Waiting to miscarry and going insane
I'm new here. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years.Finally, with the help of chlomid and good timing...it happened. Right now, I'm ending week 5 and going into week 6. Needless to say, I have been so excited and my life the past few weeks has been all about being pregnant. Well, because it took us so long to conceive, my doctor (who is amazing, btw) has been closely monitoring my hormone levels..just to be safe. I have had blood drawn every 4 days for the past 5 weeks. At first, everything was going very well. My levels were going up, I was feeling "pregnant" (sore boobs, tired, etc) and then all of the sudden, I woke up one morning and my boobs no longer hurt. I didn't really think too much of it as I figured maybe my brain was just adapting and my pain tolerance was increasing to accomodate. Besides, I had an appointment scheduled for bloodwork that day, so I figured if anything was wrong, I would know about it within hours. Well..something was wrong. My doctor called me (just the past Thursday..it is now Saturday) and he said that my progresterone levels completely dropped and the pregnancy hormone also stopped climbing. I went in yesterday to have more blood drawn, but my doctor already told me that a miscarriage is going to happen. He explained that something probably didn't develop right with the baby and my body is preparing to expel the fetus. I was devastated. It's now Saturday morning and I have not stopped crying since I found out the news. My husband had to go out of town for work so I'm all alone and I feel like my world is crumbling around me. In the meantime, it's like torture knowing that my baby is literally dying inside me and there's nothing I can do about it. I just want to get it over with, but there is no sign of a miscarriage taking place anytime soon. I have no cramps, no feeling of starting my period, no sickness or nausea. It's literally like torture. I just wish it would start so I can get this over with.
At this point, my doctor has not offered me the option of having a d&c. I think he's waiting to see if nature takes it course, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel sick to my stomach when I see a commercial with a baby. I've been crying for 2 days straight and my eyes are pure bloodshot and completely swollen, so I don't want to leave the house because I know everyone will be asking me "what's wrong". So I sit here, all alone, just waiting for my body to reject the fetus and I have to say this is the worse time of my life.
Re: Waiting to miscarry and going insane
I am sorry for your loss. The miscarriage support board on here can be a wonderful place to find experience, strength and hope. I went through something similar and it took about a week for it to start.
You're of course dealing with genuine sadness but remember you're also having a serious hormone crash too. Go easy on yourself and if you need to sleep and veg out that's very very normal and ok.
BFP 06/25/17 | EDD 02/24/18 | DS2 02/19/18
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you.
I would definitely recommend going over to the miscarriage/pregnancy loss board, especially with how you are feeling. While some of the ladies here can understand and empathize with what you are currently going through, the ladies there all know what you are going through. They can definitely give you advice on what to do from here, particularly if you feel that a D & C would be in your best option. They are a great group of ladies there and are so valuable in their support and their wisdom.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I have to say...the fact that I might be more fertile after this is def helpful. I decided to go shopping today. A little retail therapy helped. I've got a line up of chick flicks planned for the rest of the night. I appreciate all the support and well wishes. Thanks everyone for posting. It is helping me feel like I'm not in a miserable, lonely bubble.
xoxo
I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now.
Can I ask... has anyone offered you an ultrasound? And do you know your beta levels? I ask because at 5w4d my levels had suddenly slowed dramatically. I was doubling in 40 hours, and then suddenly in 112 hours. And four days later my doubling time was 116 hours. They were mentally preparing me for another miscarriage, and gave me an early ultrasound because there was reason to suspect an ectopic pregnancy. I had a scan at 6 weeks and we found a heartbeat, which got stronger and stronger at 7 and 8 weeks. I'm 9 weeks today and hopeful that things will still be alright next week. (I get frequent scans because my fertility clinic is very cautious and we have a couple risk factors.)
Two separate doctors told me to expect a miscarriage based on my beta levels. They were wrong, and your doctor can give you progesterone supplements to keep your levels up. I would ask for a scan ASAP to find out what's really going on in there just in case you're going through this for nothig. I don't want to give you false hope, but I wanted to share my story because three weeks ago I thought I'd lost another pregnancy.
Good luck and much love, and I hope that whatever happens, you get your baby soon.
Hi there. No I haven't had an ultra sound yet. My doc called me on Thursday with the results of Wednesday's bloodwork. I have been going to my ob my entire adult life and I actually have a ten year old son from my first marriage, so my doc and I have a good dr/patient relationship. He told me on Thursday that an ultrasound wasn't necessary at this point. He ordered me to come in on Friday(yesterday) for more bloodwork, but he told me with my levels dropping so low so quickly, he wasn't hopeful. He said that he was certain my body is preparing to miscarry and he told me to mentally prepare for it as he felt it's just not possible for this pregnancy to be saved.
I'm not expecting to hear from him until Monday because the bloodwork was done on Friday and with the weekend, I'm sure the lab is closed. I wish I could be more optimistic but I just feel like it's wasted emotions.
As far as your story goes...I'm happy to hear it worked out for you! What a miracle. Can I ask if your progesterone levels dropped at all? My pregnancy hormone continued to rise, but my progesterone dropped to basically pre-pregnancy levels. He said without that level being high, the uterus would prepare itself to "shed" the fetus. also, he said that the next time around he will give me progesterone suppositories to sustain my levels, but he felt that it's not worthwhile to do that this time since he felt this was natures way of getting rid a fetus that wasn't developing properly.
Anyhow, I really appreciate your input and thank you for the little ray of optimism you provided. xoxo I wish you the very best of luck and hope you have a little bundle of joy in your arms around Thanksgiving time!