How naive were you?

panacea05 · March 2012

I remembered today that when I was pregnant with my first angel baby, I was actually naive enough to hope that he/she would have my eyes and DH's lips. I mean, I worried about it. I visited various websites, trying to calculate the odds of our LO one having blue eyes. I remember saying to DH, "I'll be so sad if our baby has brown eyes." I can't even imagine giving a sh!t about that stuff now.

Also, from my short stint on the October BMB board, I've learned that even some ladies who've never suffered a loss worry about miscarrying. Before my first loss, miscarrying never, ever crossed my mind. Not even once. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me.

How naive were you? Did you fret about superficial bullsh!t? Did you worry about miscarrying?

Mom2anAngel2 · March 2012

I actually did worry about mc. I don't really know why, but I did. I did start to relax after our 15 week appointment. I even started to feel the baby move around 16 weeks, but I kept saying that it didn't feel real yet. I don't know if why, but I would not even buy anything. I kept saying that we could start shopping after the AS. Needless to say, our AS did not go the way we would have liked. I'm sure when I do get pg again, I will be a basketcase.

edinger3 · March 2012

Since I'm 34, I was well aware of my age & religiously stuck to the "don't tell anyone until I'm out of my 1st trimester". The only people who knew I was pregnant were my OB's office & my family doctor. I was worried about miscarrying. That fear pretty much went away once I saw & heard the heartbeat at 6w4d. I was naive enough to think that once you see/hear the heartbeat, you out of the woods.

I started to begin a baby registry, research pricing on maternity clothing, & making bets with DH on the physical characteristics of our baby. We told our families that we were pg on Christmas Day. I was 11w1d on Christmas Day. Three days later, we found out that LO had only survived to 10w3d.

If we get another BFP, I think I'll tell immediate family as soon as we see a heartbeat. The "wait until the 2nd tri" didn't work the 1st time, so what the hell. I'll also hold off on the baby registry until after the A/S.

rebekam · March 2012

I was the complete opposite. Even when we were TTC me and DH talked about the chance of m/c. I wouldn't buy anything baby related at all and just figured I would jinx myself if I did. When I went for my u/s I knew the odds of having a m/c. It didn't ease the pain at all but I was super paranoid.

melly918 · March 2012

When I was 7 weeks, DH's family congratulated me on the pregnancy and I was in a snarky mood at the time. I responded saying it was going to be a long 9 months. How I wish I could take these words back. The 9 months are already here and I am still at square one. I took that pregnancy for granted because I had one healthy pregnancy before and I was so incredibly naive.

Allycat11 · March 2012

I was never too naive. I was diagnosed with PCOS before my first pregnancy, so I knew there was a higher risk. For some reason I always felt that things would not go smoothly for me. My pregnancy seemed perfectly healthy, I saw the heartbeat, had all the right symptoms and then out of nowhere at 8 weeks I miscarried.

DH and I still discuss superficial things, but they don't necessarily matter to us. Clearly at this point we just want our take home baby.

samakasrc · March 2012

I did worry about miscarrying - all the time. But I never once worried after I hit 12 weeks. I was one of those who figured once you were past that 12 week mark, everything would be fine. I never thought of losing a baby late term. I never once thought I'd actually have to bury my child. I never thought I'd carry a baby to full term knowing they wouldn't live. I have always worried about miscarrying, which I did before my DD was born, but never thought I'd be where I am today.

s.alarie · March 2012

**DS Mentioned**

With my first, I wasn't naive. I'm a Labor nurse, and I know what can happen; I see it too often. He arrived safely, and I assumed that #2 would as well. He!!, I had done it before, there was no reason to worry.

When I was about 11 weeks, one of my co-workers talked me into letting her U/S me at work. We put it on my belly, but we just thought we were dumb and couldn't find the heartbeat (nurses aren't trained to do u/s, we were just playing at 3am). We were both poking my belly, telling that little guy (IDK if it was a boy, just what I've always called him, better than it) "move, baby!" So. effing. dumb. I think I knew, but I was just in denial.

lovelainie · March 2012

Because I had a gut feeling that we were dealing with MFI from the beginning, I didn't sweat the superficial stuff.

But after two years of TTC, I never dreamed that once we finally got pregnant it would be taken away almost immediately (or something like that. I'd already been bleeding for over ten days by the time I even found out I was pregnant).

It was a big giant slap in the face... And I was diagnosed with PCOS at the same time as our loss, so that was a double-whammy.

