Sharing...

My mother sent me an email with these quotes about blended families.  They may not all apply, but some of them made me think about things my family deals with.  Just thought I'd share... 

?What you call yourselves and how people refer to you as a family greatly impacts your children, who are constantly trying to figure out where and how they fit into your modern family.? ~Kela Price

?Divorce can leave children feeling like defectors.? ~Diane Greene

?Divorce is war and unfortunately, some parents live in constant entanglements with their ex-spouses and they shift aside the issues that post-divorce can leave on the shoulders of their children.?  ~Diane Greene

?Divorce is a journey that the children involved do not ask to take. They are forced along for a ride where the results are dictated by the road their parents decide to travel.? ~Diane Greene

?Although stepfamilies rarely make as smooth transition as the Bradys, it is possible to successfully blend a family. It depends on how and when you start and what you put in the blender.? ~Kela Price

?Think of it as an important business project; you don?t always love the person that you?re working with, but you work together to get the project done. Co-parents need to adopt this same business model when co-parenting their children.? ~Kela Price

?There is this double standard by which we suspect stepmothers of being wicked and selfish, yet expect them to be utterly selfless and loving to kids who are not their own, kids who are often hostile and rejecting for many years in spite of a stepmother?s best efforts and intentions.? ~Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster

?I prefer the term ?wife? to ?current wife? or ?new wife.? It?s more accurate and less loaded, I think. There?s a wife and an ex-wife (or partner and ex-partner). Period.? ~Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster

?Stepmothers need to put their own adjustment and self-care first, rather than siphoning energy away from that to ?fix? something that you didn?t break yourself.? ~Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster

?Put your own happiness, your own mental health and your marriage or partnership first and without guilt.? ~Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster

?In my view, no one in this country should be able to practice family therapy without undertaking training and certification by a body such as the National Stepfamily Resource Center.? ~Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster

?We have created a blended family culture centered around only one perspective and clearly, it?s not working.? ~Kela Price

?It?s important for wives and ex-wives to realize that you don?t have to be the arch rival or the best friend with the each other. There is a middle ground and often times, that?s the safest position to be in.? ~Kela Price

"It sickens me to believe that long ago, the women before us were able to collaboratively strive for success in the arenas of political activism and social justice. When they told us we couldn?t vote, we banned together. We also banned together to demand our respect amongst our male counterparts in corporate America. Yet, when it comes to what should be most important to us, our families, we just can?t seem to work together, or just refrain from trying to tear each other completely apart.? ~Kela Price

?Dealing with a failed relationship is like grieving a life you once knew, but will never have again, and that?s hard to deal with.? ~Kela Price

?The control efforts are part of the battle that some divorced parents need to avoid, including the subtle ones. Subtle suggestions that we are upset, dissatisfied with, or angry at the other parent? such as huffing at the mention of their name, going silent in a conversation that includes mention of them, snide gestures or facial expressions, subtle sarcasm then quick insincere apology, or allowing kids to ?over hear? conversations between adults about the other parent with whom we are at odds are not overt badmouthing. They are far sneakier than that, but equally damaging.? ~Chaz,  Reader and Blogger,

?The role of best friend is truly an evolving relationship where two people choose to remain close because of the foundation of trust they have created. The current spouse/ex spouse relationship is not a choice, but it has been forced upon both parties with conflicting views and strong feelings of the person in the middle (ex husband/current husband).?  ~Jenny, reader

?Making sure the kids suffer the least amount of damage possible and that includes their stability in both households (chores and creating and/or maintaining relationships with all parents) truly takes ALL parents. It also decreases the children?s chances of using any ?divide and conquer? strategies against their parents. When parents present a unified front, that child has boundaries and more importantly, he or she realizes that EVERYONE is working together for their best interest.? ~Kela Price

?As I?ve learned firsthand, a divorce decree (or any court order) is only as good as the people who have to abide by it. Unfortunately, threatening to take someone ?back to court? isn?t much of a threat at all, and often ends up costing you more money (legal fees) and the judge simply telling the person to do what they are refusing to do in the first place with no other repercussions, but by then you?re months removed from the breach in the first place.? ~ Unheeded Prophetess, reader, attorney and blogger

