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June 2012 Moms
I need to vent about sisters - NBR
Sorry ladies - I think the pregnancy hormones might be in overdrive and I need to vent.
I grew up with 4 older half sisters (we share the same dad) and for the most part we were close (or so I thought). As I got older, I drifted apart from my sisters and I was OK with this. A few of my sisters moved crossed the country and we really didn't keep in contact (not for lack of trying on my part, but just family dynamics we lost touch). In some cases it's been upwards of 5 years since I have had any contact (spoken, written, seen, exchanged pictures with, etc). Of the four, I'm friends with one on FB - but she limited as to what she can see and stuff (just don't trust her 100%).
Come to find out in the last few weeks, my parents have been told interesting stories about myself and my husband from my sisters. Yes it has me riled up,but my thought is that I don't need the negativity around me, so it does no good to confront them (that would mean that I would need to know how to contact them). My parents are starting to laugh at how ridiculous some of the stories are and are having a good laugh about it all.
Am I a bad person that even with my little one on the way, of not really having my sisters and their children involved with our lives? I almost don't want a baby shower since I have a feeling that one of my sisters will turn it into "Meet Her baby" that was just born a few months ago and I don't want my shower to go down like that. At this time I joke with my parents that I feel like I am an only child and I am enjoying this experience.
Sorry this vent is so long, but they really stirred me up today and I'm trying to calm down. Thanks for reading this and sticking with it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need to vent about sisters - NBR
I think you're handling this pretty well. Just because you have a blood relationship with someone, doesn't mean you have to have a real relationship. If there's no relationship between you and your sisters, then it doesn't make sense to force one for your LO's sake. Babies don't need Aunts and Uncles....they need love, from where ever it comes.
I think we were separated at birth! First I don't think there is anything wrong with how you are handling things. If you don't trust them - then you don't trust them. You trust your gut! Thank goodness your parents (especially your dad) knows these are ridiculous stories and are just laughing them off.
Me and my "sister" are in a similar situation. Same father, different mothers. My sister has a decade on me and boy does she use it. She too, lives across the country, we haven't spoken since my wedding almost four years ago. She blames me for ruining her parent's marriage (her mother ruined it by becoming a heroin addict and I was born many years after their divorce). At this point with all that she's done to me and my mother, I do not want my LO subjected to that. He will know of her, but never met her. I have told my mom - that she sees shows up to my secret (it's suppose to be a surprise but my mom spilled the beans) baby shower that I will walk out.
She has tried so many times in so many ways to get me to talk to her and I just can't do it. Now she's using the well our children will be the only ones left on the (my maiden name)'s side. MASSIVE EYE ROLL! She's told my father's mother and brother so many awful things about me and sad part is they believe it. So I've lost that whole side of my family.
I firmly believe that life is just too short and hard enough to keep toxic relationships. Sadly, that goes for family too. Family is important, but not more important than your wellbeing/happiness. My DH and I are estranged from pretty much his whole family. Its a shame, we don't like it, but we also don't have to put up with emotionally abusive people.
You protect yourself and your little family from negativity.
I have issues with one of my older sisters as well. VERY long story short, she is an alcohalic and she has been sober for a year (which I am very glad about). Problem is, she is constantly diagnosising the rest of us the few times she see's us (only on holidays generally- very complicated family dynamics as well). She told me at Thanksgiving that "the rest of us" are very concerned because I was "cutting everyone off, was not returning phone calls, etc." and that I was "depressed" and she was extremely concerned and was "this close" to calling an intervention for me. I explained calmly that I was not depressed, I was suffering from hyperemesis (intense morning sickness) and that through the worst of it I was feeling really ill. I kept in touch with my mom, but that was about it. Granted, she never once called me or texted me, so I don't know what she was talking about about not answering my phone or text messages. I spoke to my mom about it, and my mom was flabbergasted b/c she had never had a conversation about me to by sister.
Now she is trying to convince the rest of the family that my other sister has a drinking problem (she doesn't). My DH says she is dangerous b/c she likes to stir the pot and cause trouble for other people as an attempt to divert negative attention and to make herself feel better about herself. Her daughter lives with my other sister, and you would think that if she really believed that her daughter lived in a dangerous situation she would take her back. But she doesn't want the responsibility of being a mother.
Anyway, just saying that I can empathize. Blood may be thicker than water, but water is healthier and much more refreshing!
Like this one!
Thank you ladies - you are making me feel better about the whole situation. After yesterday's latest episode my husband (who has only met 1 of the sisters in the 4 years we have been together) is OK with not meeting the rest. My little one will know of the other family, but just be around those that are a positive influence.
My mom is so upset right now with what my sisters are doing that I guess I'm the new administrator of my parents' will (when the time should come). My mom is a big believer in Karma and I just have to laugh at all this now.