Skids compare holidays between houses?

Holly_1007 · April 2012

I'm sure this was brought up around christmas time but I think I missed it. So with easter coming up how does everyone hande "differences" between households. For example, there are SO many different ways to celebrate Easter. Some families just do baskets, with a few gifts, some families do "gift hunts" or "basket hunts" or just "egg hunts" etc. How do you explain to skids that the easter bunny does one thing at one persons house and something else different at the other parents house?

Also, in past holidays SD (5) always compares the quality/ quantity of gifts she gets at BM's house vs at our house. not that I really need to defend myself but I dont think parents should be spending $300 per kid for easter, but we know BM does. Honestly, SD has christmas presents sitting in her room that still aren't opened, why the heck would I get her even more toys that she's not going to play with. She's only here EOWE, and honestly we would much rather spend time doing other things with the kids (going to the playground or zoo etc) than sitting inside playing with toys.

I spent $100 at walmart last night between the two kids. Got them each a movie, a few candies, each some socks, which they both need, bubbles, and a few small cheap toys. I know that SD is going to look at it and be like 'uh is that it?' and its so frustrating! first of all, you already got a ton of crap at your moms house! secondly, I don't have $300 to drop on easter!

wow this got long and rambly, sorry. How do you guys handle differences between households on holidays?

Nineoceans · April 2012

If SS complains about his presents or toys they go in a pile to donate to kiss who get no toys and appreciate everything. Done. No arguing or comparing

CFjo2010 · April 2012

Nineoceans:
If SS complains about his presents or toys they go in a pile to donate to kiss who get no toys and appreciate everything. Done. No arguing or comparing

Can I just say that you are my new hero?! I love this!!

As for the comparing of household holidays: All kids do it and there's just no way around it. If the kids aren't comparing what happens at Mommy's and what happens at Daddy's, they're comparing what happens at home and what happens at Bobby's house. I think it's just a natural thing for kids to observe and compare.

When K does these comparisons, we just say that everyone celebrates holidays differently. We know that BM goes totally overboard with gifts at holidays, but we believe it's her way of trying to compensate for the less than stable home environment over there. K is 6, and she sounds a lot like your SD: her birthday was in December and we still have unopened toys and stuff from her birthday and Christmas. She has a ton of toys and stuff at BM's to play with, but at our house she has 2 siblings to play with so the toys go unplayed with until my kiddos leave for their father's in the Summer. Maybe for Easter, focus less on the baskets and goodies and plan a fun Egg Hunt or games. Let SD have the big extravagant basket and tons of goodies with BM (since you know she's going to) and plan activities to do during your time on Easter. That way SD is having different experiences at both homes and the comparisions of goodies will lessen because she'll be so excited about all the different stuff that happened for Easter: baskets, toys, egg hunts, candy, egg dying, etc.

Karma1969 · April 2012

If the other parents go heavy on toys and candy then you can say that the Bunny brought toys and candy to house A so he brings book/clothes/tickets to the zoo to house B. The Bunny doesn't like to give the child the same thing since the child is lucky enough to have two loving homes.

MarSamWhitney · April 2012

I think the baskets you got the two kids sound perfect. We face this all the time w/ my SS, who is now 14. Christmas morning is a nightmare when he opens everything slowly, looks at it, and kind of sets it aside. We do our best, and even go overboard, with the funds we have, but in his mind he has better waiting for him at BM's.

I agree w/ PP- tell her the Easter Bunny stopped at BM's, I wish I had other advice.

fellesferie · April 2012

This is totally beside the point, but I would be mortified if my child behaved ungratefully about gifts. I mean, we know he doesn't love getting clothes or books for presents, but he's still expected to say thank you and be kind about it.

Holly_1007 · April 2012

fellesferie:
This is totally beside the point, but I would be mortified if my child behaved ungratefully about gifts. I mean, we know he doesn't love getting clothes or books for presents, but he's still expected to say thank you and be kind about it.

This is how DS is, even though he's 2, he says thank you for every gift he receives. and lets face it, at 2 he doesnt even care that hes getting socks or books. I honestly don't know how to teach SD to be grateful, especially knowing she gets so much more/better at BM's.

