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Blended Families
Charges were dropped. And of course...SD.
SS's drug charges in Florida were dropped. DH and SS still have yet to tell me. Maybe DH does not know, but it's highly unlikely that SS does not know. His sister (not SD) has been keeping an eye on it and SS has been so stressed about it that I doubt that he has not checked up in the time since he was cleared. I'm inquiring about it tomorrow - DH and SS are out tonite at DH's pool league game. I will be bringing it up and inquiring as to when SS will be dealing with his charges here. The deal was he would deal with his charges here once he knew if the charges were dropped in Florida. It's been two weeks now. I just found out a few days ago and have kind of sat on it contemplating how to approach it.
I'm going to firmly and respectfully tell him that he addresses it quickly and soon, or I'll be insisting he move out.
For those that are about to ask, counselor cancelled and re-scheduled his initial meeting/evaluation for after Easter. I'm at a point that I really don't care - and not concerned. He's still not exhibitting any drug related behavior. Which is a positive.
DH and I are at a crossroads. Had a major huge argument last week and I talked to my lawyer about filing. And then put it on hold. DH and I have made amends for now, but damage was done. DH said some hurtful things he really can't take back and I have a hard time getting past them, but I agreed to give therapy a chance. If things don't change and therapy does not help, seperation is likely to happen this year. And it makes me sad. I don't want this, but therapy will be the last resort. I'll give it my best, and he agreed. I have to at least give him the opportunity at trying professional help now that he's finally agreed to it. If we can't make it work after that, then I'm moving on.
SD is playing DH. This is no surprise. I'm not involved. Just an observer. DH to his credit is not biting. If you remember, she disowned DH about 6 weeks ago because DH politely refused to listen to her gripe about drama with her mom. She called him a selfish SOB and threatened to never let him see GS. Then a month later she sends pictures of GS. Then, this past week she repeatedly texted and called DH's phone, refusing to talk to DH, only wanting to talk to SS about some drama. DH told her to stop calling and texting his phone. She said some ugly incredibly exagerated crazy things - as usual. Then the next day texted saying that she wanted to come visit for Easter and asked if DH wanted to get to know his grandson. She likes to use her son alot to tug at DH's heart. DH did not respond. He's fed up and will not pursue any relationship with SD until she apologizes for her rude behavior. He's finally standing his ground (on his own and without my coaching and counseling) with SD. Now if only he can do it with SS...
So life kinda sucks right now. But there is a bright side - I love my new job and I fully expect my salary to be huge this year. I am very happy with this because I get out of the house more, I get to live a normal, healthy, productive life devoid of BS drama and "deadbeat-ness" for at least 40 hours out of the week. DD is growing like a weed. On weekends, DH and SS are busy with the business, so I get to spend time alone with her and getting away with her more to just enjoy life with out the crap. And I'm loving it. She's the best part of my day. Every day.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Charges were dropped. And of course...SD.
Honey, you know what I am going to tell you. Your daughter needs to grow up in a sane and healthy environment.
Last week, Monkey was doing something she was not supposed to do. DH told her to stop. She used one of SS's regularly used replies when HE is in the middle of a snit. even though SS has been so much better.
The look on DHs face was sadly priceless. He FINALLY got it. And he'd actually said to me, "do not say I told you so". Then he dealt with DD and has become even more forceful with SS.
It does matter. So much so, that this moment stiffened MY resolve.
J+K I'm really sorry that things are like this for you, you so do not deserve it.
I'll cross my fingers that counselling works for you guys.
Couples counselling did not work for DH and I. DH stayed silent and I talked and the counsellor focused on me and I was so fkin angry about it. Eventually the counsellor said that there was no point as we were to interested in blaming each other. He told us to come back when we were ready for help.
Anyhow we stopped going together and concentrated on individual counselling and I can honestly say we are happier today than we have ever been.
From the bottom of my heart I feel your DH needs individual counselling. You do not have relationship issues your DH has deep rooted issues that include enabling his kids that need to be addressed. I truly believe that he should do about a years counselling alone and then bring you in.
The counsellor can possibly get him to see your side of things BUT he needs to understand why he acts the way he does before he can truly believe that he needs to change them.
Best of luck J+K and feel free to post pics of that little lady of yours any day. We never tire of doting on the kiddies X
The sad thing is, it kills me to leave DH because he is SUCH a good daddy to her. I don't know why the other two are so screwed up (well actually I do know) but I don't want her to be away from him. And that's not DH in my head. That's me knowing that I have a good husband and father for my child. But at what price? My happiness? My sanity?
When it's just us three, we are good. Yes, there was the older kid's crap, but we are getting closer to getting SS out - or his leaving on his own. DH swears to God after this, no more taking in strays. I feel like I'm giving up just when I think we almost have it.
I agree it's a DH issue more than a relationship issue but we have issues aside from the kids that need work. I feel they stem from my anger, hurt and resentment over the enabling, but I'm going to need help dealing with them in order to get over this. I'm pretty sure DH will not go alone, so I'm hoping counseling together will help him open his mind to what's goign on with him and at least hear me, and confirm that he needs to stop enabling his kids. Maybe if he sees some positive come out of counseling together, he'll be open to individual.
I guess we'll see.