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LGBT Parenting
ctbride08
member
PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
ctbride08
member
How's it going this week? Highlight? Lowlight?
QOTD: How are you and your child's other parent as a parenting team? What works? What doesn't? How does the reality of your co-parenting compare to what you expected?
For those not yet parenting, how do you anticipate it to be?
(and yes, I think i asked a similar question a while back but I like to check in and see how the answers evolve over time - goodness knows, for us its a constant work in progress 
)
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
This discussion has been closed.
Re: PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
The kids are in camp this week which has been nice - no homework to rush home to complete, they can't be there till 8am so no alarm to set (kids are up by 6:30 on their own), and they are so exhausted from running, playing, swimming, climbing that they are passed out before 8pm each night.
L is a bit less structured and more 'go with the flow' where as I map out an entire day/evening in my head with what time I want the kids to be in bed and work backwards with what needs to be done/I want to get done before that. But our times aren't typically drastically off (ie. I want them in bed at 8 and she has them ready at 8:30 - not a huge deal.)
Despite all of the issues that we've had/have, parenting is one thing that I think we really do well together. We have fairly similar philosophies/parenting styles and generally are on the same page when it comes to the kids.
All is well here this week. A is back at school after 2 weeks of spring break, she loves school. Iz is behaving pretty well, still catching her in lies but overall doing better. Owl has been refusing food at home but has no problem eating when we go out, she has started folding her arms across her chest when she is mad and ignoring us to no end, frustrating but good progress. Apple is great, getting very big and still not letting me sleep at night.
QOTD: J and I are so different in our parenting that as a team we can sometimes be wreck BUT we usually work with each other to make things run smoothly. I am the 100% of the time parent so the kids pretty much ignore me and dont care when I discipline them now but when J comes home and decides someone needs to be disciplined, the kids listen. She usually doesn't acknowledge my complaints about bad behavior during the day but when she experiences it first hand she complains like it's not the norm that I deal with. I am basically a single parent most of the time but it works for us.
This isn't how I expected to be as parents with J but I can't complain too much.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
YES! When L is off writing so doesn't get to experience the (sometimes) horrid behaviors and then when she is home and sees it, she acts like it is all new and frustrating. *makes me want to slam my head against the wall!*
How's it going this week?
Highlight: It is good to be back home. C tells me that the Kiddos are so much happier when we are both together. I have seen this also, but it is nice to have it verified. The Kiddos are sprouting like weeds and don't look like babies anymore!
Lowlight: I am curious to find out how Ella reacts to her allergy medicine. The Kiddos have had night coughs, runny noses, and congestion for at least 3 weeks. They both have had ear infections, and I recently read that allergies can cause ear infections. The doctors have yet to diagnose "allergies." Maybe the Kiddos didn't have pink eye, maybe it was allergies.
QOTD: How are you and your child's other parent as a parenting team? It varies, at times we work really well together, but there are times that we totally disagree. I am more harsh than C is; I am a barker (or as C says, I yell); and I have no hesitation in letting the Kiddos know that Mama is MAD. C is calmer and has a tendency to talk and explain. Let's just say that I am old school.
How does the reality of your co-parenting compare to what you expected? I don't think that C expected me quick to dish out consequences and I don't think that I expected C to be as (in my opinion) lax. I think that C and I have to figure out a balance.
All this said, I think the Kiddos are doing okay. They laugh now when I bark...as if they are saying, "silly Mama." And they turn their heads when C is trying to talk to them. They rule the house. The only differences, they lay still when I change their diapers or put them to bed (they squirm and play with C) and they love to help C with projects and have a greater attention span with her.
Highlight: Getting confirmation that I really did choose the right sitter for Ky. The first day back after vacation was rough but after that no problems. SHe is great with Ky and I love how much they do and her getting to be with other children her own age.
Lowlight: Baby crying inconsolibly yesterday evening on and off every hour for no reason....
QOTD: We are very different. Ann is more strict but also more fun. She says I let Ky do whatever she wants but I just do not impose as strict of rules as she does. This is a constant source of bickering in our relationship. I really have no idea how to fix it. On the flip side she allows Ky more freedom to do things that I see as potentially dangerous and would never let her do. *sigh*
waiting waiting waiting. I went in for a blood draw yesterday and then did my hCG booster last night. nothing else to do but wait. I can officially test on Friday the 13th.
my boy is getting bigger and less like a baby, he's talking a LOT more and tells me all about his books when we're reading them at bedtime. I'll often hear him on the monitor "reading" his stories to himself after we tuck him in (he insists on having at least 3 books in the bed with him at all times). there's still a lot that we don't understand, but it's coming.
QOTD: I think we work together pretty well. she's calm where I'm tense and vice versa. I guess the biggest thing is that she's more lax about a lot of things than I thought she would be, especially given her upbringing and her opinions on a lot of parenting things. like, to the point where it's sometimes frustrating to me.
Highlight? - I can't think of one high moment - it's been a good week. I will say though that I love that DD is finally crawling into her toddler bed by herself and staying there without fighting me for hours. That has been a huge breakthrough.
Lowlight? - This isn't a real low moment but teasingly it was. So this was the conversation between DD and me:
Me - I love you.
DD - Nooooo (with a smile)
Me - Well who loves you then?
DD - Mama (said while pointing away, which means other mama aka K)
Me - Who do you love?
DD - Mama (again, talking about K, not me).
Break my heart little one! Ugh!
QOTD: How are you and your child's other parent as a parenting team? lol! Team? We're still working on that one! Really though, we have a good system and by good I mean that I do 99% of the work. It works for me but I know it will change as soon as the dissertation and defense is done.
