i am NOT a bad mother...

ifwisheswerefishes · April 2012

for wanting to circumsize my son, if we end up being team blue! that is my personal choice that DH agrees with me on. it is not only for our views on circumcision and health, but also on our religious beliefs.

being called an effing BAD MOTHER by someone who claims to be a friend because i would "rather put my precious child through pain" and "listen to him scream while they slice away his manhood" is beyond the realm of hurtful.

i am in a blur of emotion at the moment. DH and i have done our research, and we have agreed that this is the choice for us to make. and for F's sake, it's our child, our faith, and our way to parent!

I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER!

eunruh69 · April 2012

no you are not. we're going to circumcise as well, if it's a boy, and although I haven't gotten any negative feedback as of yet, my response will be "Piss on you! It's our child and our choice".

Holly_1007 · April 2012

personally, its no ones business weather the baby is circumsized. DH is circumsized, DS is circumsized and if this one is a boy he will be circumsized as well.

And fwiw if its done within 24 hours of being born, the nerve endings havent all connected yet and baby doesn't even feel it. DS didn't even cry.

you aren't a bad mother and my suggestion is to stop discussing these things with other people, their opinions don't matter and are only going to upset you.

MomiJerz · April 2012

No you are not, we will be circumcising as well.

DFWIndian · April 2012

You're not a bad mother. It's your choice and I'm sorry your friend said that. They do give sedatives to the baby before they just cut into him. My sister did this with her first, but not with the second, completely a personal choice. I can't stand people's judgement about things like this. If you can keep it to yourself and tell your "friends" to back off.

aaturnwald · April 2012

My first son was circumsized, as is my husband. And if this baby is a boy he will be too. Tell them to mind their own business, and next time someone asks just say you would rather not share.

redneckmomma25 · April 2012

If we have a boy he will be circumcised as well. There's pro's and con's to both options, but our preference is to have him circumcised.

skyejo · April 2012

I won't circumcise but I don't think you are a bad mother for choosing to do so. People who equate not doing things their way to being wrong blow my mind.

scarlette+noir · April 2012

I don't think you are a bad mom, and we are non-circumcising parents.

I equate the way your friend handled expressing her opinion to what some of the crazy anti-abortionists say about abortion. It's all based on shock value instead of actual fact.

ifwisheswerefishes · April 2012

holly71087:
personally, its no ones business weather the baby is circumsized. DH is circumsized, DS is circumsized and if this one is a boy he will be circumsized as well.

And fwiw if its done within 24 hours of being born, the nerve endings havent all connected yet and baby doesn't even feel it. DS didn't even cry.

you aren't a bad mother and my suggestion is to stop discussing these things with other people, their opinions don't matter and are only going to upset you.

this conversation was being had in the context of birth with other young and expectant mothers. so obviously, we were talking about things like breastfeeding, circumcision, diapering, co-sleeping, etc. one woman just exploded in shock and horror at me. everyone else was so stunned that we just sat and stared at her.

KellersPrag · April 2012

We won't be circumcising, but you are definitely not a bad mother for doing so! It's a highly personal decision which nobody has a right to weigh in on aside from you and your husband.

Tell your friend to f off. I don't understand people who think that things being different from what they want/do is not right. Ugh.

emasters · April 2012

I don't think you're a bad mother, either! I thought that usually if the father is circumcised, usually the sons will be. I haven't really discussed it with my hubby yet, but I am guessing he would be for circumcision. People and their opinions are really unwanted!! I agree with a PP and no matter what the topic, if people ask, tell them it's none of their business!

Salleybelle · April 2012

You are most certainly NOT bad mother for choosing to circumsize your son!!!! We found out on Friday that we ARE TEAM BLUE!!!! We made the decision that day that our little one would be circumsized.

hmp1 · April 2012

Not cool. I'm all about debating parenting techniques/beliefs but calling someone a f'ing bad mother for something that is perfectly acceptable (for either choice) is crazy. I'm sorry you had to listen to her. Now you know that she is not a friend worth having.

jbBeans · April 2012

Ugh. Discussing your reasoning behind some of the choices you're making is one thing (and even then, that can be annoying if not handled well), but saying you're a bad mother is just ridiculous!

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially in a setting that was supposed to be supportive!

damabo80 · April 2012

Bump burp

damabo80 · April 2012

Just say that you're doing it for "religious reasons".