Now we talk about superficial things, but with the understanding that none of that matters. All we want is a healthy baby.

panacea05 · March 2012

samakasrc:
I did worry about miscarrying - all the time. But I never once worried after I hit 12 weeks. I was one of those who figured once you were past that 12 week mark, everything would be fine. I never thought of losing a baby late term. I never once thought I'd actually have to bury my child. I never thought I'd carry a baby to full term knowing they wouldn't live. I have always worried about miscarrying, which I did before my DD was born, but never thought I'd be where I am today.

This just broke my heart. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

panacea05 · March 2012

edinger3:
Since I'm 34, I was well aware of my age & religiously stuck to the "don't tell anyone until I'm out of my 1st trimester". The only people who knew I was pregnant were my OB's office & my family doctor. I was worried about miscarrying. That fear pretty much went away once I saw & heard the heartbeat at 6w4d. I was naive enough to think that once you see/hear the heartbeat, you out of the woods.

I started to begin a baby registry, research pricing on maternity clothing, & making bets with DH on the physical characteristics of our baby. We told our families that we were pg on Christmas Day. I was 11w1d on Christmas Day. Three days later, we found out that LO had only survived to 10w3d.

If we get another BFP, I think I'll tell immediate family as soon as we see a heartbeat. The "wait until the 2nd tri" didn't work the 1st time, so what the hell. I'll also hold off on the baby registry until after the A/S.

I didn't start a baby registry, but I was getting ready to. By 9 weeks, I'd bookmarked about 500 baby things, and I had the nursery 100% planned. Two days after I told my DH that the nursery was "done in my head," the cramps started.

KacyChicago · March 2012

I worried every day. I have no idea why, I just did. I had a chemical pregnancy in my early twenties, so I guess that was always in my brain.

We got told early on that our baby was possibly cornual ectopic, so I also had to live in fear of losing my uterus as well for a while. After that, I tried to be hopeful, but it was short-lived.

I guess I never really had the luxury, and it's even worse now. There are few things in this life that I would ever let myself be jealous about other women ... This is one of those things.

KDS1987 · March 2012

I feel like in the back of my mind I knew that I would never meet my baby. I was naive for about the first day, but after that I think that deep down on some level I knew something wasn't right.

doodlescaboodles · March 2012

I too never TRULY worried about miscarrying despite being pregnant with twins. I just thought "it will nver happen to me". Now...I know for all future pregnancies it will rule my thoughts. Every little twinge or cramp will result in fear and a immediate call the the doctor.

edinger3 · March 2012

panacea05:
edinger3:

Since I'm 34, I was well aware of my age & religiously stuck to the "don't tell anyone until I'm out of my 1st trimester". The only people who knew I was pregnant were my OB's office & my family doctor. I was worried about miscarrying. That fear pretty much went away once I saw & heard the heartbeat at 6w4d. I was naive enough to think that once you see/hear the heartbeat, you out of the woods.

I started to begin a baby registry, research pricing on maternity clothing, & making bets with DH on the physical characteristics of our baby. We told our families that we were pg on Christmas Day. I was 11w1d on Christmas Day. Three days later, we found out that LO had only survived to 10w3d.

If we get another BFP, I think I'll tell immediate family as soon as we see a heartbeat. The "wait until the 2nd tri" didn't work the 1st time, so what the hell. I'll also hold off on the baby registry until after the A/S.

I didn't start a baby registry, but I was getting ready to. By 9 weeks, I'd bookmarked about 500 baby things, and I had the nursery 100% planned. Two days after I told my DH that the nursery was "done in my head," the cramps started.

My nursery was pretty much done in my head too. DH started telling family that we didn't need some pieces of furniture b/c we would just transform what we had. It really sucked when I had to call BabiesRUs to delete the registry. Thank God they didn't ask why!

panacea05 · March 2012

doodlescaboodles:
I too never TRULY worried about miscarrying despite being pregnant with twins. I just thought "it will nver happen to me". Now...I know for all future pregnancies it will rule my thoughts. Every little twinge or cramp will result in fear and a immediate call the the doctor.