FutureMrsWittig · April 2012

My SD and DH lived with DH's parents until about 5 months before we got married. My ILs are crazy when it comes to gifts. CRAZY.

I hate it. Last year SD (then 8) started pouting because she "didn't get very good Christmas presents" (a lot of clothes and books, only a few toys). I was so mad. I took the gifts and told her we were putting them away for someone with a more grateful attitude. MIL got really pissed and insisted to DH that we return her gifts. Grrr...

karleegirl · April 2012

Wow there's no way in heck I'll even spend$100 on all 3 of my kids. I think all the presents have gotten out of control. But we used to have problems with bf b/c he would go overboard with ds1's presents. I never tried to compete (although secretly it made me feel like the inferior parent). It was simply this is what Santa/Easter bunny brought and we appreciate it. If the child isn't appreciative I would take it away for a time.

kali55 · April 2012

Why do the holidays always have to be about the presents?

We tell SDs that we have Santa and the Easter Bunny's phone number and we let them know what is needed.

Holly_1007 · April 2012

karleegirl:
Wow there's no way in heck I'll even spend$100 on all 3 of my kids. I think all the presents have gotten out of control. But we used to have problems with bf b/c he would go overboard with ds1's presents. I never tried to compete (although secretly it made me feel like the inferior parent). It was simply this is what Santa/Easter bunny brought and we appreciate it. If the child isn't appreciative I would take it away for a time.

ugh I didn't even want to spend $100. I really wanted to get DS the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, and DH said I had to get SD a dvd as well, $25 a peice later, theres the budget for easter.

Holly_1007 · April 2012

kali55:

Why do the holidays always have to be about the presents?

We tell SDs that we have Santa and the Easter Bunny's phone number and we let them know what is needed.

I HATEEEE that the holidays are about presents as well, but what can ya do? BM makes it all about the presents, so it doesn't really matter that we play up the fun part of easter egg dying and easter egg hunts, even though DS enjoys all of it.

DarthNBJenni · April 2012

SD has been told that Halloween is evil and from the devil, and they don't believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny. But at my house - Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday, so she definitely got a costume and went to a Fall Festival, and Santa and the Easter Bunny bring tons of awesome stuff. For Christmas, we tend to spend $100 per kid, and Easter they will get a pair of jammies, some target $1 bin stuff, and candy.

kali55 · April 2012

holly71087:
kali55:

Why do the holidays always have to be about the presents?

We tell SDs that we have Santa and the Easter Bunny's phone number and we let them know what is needed.

I HATEEEE that the holidays are about presents as well, but what can ya do? BM makes it all about the presents, so it doesn't really matter that we play up the fun part of easter egg dying and easter egg hunts, even though DS enjoys all of it.

I agree. It's not only the other household but society in general!

mschocokitty · April 2012

I can't tell you ladies how much this issue bothers me every holiday. Unfortunately, I am on the other end. My DH is the one who goes overboard on the gifts. He truly enjoys making the stockings, the baskets, etc, but I feel it is all just too much. We end up throwing out the candy simply because SD can't eat it all before it goes stale or the next holiday rolls around. Her BM gives gifts, but doesn't seem to go over the top, one of the few points we have in common. DH has gotten better over the years, but I have come to accept that his side of the family has a different view of gift giving than my side. SD is overall pretty good at showing gratitude and not openly comparing the houses, but I grind my teeth at all the candy that goes in the trash and all the toys that she doesn't get around to playing with.

DatsyuksMommy · April 2012

BM's mom gets SD everything under the sun, holiday or no. At Christmas, everything we got SD is something she already had at her other house. I'm talking about a doll house and a train/road table. So now I try to just get what I know she will enjoy, and do more activities. For Easter at our house, she got books, sidewalk chalk, playdoh, and a little bit of candy. She isn't comparing houses yet, but her 3rd birthday is coming up so I know it will start before too long. I love the idea of donating her gifts if she's ungrateful. What a great lesson.

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