Handling visitors?

joyfullyfound · April 2012

Hi!

So, DD is 3 weeks old now and we've really gotten into the swing of things... But I still HATE visitors - even family!

I feel really comfortable taking her out of the house, to appointments, or whatever, because I can still feed her and put her to sleep whenever I need to. Having people come over is totally different... there's an expectation that they'll get to hold the baby, and snuggle the baby and that the baby will be perfectly content and adorable for as long as they hang around. I'm really not a fan... There's such a short window when DD is awake and not needing to eat! People ask when they can come over and I have NO idea what to tell them because she's not even close to being on a schedule! My mom came over the other day and DD was sleeping for 1 1/2 hrs, then woke up and was screaming to eat... so my mom had to leave before getting any quality time... but what am I supposed to do??

I know I shouldn't worry about it and just tell people to leave us alone, but I really DO want her family to get to know her better.......

So, thoughts? How are you all handling the visitor situation?

lizzymo19 · April 2012

I just tell people to come by whenever works for them. It's a crapshoot so I don't feel bad if it doesn't go well. One friend stopped by right after my dog escaped, so during her visit we took a walk around the neighborhood looking for him. Another friend came by and DS needed to be fed twice - and it was a guy friend so I basically had to hole up in the nursery for an hour of his visit. Babies are unpredictable, even if you are on a schedule. Another friend stopped by unannounced and DS was perfect the whole time. Since I'm not working I feel like I'm not really on much of a schedule either, and I guess I'm just not worrying about it

lizzymo19 · April 2012

I will add that I do try to feed and change DS as close to before a visitor is supposed to arrive. So far I've done it every time and there are different results...

kellymarie68 · April 2012

I agree with PP... I just tell people to come by whenever works for them. DD is starting to be awake more during the day so it's tending to work out better but it's just so hard to figure out the best time at this age! You can never tell what they are going to do. I wouldn't stress yourself out about it. Part of getting to know the baby is understanding how unpredictable they are!

Alliebooberz · April 2012

Omg. I could have written this post word for word. I have no idea how to handle it and I hate visitors AND family gatherings.

McGibbon51311 · April 2012

I feel exactly the same way! I'm not a huge fan of other people holding the boys.. I don't mind the occasional hug but I hate when people think they can hold them for hours at a time, and especially when they use non-stop baby talk. DH and I can hold the babies as much as we want and they'll go down to sleep no problem but the last time my parents visited and they were held almost the entire time they didn't sleep at all that night. My parents' response is that they'll hold them until the babies sleep, and that you're supposed to hold babies.

I'm sorry I don't really have an answer for you as I'm in the same situation. We've told everyone to call before coming and that people can come over after they've eaten as long as they know that they'll be falling asleep soon and aren't to be held once they're asleep. I think that if people really want to "see" (I put in " " because see almost always means hold to people) babies, it doesn't matter if they're sleeping or awake. It's caused fights in my family when I've told them the babies aren't to be held but I'm the mom, I know what's best for them and I just have to remind myself of that.

med380 · April 2012

I just tell them to come by whenever works for them, as long as they give me an estimate of what time that will be. If it happens to work out, I will feed DD before they get there. If it doesn't work out and she needs to eat while we have visitors, I'll just get out the nursing cover and nurse her. I think most people do understand that newborns usually don't have a routine at this point. And sometimes she is awake and sometimes she is asleep when people come over.

We have had a couple unannounced visitors, which I do not appreciate. Although I appreciate everyone wanting to stop by, I will be glad when the visitors slow down a little...

MelBell829 · April 2012

I'm working on growing more of a spine when it comes to speaking up to visitors. I don't mind if people hold them, but I do a few visitors that overstay their welcome and hold LO the entire time. The other day they were here for 3 hours. I told them that I had to feed her at xxx time and at that time, even after I reminded them, they were disappointed that they had to give her up. Those kind of guests really get on my nerves.

My aunt is coming today and she's a baby "know it all", so I'm not really looking forward to the visit. She means well, it's just that I always feel like I'm getting a lecture on how to raise my baby when she talks to me. Oh well.