Being PgAL was the most stressful experience of my life. I only made it 7w4d, but I spent a month chanting, "Please be okay, Baby" in my head, and worrying myself sick. Still, though, deep down, I don't think I REALLY thought I'd lose another one.

panacea05 · March 2012

JRomeH:
**DD mentioned**
During my entire 1st trimester of my successful pg, I was so stressed that I really thought I would have a m/c. After DD was born, I never imagined anything would/could go wrong with future pregnancies.
My 1st m/c happened 7 months after my successful pg, and I think deep down I just assumed my body wasn't ready to carry another baby yet and more or less moved on.
I didn't ttc again until fall 2011, and while the fear of m/c was in the back of my mind, I never really thought it would happen again. Now, I will never be able to relax and enjoy the newness of a pregnancy again.

It's so unfair. I can't stand knowing that I'll never get to be a happy, carefree pregnant lady.

raashton · March 2012

I was a middle of the road type of naive. I knew m/c existed and even had some family members that had had them. I worried, but then I thought, "My mom didn't, none of my sisters did, and I did everything right so there is no way." I never posted on my BMB and only told a few friends. The funny thing is, about a week after my positive, I felt something was wrong. Everyone thought I was crazy, and I figured it was just my natural worrying ways. However, I found I started lurking on the mc/loss board, thinking, "I am going to be here. This is where I will belong." 4 days later, I started cramping and full on bleeding.

kal42672 · March 2012

I was looking through books on baby names, bought the book what to expect when expecting and was very cautious about what I was eating. I was devastated when I found out my worst nightmare was coming true. I was so worried for my second pregnancy but had hope that everything would be ok which again I was let down. It sucks that we have to deal with this...:(

ErinE683 · March 2012

I knew miscarriage could happen, and was nervous, but still didn't think it would happen to me. I remember thinking that my healthier than average lifestyle would help me avoid anything bad happening. At the same time, I checked for spotting every freaking time I used the bathroom. I hate knowing that there won't a blissful excited feeling when I get the next BFP... Just a lot of nerves!

Spruce14 · March 2012

I kept telling dh that we had to wait to tell family, I kept telling him the statistics but I think it was just my way of keeping him patient. I never thought it would actually happen. I kept thinking of alll the good things I had done to prepare for the baby...no coffee soda sweeteners lots of exercise and vitamins and water. I thought of that and that I'm young and healthy etc etc. I just never thought it would happen. Now I'm terrified that it will happen again and I know I'll never again experience the pure joy and happiness that I did in the two weeks I knew of my pregnancy...until my baby is in my arms. It SUCKS.

HopingforChange · March 2012

KDS1987:
I feel like in the back of my mind I knew that I would never meet my baby. I was naive for about the first day, but after that I think that deep down on some level I knew something wasn't right.

Yep. From the minute I saw those lines, I just felt unsure. When it finally happened, I wasn't as surprised as I would have liked to have been. It felt sort of inevitable to me.

big_noise · April 2012

***LO mentioned***

I would say I wasn't really naive about it. I was nervous after my first BFP but my gut told me everything was ok (that was DD). I think I always knew in the back of my mind I'd have a m/c. I just didn't think I'd have TWO. I hope it ends there. When I got pg back in Nov (BFP 12/12/11), I knew something was wrong from the start. It just didn't feel right. I wasn't expecting it to be just like DD, but something was just off. The 2nd was a CP so I didn't get very far. I think it's honestly been harder knowing I already knew what a fragile process this was. I didn't have to go through this to learn that. Not that it's ever deserved. I have an aunt and sister who work in a NICU and I get it. DD also had meconium and we were very lucky she didn't aspirate it.

pinktrojanbride120107 · April 2012

From the moment I got my BFP I was praying nothing would happen and was being uber careful about every move I made. It had taken so long to conceive that I thought for sure something would go wrong. I think I'm j/a worrywart, though, because I find myself thinking those thoughts now, too -- very rarely do I think positively.

katharine25 · April 2012

I can't say I worried about miscarrying and I was probably naive to a loss woman, but I wasn't excited early on - I didnt believe the pee stick even though I was over a week late and my boobs had been killing me. I was nervous/guilty about how unexctied I was. My mother told her sister who then told her 6 other sisters... So the cat was out of the bag early on. My response to their excitement was " it's too early". I did start to let myself get invested after we heard a great heartbeat at 9w, that was also when I started to tell my friends. I thought we were in the clear and just waiting out the ubiquitous first trimester bs. However, There was one work associate who found out (I work in a small office and had told my boss early on due to having to juggle appointments) a work associate - she's AMA, had a m/c, a late term loss, and gave birth to IVF twins. When she told me congratulations at 11weeks, I thanked her but qualified that I wasnt out of the first trimester yet and accepted her congratulations with reserved welcome.