Americans fall over themselves trying to be PC around religion. As soon as you utter those words, people can't shut up fast enough.

teacherjess · April 2012

I teach in the inner city. Trust me, it will take MUCH more than that to make you a bad parent, haha. We haven't even had the conversation yet but I am sure that we will. DH is circ'd, so I assume he'd want our baby to be, too. Actually, he probably doesn't care either way, but I am betting if I absolutely forced him to pick, he'd pick to have him circ'd.

mocha4040 · April 2012

First, you are not a bad mother for wanting to do something for your child...whether it is based on religious or health reasons! My son is, my husband is, this baby will be if a boy. If they do feel a little pain, they will not remember it.

Secondly, anyone who refers to a circumcision as having their "manhood sliced away" is not a very intelligent person and probably should have their opinion taken with the smallest grain of salt. Last I checked, my husband's manhood was completely intact. Wink

OSUWifey09 · April 2012

Can't believe someone would call you a bad mother for wanting a circumcision for your son. DS and H are, and our second DS will be as well. As someone else said, it'd take a lot more than that to be a bad mother. Your choice, not your friend's.

kellelle01 · April 2012

holly71087:

personally, its no ones business weather the baby is circumsized. DH is circumsized, DS is circumsized and if this one is a boy he will be circumsized as well.

And fwiw if its done within 24 hours of being born, the nerve endings havent all connected yet and baby doesn't even feel it. DS didn't even cry.

you aren't a bad mother and my suggestion is to stop discussing these things with other people, their opinions don't matter and are only going to upset you.

Completely agree.

ilovelife · April 2012

Wow...no one ever criticized me for circumsizing my son....but then again, we didn't tell anyone. Just don't tell people how you plan on feeding your child, diapering your child, circumsizing your son, etc.

Flamingemu · April 2012

You are not a bad mother for that. Thinking about and researching the topic makes you a good mother.

I have been to several bris' of our friends boys and all 3 of the boys whimpered at first, then settled down. They were all fine once they were back in their mothers arms. Though, the manachevitz could have had something to do with it. Stick out tongue

watercolor5 · April 2012

Yeah, I agree with everyone... I was pre-med for a while and shadowed a pediatrician, and saw a circumcision. Never in a million years did it strike me as inhumane- they used a sedative and they cut off blood flow to the area before performing the circumcision. Babies in the first week of life clot really quickly too. Baby was hardly phased, and it's not uncommon for them not to cry and to hardly bleed at all. It's totally personal choice of the parents whether or not to have it done, and I don't begrudge anyone the choice they make.

katieguth · April 2012

I say it's totally a personal choice. And no one else's business. We are having a boy and there isn't even a question in my mind. We will be getting baby boy a circumcision.

alice2Bcheshire · April 2012

You are not a bad mother for choosing to circumcise your son. You are making an educated, very personal decision that is right for you and your family.

FWIW, DS is intact. DH is circed. So to the PP who said she assumed if the father is circumcised, the son would be a well-- that's not always the case. We did just what the OP has done, made an informed decision, only we came down on the other side. Nothing wrong with either.

mknipping · April 2012

Yes to all PP's above. I work in childcare and see both ways. Even though there is no doubt that both of our boys will be circumcized, I would never think badly about someone who chose not too. There are many reasons why people choose to or choose not to. They are all valid. I am sorry you had to have someone throw that in your face. That is terrible. I am glad no one has asked me about this yet,lol.

ellasmommy001 · April 2012

I agree with pp! you are not a bad mommy! we plan to circumcize if its a boy! and even if we didnt choose to its your choice its your kid and your views!!! Broken Heart

esalyi · April 2012

Too many people get circumsized for it to be considered "cruel," so I would ignore her comment. If its a boy we will not be getting one simply because I don't see the point of it, its there naturally for a reason, so I don't get why it would be removed, but if other people do it, it is no big deal. DH isn't circ'd and he never had any health issues etc. so, he is fine with leaving our baby intact.

ginazdavis · April 2012

People let their child get shotws, which one can say inflicts pain on a child so it should not matter if they are circumsized or not. We will be doing it as well if we have a boy.

isacdimi10 · April 2012

I think your friend is riding the crazy train.

I don't care what people do with their son's penis.

DH is circ'd but DS isn't it was a choice we made together for personal reasons. One that received soooo much drama over at the hospital Confused

L8kissie · April 2012

You aren't a bad mother! This was a very, very, very common practice in our country with a majority of men going through it. We circumcised our ds, although we did it in the hospital instead of a real Bris (the cost was high, the tool was the same, and our families were willing to have it done in the hospital) and I don't regret it one bit. As a matter of fact, it didn't seem to bother him at all except for one time (which really upset my husband) when it got touched wrong while putting on the ointment while it was healing. Even that lasted all of a minute worth of crying and he was back to fine. As for slicing away his manhood, I'd like to point out that my husband is also circumcised and I'm very sure he's man. I'm sorry she was mean to you.

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