bank used to only accept cash deposites at the walk up ATM so I've left the kids in the car for that. I can see them the whole time and they are about 6 feet away.

I remember leaving the in the car once while I ran in to pickup pizza for a birthday party. Once again I was able to see them.

We live in a very rural area and my older kids are 5,7,and 8. If my kids were younger or we lived somplace different I might not do this.

Lynnette171 · April 2012

Definitely not in public and definitely not with someone else's kid! As far as my driveway...I am undecided. We live in a suburban neighborhood and while it's a decent neighborhood I'm not sure I'd be comfortable. Now if I were still living where I previously lived which was extremely rural and secluded (no one else around at all except family) then yes, I would be fine leaving baby in the car.

Heather2256 · April 2012

Our roommate will leave their 5 year old in the car while he stands on the porch & smokes (she's autistic so it's not like she asks why he does it, probably doesn't even realize what's going on). Sometimes she's asleep, sometimes she's not. Even though he can see her at all times, it's like, just freaking bring your kid in!

DCsara · April 2012

I would not leave DD in the car while I actually walked into a store to conduct business, but I've certainly hopped out to return books at the outside library return, to push a cart back to the curb at a store (assuming it's within 15 feet or so), or other similar tasks. And yes, I've left her in the driveway for a minute while I ran back in to retrieve a sippy cup or purse or whatever--we live on a small, quiet cul-de-sac with almost no traffic and know all our neighbors.

Of course there's a line between practicality and negligence, but I feel just fine about this. Child abduction by strangers is actually very, very, very rare. Studies have shown that if you for some reason actually wanted your kid to be abducted you would have to leave him or her on a street corner for 750,000 hours on average for it to happen. Of course anything is possible, but I think we get a very exaggerated sense of the risks from the news media.

JAP09-02 · April 2012

If DD1 (2.5 yo) falls asleep in the car, I leave her there. However, the car is in my garage with the door closed, windows rolled down, and the door to my house open. I do live in SD, so there are definitely times I can't do this due to weather. She has never been good at being transferred while sleeping. I would not leave her in the car to enter a business.

Also, I'm really surprised that people think it is better when they are a little older. I think the exact opposite. An older child is more likely to be able to undo their carseat climb out and lock the doors, play with the ignition, etc.

MrsWP · April 2012

just to keep it going... I understand that it's "rare" that abduction may occur but in reality.. would you ever forgive yourself if you HAPPENED to be that one person it happened to?

Also, though it is supposed to be rare I have PERSONALLY known 3 people who've had major, leave-the-baby/child-in-the-car regrets...

My friend accidentally locked the keys in the car with baby in there.

My aunt's 5 year old climbed into the front seat while in her driveway and pushed the shifter which caused the car to drift forward into a tree (fortunately he didn't get hurt)

And the sadest story of all (and this one was an extreme example and is something I think most of us agree we wouldn't do) A friend from church left her daughter in the car in her garage while she was sleeping.. and very unwisely left the car on to control the temp. The baby died from CO2 poisoning and the mother ended up in jail for "neglect." (I honestly don't think she was trying to neglect her child, she was just ignorant to the dangers as she was a young mom and had very little support from family)

My point? Just be careful... you may be the rare case.. or you may never have a problem... but is your childs life worth that risk?

FTM's I hope you don't let the second timers here convince you to be unsafe just because they have more experience and some have gotten comfortable with taking risks..

EmilyP103 · April 2012

buninmyoven:
In my driveway = yes
In public = no
In public with someone else's child = especially no
Also, where I live, people will call the police if they see an unattended child in a car.

Agreed!

Nicolewinsbingo · April 2012

JAP09-02:

Also, I'm really surprised that people think it is better when they are a little older. I think the exact opposite. An older child is more likely to be able to undo their carseat climb out and lock the doors, play with the ignition, etc.

This is what I have been thinking. A one year old strapped in her seat is much less likely to get into trouble than a 5 year old, who can drive the car, lock the doors, get out of the car and wander into traffic, etc.

Also, a lot of people have brought up that in their area people would call the police if you left your child in the car. I myself would call the police if I saw what I believed to be neglect. But of the laws that I can find, it is not illegal to leave your child in the car if the key is not in the ignition and the car is not running, and there is no imminent danger (such as extreme heat). On top of that, again, the point of this post wasn't "Is it okay to shop for 15 minutes in the mall and leave the baby in the car?" It was more about, how do you feel about walking 20 feet from the car and back without taking out your child? It would be pretty absurd to try to call the cops in the 30 seconds that elapse while the mom puts the dvd in the return slot. The mom has not broken the law and has not commited neglect. I think it would be more bizarre if, for instance, on a 0 degree day a mom unloaded her 4 children, including an infant, to literally walk 20 feet with her and back and then load them all back up. Why is that favorable??

Or what about unloading your twin toddlers to cross a busy street with you so you can stick an envelope in the mailbox? Is it really safer for them or for you to try to run across the road holding two 2-year-olds hands then to leave them in a locked car in your eyesight?

I do see the point of vehicle theft and accidental abduction, mostly if you live in an area where vehicle theft is a problem. My IL's lived in a big city in FL when my husband was a baby and at that time the stat was 1 in 4 people will be a victim of a violent crime, like armed robbery, vehicle theft, assault, etc. If where I lived had anything even near those numbers I would be less inclined to go out in public with LO at all, much less leave him/her in a car. A lot of do not live in places anywhere near that dangerous, however.

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