Its funny you mention the eye color. Mine are blue and DH's are brown, but he has an uncle with blue eyes so there is a possibility he carries the recessive. This is what I started to focus on during my 11th week. Also at the same I started looking at the odds of color blindness, as my dad is. I was convinced it was a boy so theres a 50% chance a son would be color blind, so I was researching like crazy.... Though it landed up being a girl. I sometimes blame myself for denying my sweet tooth cravings. I was so worried about gaining too much bad weight, I should have just eaten the damn cupcake I wanted so badly.

peloquinJ · April 2012

I don't think I was naive. I do think DH was naive with the second pregnancy however. For my c/p the line never got dark so it was nervewracking anyway. The second pregnancy was right after so m/c was fresh in my mind. I felt a little easier when I made it past 5 weeks, we told his parents at 6 weeks because he wanted to and I started spotting that night. We did ask them to keep it to themselves and as far as I know they did. We would have come out to extended family after first tri. Next time I would wait for a heartbeat to tell his family but that is due to their lack of support with the m/c. My family I would still tell that early maybe although my mom can't keep a secret for her life.

sammer818 · April 2012

With our first pregnancy, I was super naive. I dreamed about what it would be like to be the designated driver for our summer group trips, what it would be like to be the first in our group of friends to have a child, how to paint the nursery, what kind of super cute baby clothes I would buy...luckily, we hadn't told anyone when I m/c.

Then with our second pregnancy, we didn't even let ourselves get excited about it until we heard the heartbeat (I work in a lab, so I had early confirmation of a pregnancy with my betas at 13). I clung to my doctor's words that the first m/c was probably just a fluke. We heard the heartbeat, got the baby book back out that night and I had my second m/c the next day. I was crushed. With the third pregnancy, I just something wouldn't be right. Why on earth after trying for as long as we had been and two m/c did I deserve something good to happen, you know? It's amazing how much I know about everything now and how much DH knows...we talk about stuff I never would have dreamed of telling him before my first m/c.

orangegoggles · April 2012

I was very naive. Even though I had a CP I NEVER thought about m/c with my second one. I just didn't think it would happen to ME. I made it about 8.5 weeks and had thought about every little thing. Names, nursery, etc. It didn't help that I was off for the summer so I really had the time to invest in it. I also participated in the March BMB. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

With my second m/c it was almost as if I knew from the start it wouldn't work out. Despite seeing the heartbeat twice and everything progressing nicely I just knew. I found out at my NT scan at 12 weeks and 3 days.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · April 2012

With DS, I thought about miscarriage, but didn't ever stress over it. When I got my BFP #2, my good friend was going through a miscarriage, so I stressed over that one a lot more, so the point where I waited a couple of weeks to tell our parents, and never really got fully excited as I had with DS.

I used to wonder what features DS would have, but never worried about it, though I do remember thinking that if he had been a girl I wouldn't want her to have DH's eyebrows...ah, to be naive again...

buckeyebaby814 · April 2012

I was super naive. I was that girl who thought I O'd on CD 14 because a period tracker app on my phone said I did Embarrassed I was then naive again, once I got pregnant, we picked baby names. Like that night. (Which are still our TOP choices Smile ) I signed up for everything baby in about 24 hours so I was now getting every email imaginable.

Here I am, over a year later, still receiving formula, coupons and baby stuff in the mail. Ugh.

delino · April 2012

I always worried that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I never thought of miscarriage and never in a million years would have thought I would be faced with what I am. I wouldn't say that I ever worried about superficial stuff, but I thought and think about it. The other night DH and I were talking about hair. His is thick and mine is thin. He said "maybe the babies will have thick hair" and I then joked that maybe they will have my pastey white skin and he gave me the side-eye (he is Italian and has an olive complexion).

katharine25 · April 2012

buckeyebaby814:
I was super naive. I was that girl who thought I O'd on CD 14 because a period tracker app on my phone said I did I was then naive again, once I got pregnant, we picked baby names. Like that night. (Which are still are TOP choices ) I signed up for everything baby in about 24 hours so I was now getting every email imaginable.
Here I am, over a year later, still receiving formula, coupons and baby stuff in the mail. Ugh.

. My first pg I did get pregnant using an online calculator. I knew there was a window Ina cycle but had no idea what that meant. IDE probably still be that naive I I hadn't Found you ladies

I still have the notes of our top names we discussed on my phone. I've had a girl name picked out for 8 years, though I wonder if I will actually use it.

