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Attachment Parenting
ACAsomeday
member
f/u on creating a monster post *pixie princess & AB25840*
ACAsomeday
member
Sorry ladies, I had a very busy few days at work followed by an incredibly attached baby 
and I was unable to respond sooner.
Thanks for the advice 
A couple other things mentioned by a mom on my birth club board was routine and bedtime. Like I had said before, routine has been very difficult for us because of my work schedule (getting back at 11pm), paired with DH having some difficulty getting William to go to sleep. DH has been reluctant to settle into a bedtime routine. From what I can tell, this comes from his feelings of wanting be "allowed" his own parenting style, and his "go-with-the-flow" attitude toward most things in life. He's said things like: "I'm the Dad and I have my own way of parenting - we don't have to do everything the same way." and "I really think if we just go with the flow everything will be fine."
DH is very "go with the flow". That's one of the things that attracted me to marry him. Helps me stop and smell the roses, so to speak But as I told him last night: "We've been going with the flow, and he's still waking up every 2 hours or less most nights. And he still won't go to bed for you at least half the nights I'm gone. Maybe this is just the way its going to be, but wouldn't it at least be worth trying a routine?" That said, all our routine involves is getting him changed and reading him the same book before bed every night. 1-2x a week we precede that by a bath or shower with mommy. Really, not much to it DH doesn't like reading aloud - he sounds very awkward lol - he reads really fast and messes up words. His brain is too fast for his mouth. Of course I can't tell him to slow down, as I don't want to hurt his pride :P (tangent!) Also, he's wicked proud because LO tends to fall asleep well while watching Top Gear (a british car show). He likes to brag about it to all the guys and therefore, that is usually his "last resort" get the baby to sleep method. I don't like the TV thing, but it definitely works and at this point its just the lights and colors.
Last night, DH finally agreed to doing this simple routine and trying to slowly cut the bedtime back to 7:30. Of course, last night we failed miserably and he wasn't in bed until 10:30. I brought him out in the jogging stroller at 4 and he took a 2 hour nap during the jog, then he wasn't tired at bedtime! Not to mention he just had his 4 month shots yesterday and he was incredibly fussy and just wanted to be held by momma.
So, all that is to say that we're going to try a routine and an earlier bedtime. We accepted a long time ago that this may just be the way LO is - BF digests quickly and he's measuring in the 85th percentile for size all around so he also may have a higher need for food. DH's family is all like that - long, lean, and big eaters.
Sorry about all the extra information - hope someone finds it entertaining!
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Re: f/u on creating a monster post *pixie princess &amp; AB25840*
Sounds like it was probably the 4 month shots that interferred with the routine, the same thing happened to us at 4 months. I can see where your DH is coming from that he wants to do things his own way and it sounds like you both are compromising which is great! My DH doesnt really read to DD either (sometimes he will) and he doesnt know any nursery songs so he just makes up his own words and stories.. Maybe this would be something your DH could try?? This is what our routine looks like - We get home from work around 5:45 - 6, we try to fit play time/dinner between 6-7, then at 7 we do bath time, then by 7:30 either DH or I will rock her to sleep.. Its not a big routine but its enough that DD knows that after bath time its bed time and she goes down very quickly (we have been doing this since about 8 weeks). It will take time but sounds like your on the right path!!
Sounds to me like the nap messed things up. We couldn't let LO sleep past 3 if we wanted her to fall asleep at 7. She needed to be up for 4 hours - now it is 5 hours.
We never really had a big routine. If we did books she would just try to grab them and get more excited. We played the same music every night though, and that was her cue that it was bedtime.
If a routine works for you--great! If not, that is ok, too. Your baby is very young and if something doesn't work now, it may again in a few months. Or--of you think about trying again later, you may find that with time, you still don't find a routine the best choice.
Especially because you and DH MUST be equal coparents with your work arrangement (as is the case in our family), I suggest taking a team approach (not that you aren't). In all honesty, his approach--from the bit you shared--is more my style. But, only you two can decide the best strategy. Just for some encouragement, know that it is OK that baby doesn't go down easily with DH. They can and will work it out because that is a reality of your family life, just as it is for ours. The working it out (without you) may not be pretty, but it is a beautiful step for their bonding and for DH to remain in equal ownership of parenting. At 4-months, I am a fan of just going with the flow. But, obviously you are feeling a pull to something different, and that is ok.
I will say that we are not routine people--our lifestyle simply does not allow it (we both work FT at flexible jobs but have no paid childcare--albiet we have some free family help)--and LO thrives. Do note, as you've probably picked up about me, that I do not consider STTN thriving, but rather DS's demeanor and how well we--as a whole family-- are handling things. Even when he woke up every 2 hours from 7-12 mon, we were doing ok. Unless something is a problem for us I don't consider it a problem despite what other kids are doing or what other people think.
I don't in any way say that to contradict your current strategy, I just point it out because I know you are looking for different AP perspectives and not having a routine and simply going by baby's cues for an extended time is something that some AP families do that is generally unheard of in mainstream parenting (especially beyond 6-7 months).
For us, the cue-based approach and changing expectations are the things that help us thrive because where and when and with whom baby naps on Monday is not the case on Tuesday, etc. We are baby's lovey not a certain thing or place or way of doing things. But there is no "one size fits all", each family and baby is different. We take a VERY baby-led approach because it suits us, our lifestyle, and our child. But, that doesn't make it right or wrong for anyone but us.
Best of luck!
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