What works?Putting me in charge
What works is when I am direct with K in what DD or I need. I've learned that I can't assume she knows the next five steps that need to be done before leaving the house. I have to explicitly spell them out. This works.
What doesn't? Me doing everything. Okay, I know I just said that me being in charge is great but it can also lead to the biggest downfall. I have to remind myself that I can ask for (and demand) help when I need it.
How does the reality of your co-parenting compare to what you expected? Yes. I always expected I would be responsible for most of the parenting. But I didn't expect for K to have such hard and fast rules on a few things. And while I know she isn't known for her patience I did expect her to have a bit more.
Things are pretty status quo for us. E's reading is really taking off and it's such an exciting thing to witness as a parent. Highlight: E seeking me out for extra hugs and kisses in the early morning while I'm getting ready for work. Lowlight: I got upset with E over something silly this morning. I'm tired and I have to remember when I'm tired to have more patience. I was quick to apologize and give her lots of loving and by the time we got to school she was happily hopping out of the car and gave me kisses before I left. Phew!
QOTD: I think E's dad and I are on the same page about most things in parenting and for that I feel very lucky. We have similar attitudes about discipline, not spoiling her, teaching her to be respectful and appreciative, etc. For me the biggest thing I think we differ on is the importance of a fairly typical bedtime. Of course there are days when we are out and E is up late, but I never allow that to happen the entire weekend I have her. I feel like I'm always battling to help her catch up on sleep after she's spent a weekend at his place. But then I think if that's the biggest of my worries right now in terms of our parenting styles, well, I'll take it.
I am looking forward to seeing how things develop between my girlfriend and E. K is a very girly girl and so is E, so I can see them having a bond over those sort of things that I won't have with E. K and I had dinner with a good friend and his partner last week and they talked about what it's like to be the one with kids (my friend) and the partner entering the picture and how to try to balance that as the bio parent vs. step-parent. They talked a lot about how important it is to always be on the same page. I think it was good for both K and I to talk with a couple that have been together for 13 years now (since the kids were 3 and 7) who have found a way to make it work.
Highlight: Follicle growth!! I
7.5mg of Femara.
Lowlight: Nothing in particular, just life dragging and feeling that our whole lives revolve around the RE/my dysfunctional ovaries.
Parenting: Well, we're still not parenting sadly, so my answer continues to be speculation. But all of your answers give me a lot to think about and alot to be nervous about.
DW is likely to be stricter than me, and has more of a temper than me. I have a lot of patience for stupidity and don't snap easily (employed in social work this is essential!). But DW has a tendency to take on big projects with gusto, and she feels very passionately about some aspects of parenting I agree with too, so I think it will work. We both like to be in control though, so that could be a challenge.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
I'm just back from registering RB for preschool! I cant even believe it. I think she's going to love it
All things are pretty status quo otherwise. I think the girls are ready to move out of their cribs...now I just have to convince DW 
QOTD: We work well together about 80% of the time. From the outside, we have very similar parenting styles. We match on all the big things but our differences, and difficulties, are in the nuances. A lot of it is me being picky, but frankly, the raising of my kids is the most important thing in the world to me and I'm going to be damn picky about it - they deserve the high standards. I will say, though, that the balance is nice. I'm more "in charge" of the big decisions (mostly because DW trusts and agrees with my judgement and isn't into research) but when it comes to the actual day-to-day parenting, we are 50/50.
As far as expectations vs reality: I expected our coparenting to come easier and more naturally since we've worked together with kids for so long. I also expected her to have more patience and flexibility than she does based on our previous work.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
QOTD:
Jen will be good at consistency. I'll work hard to follow her lead on that.
I'll be good at creative things - thinking of activities for the kids and things we can do/explore. She will be happy to go along with that.
We will both struggle to bring forward the best of our VERY DIFFERENT upbringings, and to make each other see why it was valuable. I had a lot of freedom and she had very little, and we both think we turned out OK, so it will be "interesting" to find that balance.
Highlight: James pointing to every letter in the Planters container of cashews and identifying them all correctly (except for N - he can't differentiate between N and M). We have alphabet cards but never tried to teach him. I guess we have one more reason to love our nanny! Also, we finally figured out the kitchen!
Lowlight: K and I have seen better days in our relationship, and while I know we'll get back into our groove, this patch is rough. We're both really stressed out about our work and the move, and we have very little time together. Not a good combination.
QOTD: Parenting is an area where we mostly agree. It's also the only area of our relationship that's pretty equally shared in terms of responsibility, at least currently (as ctbride said, it's an evolving situation and a constant work-in-progress). K makes J's food most of the time, and I always feed him. She is his "bath" mom, and I always put him to bed. I do the morning routine because she's gone by the time he wakes up, but she has more time with him during the day a couple of times a week because her schedule is more flexible. And so it goes.
TTC: As expected, another BFN for me. As I said to the wife, it's kind of like our Mega Millions tickets -- you know your odds suck, but it would be nice to be surprised.
Had a conversation with the RE about donors, motility, and Clomid. For now our decision is: take April off, find a new donor, and try a couple of unmedicated cycles with the new sperm. If those don't work -- I'm ready for the drugs.
QOTD: My wife is a cat-spoiler -- she will open the window in 50-degree weather because the cat wants to sit in the window, even though the cat will only sit there for about 45 seconds, then leave, and we will be cold. I'm the one who says, "It won't kill the cat if she doesn't get to sit in the window. In 2 months it will be warm and the cat can sit in the window all day long." It's not hard to see where this can go with kids! Fun mommy/mean mommy, anyone?
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*