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October 2012 Moms
Mrs.G123
member
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"Were you trying?"
Mrs.G123
member
Have you been asked this if you have announced? And do you think it is a rude question or one that just pops out of people's mouths???
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Were you trying?"
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
My aunt asked how we found out about the pregnancy, like if I went to the doctor for something else and just happened to find out. (This is how she found out with one of hers.) She didn't ask it in a rude way at all though and I don't mind sharing our story.
I guess it depends on who is asking, how the ask it, and why they are really asking.
I haven't been asked this question. However DH and I have been married for almost 7 years, and our DD is 3.
I think it's a "polite" way of saying "wow I can't believe YOU are pregnant again, did you forget to take your birth control or what?" Some people are shocked when people have kids really close together, or if they are really struggling financially or have a bad marriage, or whatever.
I personally feel that if you aren't using birth control correctly every single time(condoms, pills, natural planning, whatever) that you are "trying" to get pregnant.
TRUTH. Yet people will still be shocked it happens
Meh, I think no matter what, 'shock' is a first reaction, whether you were actively trying or not. At least it was for me!
OMG I totally thought we were sterile for no medical reason!
Oh absolutely. I actually wonder if you ARE trying for a while the BFP might be even more surprising after months of nothing. I think The_Jen was more getting at people who truly did not consider there was a chance they would get pregnant if they weren't using birth control. I am sure that does not apply to 95% of the posters on this board, but you do see it IRL.
On the flipside, being the rude person (and only because I do not like the person involved), someone said "Well how did THAT happen?!" I looked her in the face and said "Well there was this one night...DH was looking particularly hot...and well...here we are."
Haha. I know I should've let it go, but it was WAY to fun to see her face.
Pretty much this. Most knew to expect it at some point after we lost #1 2 years ago. Many knew we were struggling as well. I suppose that's the upside to being open about TTTC and TTCAL.
I think it is a rude question, but not one that I have been asked (or expect to be asked) because I am OLD. Of COURSE I was trying! It wouldn't have happened any other way!
I think it's a rude, squirm-inducing question because it crosses the line into asking essentially about your sex life.
No, but I was asked if my pregnancy was a honeymoon baby.
My husband and I have only been married 5 months and I get asked this question so many times in such a condencending tone. I also get the "Weren't you two being careful?!" the nerve of some people just blows my freakin mind! I just smile as fake as possible and go "this was the best surprise of our lives...thank you"
In general, when people ask questions that are none of their business, it's rude. I guess whether I'd be offended would depend on who asks and how they ask.
No one has ever asked me that I don't think, but we were married for 3 years and 31/33 years old when we had DS and I'm 33 now. So nothing about us is really extraordinary or different.
We were trying for each of our kids. We got asked if we were, if it was a surprise, if we were happy/excited with all of them. I suppose because we got pregnant with our first a few months after we got married, our 2nd when #1 was 9 months and our third when #2 was 12 months old. This is not only what we planned for, but exactly what we wanted. 3 kids all close together in age.
I was offended by every person that asked us those questions. Especially people that said "Oh are you excited/happy about this?" with a cringe on their face. Even if I wasn't, a-hole, I wouldn't tell YOU that. It's just rude. I always assume people ask these questions to see if your child was a mistake.
I have been asked this several times, and while I don't think anyone who asked intended to be rude, I do think that people should realize that it's none of their business. Like someone else said, they're basically asking about your sex life/birth control methods. I am happily married and almost 30. I may not have a huge house or make 6 figures, but does that mean it would be crazy to purposefully add to my family? That's how I feel when people ask that, like they're judging me.
On a related note, when I got pregnant with my son around 7 years ago, my (now ex) MIL said to my then husband when he told her "should I say congratulations?" Uh...yes. When your married son tells you his wife is pregnant, you say congratulations, no matter what your opinion is about it. It was, however, an improvement to her reaction to my pregnancy with our daughter (before we were married), which was "there are things you can do to take care of that." Lovely.
This question is just plain rude. It is none of people's business whether or not you were trying.
That being said, I've had a couple close friends ask me, and it doesn't bother me. If coworkers were to ask, I'm not sure what my response would be.
I have been asked, and I do find it rude. Yes, we were trying, but what's the point of asking? Would they assume we're not as happy, excited, ready, or worthy to be parents if we hadn't been actively trying? Why is this a question that people ask all of the time? What do they do with the information?
Maybe next time someone asks, I'll respond with "are you trying?" Then, when they give me a shocked look, I'll say something like "I thought we were getting to know each other's personal business. So, are you?"
mwhahahaa, this seriously made me laugh. i like you.