?Divorce is hard. It?s difficult to close a chapter in a book that you thought you?d be writing forever, but it can be just as exciting and rewarding to write a whole new book.? ~Kela Price

?Check your emotional baggage before you board the plane [blended family]. This is not Southwest Airlines so you can check more than one bag. Now just because you can?t bring it on the plane doesn?t mean that you can?t or shouldn?t deal with it. You just have to deal with it in a way that doesn?t affect everyone else on the plane.? ~Kela Price

?After expectations comes acceptance.? ~Kela Price

?Life is too short not to live in peace.? ~Diane Greene

"The root cause of people pleasing is fear of rejection, and this fear can create a very damaging pattern of behavior in our lives. Setting healthy boundaries is learning when to say NO. Self-care, even for the stepmother, is not a wicked thing.? ~Kela Price

?It?s so important to offer good advice to stepmothers if we are ever to truly help stepfamilies flourish.? ~Kela Price

?Stepmothers, I urge you to take your power back. Your husband?s divorce was not your fault and it isn?t your responsibility to fix. You can be understanding and supportive without being everyone?s punching bag.? ~Kela Price

?Part of knowing ourselves is also being able to accept who we are and to value ourselves regardless of our flaws. Accepting who we are allows us to value our worth without conditions or reservations.? ~Diane Greene

?I do not like the title of counselor. I?d much rather be viewed as a friend who is willing to be an open book regarding her journey so that you can learn while on yours.? ~Kela Price

?The most important thing a remarried couple can do is intently listen and try to understand their spouse?s perception of reality.? ~Kela Price

?Don?t Stew! Good rarely comes of dwelling on problems.? ~Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness

?Fathers must be supported and encouraged in the family instead of being in continuous opposition with the mother and/or the legal system.? ~Kela Price

?Having a controlling, angry ex-spouse can make co-parenting seem like an extreme sport.? ~Kela Price

?Don?t blame yourself. Ending a marriage because your spouse comes out of the closet is one instance where you cannot be held at fault. Take whatever comfort you can in that.? ~Carol Schwanda, reader and blogger

?Blended families don?t fail, remarriages do.? ~Kela Price

?One of the most beneficial results of self-care is an increased ability to love others which allows us to care for ourselves more gently and completely.? ~Sue Patton Thoele, author of The Courage to be a Stepmom

?Children live what they learn.? ~Diane Greene

?Don?t marry someone who you can?t see yourself being divorced from.? ~Kela Price

?Mediation is no place to deal with hurt feelings. The purpose of the legal system, including the mediation process, is to provide resolution to true legal disputes, not to avenge wrongdoing, seek validation, or keep the other party in a person?s life (as dysfunctional as that involvement is).? ~Unheeded Prophetess, blogger, reader and attorney

?Is it more important and beneficial to show your kids what a healthy marriage or divorce looks like?? ~Kela Price

?In a society where 50% of first marriages and 67% of second marriages end in divorce, more time needs to be spent on nurturing our marriages as opposed to nurturing our divorces.? ~Kela Price

?To me, the difference between a good marriage and a great marriage is conviction.? ~Diane Greene

?The key to effective co-parenting is establishing realistic expectations and healthy boundaries, and to go slow and allow the relationships to organically evolve instead of forcing the issue of everyone being one big happy family.? ~Kela Price

?Creating traditions in the blended family promote unity and a sense of belonging.? ~Diane Greene

?Often times the adults want to use the children as excuses for pushing their way in, due to their own hidden agendas. Please be realistic and honest about your own agendas that have absolutely nothing to do with the child. You know that the child never benefits from having his whole family together, if they are constantly at each others? throats.? ~Kela Price

?There is simply nothing like a fellow journeyer who has or is traveling the same road. All the kings horses and all the kings men could not help the compulsive behavior of alcoholics, yet when 2 drunks got together and began helping one another back in 1935, AA was born and spread throughout the world.? ~Chaz, reader and blogger