Thankfully I never signed up for anything, though I have a word document with registry items that I was looking at... Too much work went into it to erase it.

jerryliljess · April 2012

With my first miscarriage, it was over before I even registered that I was pregnant (I didn't know until I was about 5-6 weeks and then miscarried at 7 weeks). I never had that thought at all. However, with the second miscarriage I was worried, excited, and devastated. My IL's were always asking if our baby would have my eyes or DH's eyes. DH really wanted a boy while I was hoping for a girl. We were in heated debates if it was a boy, he would take his name like it was passed on before him and who we would name for the middle name. Now that doesn't matter, I'll be happy that I would have a healthy baby. Nurses were saying that second miscarriages were "rare" and that I would be perfectly fine in the first trimester. Boy were they wrong.

panacea05 · April 2012

jerryliljess:
With my first miscarriage, it was over before I even registered that I was pregnant (I didn't know until I was about 5-6 weeks and then miscarried at 7 weeks). I never had that thought at all. However, with the second miscarriage I was worried, excited, and devastated. My IL's were always asking if our baby would have my eyes or DH's eyes. DH really wanted a boy while I was hoping for a girl. We were in heated debates if it was a boy, he would take his name like it was passed on before him and who we would name for the middle name. Now that doesn't matter, I'll be happy that I would have a healthy baby. Nurses were saying that second miscarriages were "rare" and that I would be perfectly fine in the first trimester. Boy were they wrong.

After my first loss, nurses and doctors told me that it most likely wouldn't happen again because having two losses in a row isn't very common. Interestingly enough, after my second loss, they're telling me that it's not all that strange to have two consecutive miscarriages. Hmmm.

orangegoggles · April 2012

panacea05:
jerryliljess:

With my first miscarriage, it was over before I even registered that I was pregnant (I didn't know until I was about 5-6 weeks and then miscarried at 7 weeks). I never had that thought at all. However, with the second miscarriage I was worried, excited, and devastated. My IL's were always asking if our baby would have my eyes or DH's eyes. DH really wanted a boy while I was hoping for a girl. We were in heated debates if it was a boy, he would take his name like it was passed on before him and who we would name for the middle name. Now that doesn't matter, I'll be happy that I would have a healthy baby. Nurses were saying that second miscarriages were "rare" and that I would be perfectly fine in the first trimester. Boy were they wrong.

After my first loss, nurses and doctors told me that it most likely wouldn't happen again because having two losses in a row isn't very common. Interestingly enough, after my second loss, they're telling me that it's not all that strange to have two consecutive miscarriages. Hmmm.

Yup, they said the same thing to me! I think they are just so desperate wanting to take some of our hurt away or maybe just the awkwardness of having to tell us and don't know what to say but really....

shellyco · April 2012

I was catiously optimistic, becaues I knew I had short LPs and I had done far too much googling. So I guess that week we sort of always had it in the back of our minds. Still, I woke up the morning I started bleeding and grabbed my computer and bought a pregnancy book for MH on Amazon, then got up to go to the bathroom and saw the blood. I cancelled the order for the book- I didn't want it in my house!

MrsHest09 · April 2012

I was incredibly naive. I was worried about a miscarriage from day one, but had no clue about other types of losses such as an ectopic, which is what I had. I had no clue about things such methotrexate injections, constant b/w, hsg's, provera or clomid. My best friend just got pregnant immediately after going off birth control-it's just so crazy to think about some people working so hard to get pregnant and all the silent things they go through while others it is so easy for them to get and stay pregnant (not that I would wish if on anyone ever). I do know that when it does happen for me, I will be so incredibly grateful and not take anything for granted.

JessicaRobb · April 2012

I worried about MC and had occasional bouts of spotting but I thought things got better once you were through the first trimester

mijakach · April 2012

I was definitely not naive. I am such a worrywart to begin with and am always expecting the worst (I know it's not a good attitude, but that's the way I am). As soon as I got my first BFP, I just felt that it wasn't going to last. I didn't want anyone to know, not even our parents, since I didn't want to get anyone excited over nothing. The plan was to tell immediate family if we saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks. We never made it to that point since I lost the baby a week earlier.

Even though my second BFP only lasted a few days, my anxiety level was through the roof. Even though I definitely wasn't naive the first time around, at least I thought I still had a chance of having a baby. Now, I've almost come to expect a miscarriage after any other BFP I get. Sad

How naive were you?

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