So this is all I am going to say...Rainbow baby

pottermommy · April 2012

To preserve feelings and new losses....And those of you that know will get what I am talking about....

It is tomorrow......

The anxiety meds are stopping the panic attacks but I am so so sad, and scared...

Any other rainbow mama's find that going on and doing the normal things make you relive the death of your baby all over again????

It has been three years this should have stopped......I feel stupid and...

Ugh I feel ungreatful, I am sorry....That is all.

Sorry it is rambling i am sorry...

Auki13 · April 2012

Sweetheart, I do not have a rainbow baby, but I want to tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. You are taking a huge step and I am so proud of you. You should NOT feel stupid, and the feelings should not have stopped. What you feeling is completely normal and if I was in your situation, I feel like I would be in the same shape as you. I am sending you huge huge (((HUGS))). And please be as gentle and easy with yourself as possible tomorrow.

StephK86 · April 2012

Hunny don't you dare feel stupid. You are not stupid. You are a wonderful, caring, amazing, momma, whose heart is incomplete without one of her babies. It doesn't matter if it is ten years from now and you have ten more kids. You will still cry for your beautiful girl. A friend I made on the loss fb board lost her son 26 years ago and she is still grieving for him. My great great aunt lost her son 50 years ago and his birthday/angelversary days are still hard for her. Both have more kids, grand kids and my aunt even has great grand kids. Yet they are still sad because a piece of them is missing.

My son should be turning two April 28th. When I woke up yesterday I cried so hard I threw up. I will never, ever stop missing him. His angelversary is June 1st and from now until then I will be a mess. My anxiety meds are helping a bit but this sadness is powerful.

I am a rainbow momma and I know what you mean. I relive my son's death constantly. I am trying to train my brain to remember all the times we had together while he was alive but it is hard. You are not ungrateful at all. All these other mothers get to have all of their babies here together on earth. Why shouldn't we?

I will be thinking of you so much especially today. I wish I could hug you and we could let it out together. I will just have to send you internet love instead. You ever want to talk through fb, email or text let me know. HUGS

magdalina.h · April 2012

It's gotten better, but there are days where it just hits me like a ton of bricks and I relive his 8 days.

tubbsy32 · April 2012

I am not a rainbow mommy, but what you say makes sense. I hope you are doing OK today, thinking of you. ((hugs)) And like people tell me, you don't have to be sorry for how you feel.

johnnys june · April 2012

Hun, you are by no means stupid. I haven't reached this point yet since I'm still getting through the PgAL portion with this rainbow baby, but I already have anxiety about the what if's for the future that are MONTHS away. *hugs*

Petunia844 · April 2012

I feel like you always have the perfect things to say and I wish I knew the perfect thing to say now. My rainbow baby is still in my belly... but I can totally understand. My anxiety comes with pregnancy, scared that if I fall asleep s/he will not be there when I wake up... I can completely understand this anxiety, it makes perfect sense. I hope that after tomorrow it will get better and better each day for you. Big huge hugs, I'll be thinking of you.

littlepenguin2012 · April 2012

Pottermommy: I am not totally sure I know what you are talking about, but I wanted to say (hugs) and I'll be thinking of you today.

goillini823 · April 2012

Lots of hugs. My Gabes EDD was 4/18/10, but csection was scheduled for 4/8/10. My rainbow will be 1 on 4/18. I felt like an a$$ when I felt like crap that April was upon us. All I could think of was that I should be preparing for a 2 year olds bday. Than I realized I have a 1 year olds bday to prep for, and to celebrate his amazing life. I hate the guilt! I hate grieving for one, but yet so thankful for the other. I feel awful wantiing my angel here, but knowing if he hadn't left, my rainbow wouldn't be here.

cherrycobbler · April 2012

I don't have a rainbow either, but I know you are not stupid, and I don't believe you to be ungrateful either. You are just worried, as we all are, with every step we take in our journeys. We all have different anxiety triggers regarding our losses, and this is yours. I do hope your day goes ok and each day it becomes a little easier. big ((hugs)) for you today, and an extra (hug) for tomorrow too.

weddedwife · April 2012

I hope everything went okay today. Thinking of you with love!

pottermommy · April 2012

Thank you ladies for yoru wonderful words. I made it through without a full blown panic attack..but there were lots of calls and tears...Apparently from both of us..

Thank you again, I can't tell you enough how much your support means to me.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · April 2012

I'll be honest, it took me all day to figure out what you were talking about and then I was watching TV last night and I completely remembered. I'm glad things went "ok" yesterday. I don't have my rainbow yet but I can understand how and why it would be a difficult day. I'm proud of you for making it through. {{HUGS}}

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