how would you handle this work situation

Jenny952 · March 2012

I am moving over to a new group in a couple weeks, still with my same company. My new team is having a off-site meeting in May. We are going to be at one of the team member's lake home about an hour away. The manager wants everyone to stay there at this home.

We need to be there Tuesday night and stay through Friday morning. I am very hesitant to be gone that long. I have a baby who will be 5-months by then and I am still nursing. I do have some freezer stash, but I don't think enough to cover that long, and besides, I do not want to be away from her for 3 nights.

How do I ask to be excused in the evenings to come home? Or is it even worth it, given the 1-hour drive each way plus getting up earlier and home later? I don't want to be the newbit coming in and making this request but I am so stressed about being gone that long. How should I handle this?

KathrynMD · March 2012

Are there other parents w/ very young children in the group? I think is something that someone w/ no kids or with older kids wouldn't really think about (kinda like making accomodations for a nursing mother); people just don't realize what a huge inconvenience this can be. I would speak to the manager and explain that you ahve a very young child (infant) and it would be difficult for you to stay overnight all 3 nights. Ask if you could just commute separately or just stay over one night, etc.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

I find that kind of odd/awkward. You're staying in someones home? Are there enough bedrooms for everyone?

Honestly, I'd really not "ask" as much as "tell" your manager that you'll be unable to stay all 3 nights as you have a nursing child at home. Could you swing a night? If so- offer that.

In the end, if they say this is a requirement and you feel you have to, then so be it. But again - I'd frame it in more of a "I can't stay over night" instead of "Is it o.k. if I don't stay over night".

NativeNyer · March 2012

What a weird situation.

Honestly, I'd really not "ask" as much as "tell" your manager that you'll be unable to stay all 3 nights as you have a nursing child at home.

This.

seahorse102410 · March 2012

NativeNyer:

What a weird situation.

Honestly, I'd really not "ask" as much as "tell" your manager that you'll be unable to stay all 3 nights as you have a nursing child at home.

This.

This. Bless your heart this sounds dreadful!

car_ramrod · March 2012

I would just talk to your manager about it. If they want it to be a team building experience and really want you to stay I would probably stay. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot however I do think that everyone would understand if you can't stay the whole time. You could always compromise and stay one of two nights but not all three. Or you could see if you could meet your DH halfway to give him your pumped milk so that your baby has enough while you are gone. Just some options...

Jenny952 · March 2012

Thanks for all the replies and really helpful suggestions. I agree that it is very awkward. I was just talking about this with girl currently on the team, we used to work together in another department, about how weird it was. I'm not sure how big of a place this is and how many bed/baths but there re will probably have to be some sharing. I will plan to talk to my new manager next week and figure out how to work through it.

NovaGolden · March 2012

How long have you worked for the company? Is it a kind friendly kind of place? Some places may say it is ok, but make you pay for it later or question your commitment. I am sure that not everyone wants to be there, so by not "suffering" with the group you may be an outcast.

With that being said my LO means more to me than a job. Despite the consequences I would probably not stay the night.

Ms5586 · March 2012

EastCoastBride:

Honestly, I'd really not "ask" as much as "tell" your manager that you'll be unable to stay all 3 nights as you have a nursing child at home. Could you swing a night? If so- offer that.

In the end, if they say this is a requirement and you feel you have to, then so be it. But again - I'd frame it in more of a "I can't stay over night" instead of "Is it o.k. if I don't stay over night".

Yep - play up the fact that you are a nursing mother who needs to be there overnight for your LO.

I'm an EPer, and I would've had a hard time having that much stash to be gone that long.

kar5162 · March 2012

I wouldn't even get into the nursing part if you don't feel comfortable with it. I would just say I am not able to stay overnight during this period, but can be there during x hours during the day or I have a young child at home and am not comfortable leaving her overnight at this point. I BF, but nursing or not I wouldn't leave my 5 month old yet.

Trillian46 · March 2012

I would probably try to intentionally schedule an early morning meeting closer to my house / at the office one or two mornings, so that you have an excuse to stay at home instead (other than bringing up the breastfeeding). It makes it look like it's work related (which might be helpful with a new boss, since he or she may not know your work ethic in general yet). If it's impossible to come up with a meeting that would be important enough, I'd just let him or her know that you need to be home a night or two to BF. The meeting tactic really only works if the meeting takes clear priority over the team building (and you can hide the fact that you scheduled the time or that the time selected was unnecessary)... in my line of work, most meetings do...

erbear · March 2012

I'd ask my boss. "I have a newborn and I'm breastfeeding. I cannot be away that long. Would it be ok if I went home for nights?"

charlotalcaide · April 2012

What a weird situation.

Lena122 · April 2012

Are you going to be paid for all of that time you're away from home? If not, I'd definitely put my foot down about not being able to stay for that many nights. Just the fact that you have an infant should be reason enough regardless of whether you BF or not.

rodiesmum · April 2012

if they would not excuse me during night time sessions, ill still go home after the nighttiime activities and make that one hour drive to be home with my nursing infant, but that's just me. My boss has the tendency to want everyone to be present regardless if it is just a fun dinner or real conference kind of thing, and does not tolerate family related excuses, so if it were me, id still make the drive.

Strunella · April 2012

I agree with pps...I'd tell the new boss that with a nursing infant, you just can't be gone for 3 nights. Then I would plan on coming home every night after the work day. Honestly, I commute 1.5 hours one way to work, so I don't think it's a big deal to commute an hour for a few days to be home with baby.

Dochas · April 2012

I wouldn't share a room with someone so I wouldn't be going even without a baby. I had a 3 day conference one time that was within traveling distance. They wanted me to stay overnight but expected me to share a hotel room. I offered to take a car back and forth or not go at all. They're already getting your time, they cannot tell you where to sleep.

how would you handle this work situation

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