- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
June 2012 Moms
Parent issues (Vent..kinda long)
So I've had problems with my MIL for the longest time. She is just very controlling and tries to manipulate me and my DH. She will come and tell me he said something that he didn't and then when he confronts her about it she plays stupid like that never happened and makes it look like I'm lying. He sees what she's doing and how she is but he still is such a "mama's boy". Our latest issue is that I have my registry all done and we've picked out the bedding set that we want. She stopped over a few weeks ago while I was looking at paint colors so I decided to show her what I had so far. I had went and bought a set of sheets from the set so that we could use it to pick paint colors and she saw that we already had the sheets and everything. Well 2 days later she calls me and says that her and her sister were going to buy us a bedding set. I was really excited and told her how much we appreciate it; but come to find out she picked out a completely different bedding set from a completely different store. I was furious. I told DH and he didn't say much about it. We had already picked out the paint and were just about to buy it and paint that weekend. Then I was looking at the set she picked out online and I don't mind it but I like mine much better. There were some other issues with the set not coming with other things that I had wanted and had told DH that I'd still rather have the original one we picked out and said we should talk to her and ask if she'd just buy us the set that we wanted instead (the price between the 2 was almost the same so that wouldn't be an issue). She still decided to wanted to buy the other one. Then I asked if she would at least just let us see the sheets in person so we could go get paint and she said no that she wan't going to buy the set until the baby got here. I freaked out and said no I wanted to have the nursery done by now and I"m not painting and putting the nursery together after he's already here. So now she's being controlling saying she'll just go pick out the paint and come paint his room how she thinks it should be to match the set. I'm so beyond mad and was telling my mom about it. I never took the other set off the registry because I just forgot about it. So my mom went and bought us the whole set and everything we needed for it for our gift and said we could see it to paint then she'd give it to me at my baby shower in 2 weeks. I told DH and now he's upset that my mom had bought us the other set. I think that it should be our choice to pick what we want and be able to paint it ourselves if we want. What do you ladies think? Am I overreacting and should have let his mom just buy the other set or do you think it's okay that my mom decided to buy us a gift of what we wanted?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Parent issues (Vent..kinda long)
I would just stick with your original bedding and paint plan. Thank her for the bedding set she picked out, and use it for a back up.
I wouldn't make a big fight over it and stress out. She knows that you wanted the other set and you wanted it early, but she doesn't want to do that.
Have fun!
You are not over reacting at all! It is your baby, your home and you should be able to choose what you want for your LO nursery. My MIL tends to like to control things as well and at times I have to just put my foot down and say, "Thank you, but NO!" As long as she wants to pay, she is going to feel like she has a say.
. Instead, I would ask your mom to take it back and see if you get the bedding at your shower in two weeks. If not, purchase it yourself so that you MIL doesn't purchase her bedding. If she gets upset, just tell her you really prefer the bedding YOU picked out. Hope that helps, I know it's frusterating.
I think the mistake was sharing this with your mom. Your DH may feel that your mom is the "hero" and his mom is the "bad guy." I too have to be very careful about details I share with my mom, because our moms are going to want to "fix" things for their babies (us)
Well both your mom & MIL can buy whatever they want to give you as a gift. It would have been nice for your MIL to get you what you wanted but clearly she had her own plan.
I would go with your original nursery plan and buy the paint you want to buy. Use the bedding your mom got you since it's the set you love. You could always use the stuff MIL gets you when you have to change the sheets. But I wouldn't change your nursery plan over it.
I also don't understand why your DH got upset over your mom buying the set you wanted. I think ending up with two sets is nbd. We registered for a bedding set but also lots of other different sheets that didn't necessarily "match". I think you'll get good use of of everything.
I would stick to your original set. You should not change your colors or set because she feels like you should.
Hopefully she gives you the receipt to this other set so you can return it!
2012: Running & Race Accomplishments:
2-12-12: Riverview Winter Fest 4 mile, 34:59 8:45 pace - 23 weeks pregnant
2-29-12: Leap Year 4 mile, 36:45 9:11 pace - 25.5 weeks pregnant
3-11-12: Corktown 5K, 28:33 9:13 pace - 27 weeks pregnant
3-25-12: Rock CF Island Half Marathon, 2:11:03 10:00 pace - 29 weeks pregnant
4-16-12 Boston Marathon, deferring to 2013
8-11-12: Run thru Hell 10 mile or 4.8 mile
9-30-12: Brooksie Way Half Marathon
10-21-12: Grand Rapids Marathon
11-22-12: Detroit Turkey Trot 10K
Does your DH know you talked to your mom about the MIL buying diferent bedding? If not how can he be mad that someone bought something off your REGISTRY? And even if he does know, I would put it like this "she knows how much I liked the bedding WE picked out and how it would take a lot of stree off of me to be able to paint and get the bursery complete before the baby arrives, so she decided to buy it so we could move along with our plans.
As for the set your MIL bought, I would return it. She knows you had a set in mind that you really wanted and since her reason for not purchasing the bedding you have on your registry is not a matter of cost, makes me wonder her intentions...just to control one more thing or just to be a pain? Return it and use the money for something else. And if she asks why then just tell her, you didn't think it was practical to have 2 sets of different bedding for the nursery and since someone bought the one off your registry, you kept THAT one not hers. Oh well. If people buy what is not on your registry (while I think it is silly not to if you have a broad range of items in every price range) then they run the risk that you won't want/need it (or in your case get a similar item) and their gift will be returned!