I know this isn't really an answer, but sometimes it helps to commiserate!

And FWIW - I hate baby talk, too, McGibbon!

countrygrl5533 · April 2012

med380:
I just tell them to come by whenever works for them, as long as they give me an estimate of what time that will be. If it happens to work out, I will feed DD before they get there. If it doesn't work out and she needs to eat while we have visitors, I'll just get out the nursing cover and nurse her. I think most people do understand that newborns usually don't have a routine at this point. And sometimes she is awake and sometimes she is asleep when people come over.

We have had a couple unannounced visitors, which I do not appreciate. Although I appreciate everyone wanting to stop by, I will be glad when the visitors slow down a little...

Basically this. We have gone to visit people a couple times since DH's grandmother is in a nursing home almost 2 hours away. I had to excuse myself and DD 3 times to feed her. They just had to deal with their schedule being different because of it.

My IL's are terrible at just taking DD from me then holding her forever and doing the stupid baby talk thing. I talk to my child in a mostly normal voice, never baby talk. So that annoys me too.

We don't have unannounced visitors since we live in the middle of nowhere. I do tell people to call well in advance and be prepared if we have to say no. We had to cancel with friends last week due to me having a terrible day and DH needing to run errands after work for me. They understood. If they didn't, their problem not mine. I find the only people that truly don't "get it" are the ones that don't have children and have little experience with babies. My future SIL is great but she works with school age and used to work with toddlers. No understanding of newborns.

Mrs_MBed · April 2012

lizzymo19:
I just tell people to come by whenever works for them. It's a crapshoot so I don't feel bad if it doesn't go well.

we've had the same experiences. If anyone says anything just remind them that your LO is a newborn who is still adjusting to life on the outside

Sparks in training! · April 2012

I had an open house/meet the baby get together. I emailed all our close friends neighbors etc and gave a 2hour window to pop in. I had cupcakes and mamossa's.

That way everyone got the chance to pop in and feel welcome without totally invading my space. I didnt want a lot of visitors either. I really just want my down time with baby before I go back to work.

Wipz · April 2012

Our lil man is 3 weeks old today and we haven't had a single visitor at our apt ... it's awesome lol. We have taken him out a few times to meet friends and family and we take him out to the park and shopping... everyone got told we'll come to you if and when we feel up for it since we never know when we'll feel like socialising.

It's worked out great for us and we've only had a few subtle hints about the " he's grown so much since the last time we saw him" when I post pics on facebook for everyone. Since none of my family have even met him except in pics and video yet (being as they all live in the UK or Australia).. no one else can really complain Yes

L0L0 · April 2012

I like having day-time visitors and I have no qualms about nursing (with a cover) in front of whoever is visiting. I only got super annoyed at my MIL because she always hesitates to give the baby back to me when I ask (typically, when she starts crying from hunger), and my MIL starts speculating that it's for all these other reasons. Also my MIL constantly calls the baby "princess," which really bugs me, and she always encourages me to put the baby down so she can "get used to her bed" or "have room to stretch." All my clueless friends who barely know how to hold a baby while seated and covered with pillows are much preferable visitors! As a bonus, they don't spend the night and critique my housekeeping!

GoldenGibson · April 2012

med380:
I just tell them to come by whenever works for them, as long as they give me an estimate of what time that will be. If it happens to work out, I will feed DD before they get there. If it doesn't work out and she needs to eat while we have visitors, I'll just get out the nursing cover and nurse her. I think most people do understand that newborns usually don't have a routine at this point. And sometimes she is awake and sometimes she is asleep when people come over.

We have had a couple unannounced visitors, which I do not appreciate. Although I appreciate everyone wanting to stop by, I will be glad when the visitors slow down a little...

This is pretty much how we do it too. Depending in who it is, I usually leave the room to BF DS though. We have had a number of unannounced visitors though beginning as early as the day after his birth in the hospital which was SUPER annoying and now with people just stopping by and walking in at any time. I guess people assume I'll be home with the baby 24/7 so it doesn't matter when they stop by. I can't wait until visitors slow down!

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