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Blended Families
Jmollo28
member
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Jmollo28
member
My 9 year old SD was just diagnosed with this today. Does anyone have any children who have been dx with this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
My SS was never diagnosed but every example given described him. Note the ones bolded and underlined he really did A LOT.
He is now 18 and he still does all these things. In the last few months he started picking on his 4 1/2 year old twin siblings to the point of tears. He even targeted the almost 2 year old. It was really rough living with him around this time. I'm glad he's moved on. Our home atmosphere has really done a 180.
Yep, more than likely he has it... Sounds exactly the same as my SD. It started with some yelling at home and now, she hits and screams and kicks her walls and she lies about everything and she actually told her dad to go kill himself the other day. (poor girl is only 9)
Dear SD has abandonment issues because her mom left her at the age of 4 (she has no contact with her mom) and she resents me because of what her mom did, which is understandable. Except that now, I'm 7 months pregnant and very afraid of SD and her tantrums.
I actually put a lock on her bedroom door and told my husband that I would have to lock her in her bedroom if she got physical with me.
She started stealing at school and now she also yells at her grandma. It has really just become an unhealthy and unstable environment at our house and SD has been in therapy now for 2 years and there hasn't been much outcome. She goes to therapy and pretends that everything is fine and she works really hard in therapy, but then when she leaves, she has absolutely no motivation to better herself.
I feel really bad for SD because she is a beautiful, young, smart little girl but with a lot of anger, resentment, and motivation to hurt people.
I'm almost jealous that your SS is already 18 and out of the house. I shouldn't feel that way with my SD, but I sometimes get to the point where I want to either pull my hair out or smack her in her face (which, I absolutely do not hit her. How could you teach a child not to hit and then hit her, but I want you to know that I want to)!!
I watched a stand up of Kat Williams and he said that he wanted to literally "fight" his kids.. and I know how he feels! LOL
He never struck out at us or me but whenever I would discuss or reprimand him, he would get his body very close to mine in a confrontational mode. Mind you by 15 he was 5' 9" and is now about 5'11" (I'm 5'4") > I would not move and tell him that his posture was confrontational. I could tell in his eyes that he was upset I didn't show fear. This happened numerous times but no one believed me. Not even my DH at first.
What does your DH say/do about it? Are you guys part of her counseling? Do you also do group/family counseling with her?
I'm sorry you're living with that kind of fear.
Sounds like maybe it's time to look for a new therapist? If she's not getting better with the one she's already working with, maybe there's someone else who specializes in ODD?
Get a new therapist and a psychiatrist and get this child on medication. My 10 y/o SD has ODD. She's not violent (thank god) but she is everything else on that list.
She's been going to therapy for about 2.5-3 years now, and has been on medication for 2. She's not any where near perfect or "cured" but she is SO much better lately, and can mostly be managed.
Honey, first you need another therapist. If this one is not listening to YOUR commentary on what is going on in the house AND/OR being snowed by your SD's lies, then the therapist is useless.
Second, my SS got physical with me once. 9 days later, I was out of the house and out of the country. Don't know what DH actually said to SS (my backstory, DH is a weak parent with SS) but SS has never been physical or even intimidating since.
HOWEVER, that did not stop his oral garbage. The things he would say and how loud he would get, not to mention the actual actions of stupidity or disobedience, stayed at the same level.
It took SS screaming at his 3 yo sister on her birthday, calling her a demonic thing (not to mention posting that commentary along with some choice nasty things about ME becuase I did...well I actually did nothing hoping to mitigate the 16yo temper tantrum so I wouldn't ruin the toddlers birthday) to force my hand AGAIN.
5 days later, a trip across the Atlantic ocean and the ultimatum of divorce got DH to get control of SS. But it want until last week where DH really and truly "got it". DD was being reprimanded and she used one of SSs stock responses. Yep...she honestly thought that since Bubba says that to get out of being in trouble, she could too.
I will not allow my child to grow up in a volatile household anymore. I get just how hard this decision is. You love your DH (my DH is a great and totally different father with SD and DD) and sympathize with your SD...but THEY are not more important than YOU and most definitely not more important than the new baby.
You need a different therapist.
You need rules and consequences spelled out and taped to the wall. You can't be inconsistent with anything.
You need to deterime which part os ODD and which part is just typical behavior for a child that age.
ODD is often just a dx code so insurance companies can be billed. It's one of those catch all dx like depression, anxiety, etc. It doesn't mean he doesn't have it but he shouldn't be defined by the label someone slapped on him.