I just wouldn't want to keep bedding I wasn't in love with just to keep the peace. And with all the expenses of a new baby and all the things you need to buy I also wouldn't want to keep it just to spare her feelings when the money could be used for something practical that you still need.
Good luck!
You picked out a set. Your mom has gifted you that set. If MIL insists on gifting you something else, she shouldn't be shocked you don't use it. It's your home, and your baby, not hers. Just because she buys it, does not mean you are forced to use it.
I would thank her for the gift and let that be the end. Return it, or let it sit.
I would keep the set your mom bought you and either return your MIL's or keep it as a back up. I absolutely would not change your whole nursery decorations just to suit her needs. You are the one that has to live with it so why go with something that you don't like.
I am kinda in the same boat so I know how you feel. My DH and me decided that we wanted to go with a classic Winnie the Pooh theme because it's cute and gender neutral, team green, but my one friend who is a Disney nut keeps showing me things that she wants to get me that aren't on my registry. She doesn't seem to see the problem because in her eyes it's still Winnie the Pooh but it's completely different from what I want and have registered for. What get's me the most is she know how much effort I put into the registry. She did the same thing for our wedding and I ignored it then. Now wishing I set some boundaries back then. I just keep telling her stuff is nice but I like what I picked out better. We'll see what I get at the shower.
This chick sounds like a fruit loop. Just paint the room with the color you wanted and use the bedding set your mom bought. If mil insists on giving you the other bedding set just toss it in the closet or return it. I have no patience for people who think they can manipulate their way into my decisions.
TTC #1 since 5/10
BFP #1 7/22/11 - EDD 4/2/11 - M/C 8/15/11 (7w0d)
BFP #2 9/23/11 - EDD 6/5/12 ♥It's a Girl♥
BFP #3 2/20/13 - EDD 11/2/13 ♥It's a Girl♥
I don't understand why your DH is upset that your mom bought you the set that you actually picked out vs the one his mom wanted. That's kinda wrong to me! I mean, she refused to buy the one you had your heart set on and someone else bought it instead, and now she's whining about not having a say in what your baby's room looks like? That's so childish! You shouldn't second guess your choice just because MIL doesn't like it. It's not her place and it seems like she needs to grow up.
I wouldn't have let her buy the other set, and she shouldn't assume she even gets a say in how the room looks, so I think you're not overreacting at all! Your DH needs to be supportive of you over MIL. Period. You are the mother of his child. It's not even a matter of choosing your mom over his....she just happened to give you the one you wanted instead of insisting on going with her choice.
My MIL knows better than to try and control me (it will not go over well).
If I were you this is what I would do (I admit it is a little bitchy, but it might help with those apron strings your MIL has snagged into your hubby):
-I would paint the room based on the set your mom bought and you picked out.
-Get the room set up as much as possible.
-Take a picture and send it to all the grandparents as a "look what we did and oh how cute".
Then she has the option of getting you something else off youregistry since she wasn't planning on giving it to you until LO arrived anyway, so she has time to do that. And if she does give it to you you can keep it as a back up or return it (use a bar code scanner on smartphone and it should give you a store to return it to even if it is jsut store credit) or sell it to Once upon a child.
Honsetly with the way she is behaving I would stick it to her. Your kid, your house, your life, your way!
Good Luck!
Wow, there's a whole lotta rude going on there.
First of all, if someone buys you a gift, you should be gracious about it even if it's not what you want or need. Your registry is a wish-list, not a rule book for items that MUST be bought for you because you're having a baby.
If you need a specific item by a specific date, you may just have to purchase it yourself and not demand that others give you gifts according to your schedule.
That being said, I would be pissed if my MIL tried to paint the nursery the color she wanted. That's overstepping the line by a whole lot. And it does sound like some of her intentions on what gift and when she'll give it are just to spite you.
But, if you're getting the set you want anyhow, paint the nursery the color you want and either return the other bedding set or keep it as a back up.
Yay for your mom!! That sounds like something my mother would do to help me with my difficult MIL. While it is very nice for someone to give you a gift and they should feel free to pick out baby clothes they like, picking out a bedding set they like instead of the one you registered for is ridiculous. Stand up for yourself and nip this in the butt now, or it will get worse when baby gets here. You are totally not in the wrong here. MIL was being diffcult and controlling. Your DH needs to remember this is your baby, not her baby, and help set boundries with MIL. And while help is appreciated, it should be what you want, not what she wants. I just can't believe she was trying to dictate the schedule for your nursery!
There is a lot of talk about gift giving on this site and the attitude is always "be grateful that someone wanted to buy you something, no one needs to buy you anything, don't be a brat..." and in some cases that may be true.
This is not one of those cases.
MIL as an motive here. And it isn't to give you a generous gift. She is essentially "peeing" on your nursery, your DH, and your baby. You know, marking territory.
I would paint your nursery, set it up, show it to MIL, be excited. If she gets upset, say that setting up the nursery and planning the colors is something that you have been excited about forever. If she has already bought your the other set, take it back or give it back.