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If I hear " At least you know you can get pregnant easily" one more time I will blow a fus

baby101010baby101010 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Really??? How insensitive can you get!!! I have had 4 miscarriages- and I have heard that a bunch of times from a few different people that have found out about my losses.... Why do people respond with at least you know you can get pregnant??? DO they hear themselves?????? do they comprehend what they just said????
BabyFruit Ticker BFP #7 2/4/13- EDD 10/20/13
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Re: If I hear " At least you know you can get pregnant easily" one more time I will blow a fus

  • kat530_528kat530_528 member
    I totally get this!  People can be so insensitive.  My MIL (nice woman) tried being supportive and told me a few times how this is not the worst thing that can happen and how at least I wasn't so far along that I had to be induced and give birth.  But how does that make it better?!  Of course you know you can get pregnant but that doesn't mean anything.  I'm so sorry you had to go through this even once, but 4 times...Im so sorry!  I really hope for nothing but best for you and just know that sometimes people don't think before they speak and try to ignore it as much as you can.  This has been the hardest thing for me to do because those words really sting.  Especially when it comes from someone who has never gone through this horrific experience.  I'm sending you lots of good vibes.  Hope your day turns around.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    I feel the same way when people say, "Well you already have 2 kids".  Yeah, so?  Does that mean the baby we lost doesn't mean as much as my 2 living children?  Are my son and daughter some sort of consolation prize? 

    I know when people say this kind of stuff it's meant to help.  I understand that this is one of those situations where nothing anyone says really helps.  There were plenty of times I felt like throat punching people when they said their "condolences".  I hope your day gets a bit better.  ((HUGS))

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  • Augustmama1113Augustmama1113 member

    We had a difficult time conceiving my son and this time was without intervention. We didn't tell many people about our miscarriage, but those who did know have said the same thing to me.

    People are ridiculous.

    TTC#1 Since 9.09
    Unexplained IF
    IUI#1 + Clomid + Trigger= BFP!! EDD: 8/8/11
    DS#1 Born 8/11/11
    TTC#2
    BFP #2 3/1/12 Ended in M/C on 3/17/12 @ 7w
    11/12 IUI#1 + Clomid + Trigger= BFP, EDD: 8/18/13, Beta#1 (45), Beta #2 (265) Beta #3 (2545)
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  • baby101010baby101010 member
    imagejobalchak:

    I feel the same way when people say, "Well you already have 2 kids".  Yeah, so?  Does that mean the baby we lost doesn't mean as much as my 2 living children?  Are my son and daughter some sort of consolation prize? 

    I know when people say this kind of stuff it's meant to help.  I understand that this is one of those situations where nothing anyone says really helps.  There were plenty of times I felt like throat punching people when they said their "condolences".  I hope your day gets a bit better.  ((HUGS))

    Yes- I also have a son as well- so in addition to hearing "at least you know you can get pregnant easily"- I have heard " at least you have one child already"... UGH! I guess people just dont know what to say... but still.... I mean- if someone's grandparent or parent died- would you say " well at least you still have 1 parent/grandparent?????"

    BabyFruit Ticker BFP #7 2/4/13- EDD 10/20/13
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  • shanaelizabeth81shanaelizabeth81
    I know!!  Great, I can get pregnant...I don't need to be reminded.  It just pushes in the fact that I can't stay pregnant.  If you want to offer kinds words, that's appreciated.  Just don't say that freaking phrase again!!
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  • janastep73janastep73

    There was someone who had posted on here last week about their best friend's husband being worried he didn't know what to say to the poster, and the best friend said, "You don't have to say anything, just hug her."  That is so true.

     I have a friend at work who was on vacation the week that I came back from my procedure.  I had it on a Friday and was out that day then she was out the following week.  She came back yesterday, and walked up to me as soon as she saw me and hugged me.  She said, "I don't know the words to say but I would be remiss (spelling/grammar?) if I did not acknowledge what happened and tell you that you have been in my thoughts this past week."  I almost cried because it meant so much.  Not so much the words but that someone acknowledged that something DID happen to me.  She is about 30 years older than me, has never had a miscarriage, and has been sort of like a "work mom" to me since I lost my mom about a year ago.

    She just found out (about a month ago) that her daughter, who is 24, is unexpectedly pregnant and doesn't know how far along she is, but judging when she told her mom it seems like our EDDs were pretty close.  She had her first appointment today, and we were talking about ultrasounds and stuff and she asked me if I was ok talking about it.  It's going to be hard hearing about her daughter's pregnancy, but I know at least that my friend is sensitive to what I'm going through.  For all the bad people who say sh!tty things, it makes me so appreciative when there's one good one. 

    DS born 7/4/2007 TTC#2: 01/2012 | BFP: 02/07/2012 | EDD: 10/18/2012 | MMC: 03/22/2012 (10w0d) D & C: 03/23/2012 Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • yecal262yecal262 member
    People are idiots. Im sorry for your multiple losses.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imagebaby101010:
    imagejobalchak:

    I feel the same way when people say, "Well you already have 2 kids".  Yeah, so?  Does that mean the baby we lost doesn't mean as much as my 2 living children?  Are my son and daughter some sort of consolation prize? 

    I know when people say this kind of stuff it's meant to help.  I understand that this is one of those situations where nothing anyone says really helps.  There were plenty of times I felt like throat punching people when they said their "condolences".  I hope your day gets a bit better.  ((HUGS))

    Yes- I also have a son as well- so in addition to hearing "at least you know you can get pregnant easily"- I have heard " at least you have one child already"... UGH! I guess people just dont know what to say... but still.... I mean- if someone's grandparent or parent died- would you say " well at least you still have 1 parent/grandparent?????"

    Ok, I know you were totally being serious in your post, but I have to tell you that the bolded section made me spit my tea all over my monitor.  Seriously, I have tea up my nose LOL

     

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  • NickitawjNickitawj
    I completely agree with you. And it's as if comparing infertility to miscarriages is common and acceptable. Both hurt emotionally but in different ways. Neither is less painful than the other. 
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