Is honesty the best policy?(Rant)
I think I may have ended a friendship today, just by being honest with someone. We have been friends since 7th grade and gone through just about everything together. But, my friend has made some bad choices with her life and now she has to live with them. I'm just sick of her playing the poor me's when everything that's happened is because of choices she makes. Let me give you some examples;
She got pregnant by a guy whos been a regular in and out of jail for like the last 15 years. He's just about 30 and obviously a lifer. Their son is almost 3. She ran off and married this guy. He abused her physically and mentally for like 2 years before she finally left. She hasn't bothered filing for divorce, even though the state will pay for it for her.
She is on just about every single public assistance you can get, and gets mad about not being able to get some even though she isn't working and is married(disqualifies you for some). Her, and her entire family work the system. I'm ok with gettihng help if you truly need it but they do stuff like enroll in school to get grants ect and then drop out once they have cash in hand.
She is texting me a few weeks ago that she can't afford food or to pay the electric bill. I felt really bad for her and wanted to help out...two days later she was posting all over facbook about the new clothes and posting pictures in her new bikini. Plus, once she left her H she goes out every weekend and sleeps with random guys(this part I don't really care about until the next section).
So today was the straw that broke the camels back. Shes posting on facebook about how much of a loser her H is, and how can he keep going to the jail when it hurts their son. I feel bad for the kid, but seriously...you had a kid with this guy. He's been a peice of crap for forever, so in my eyes you are just as much at fault as he is for thinking that was going to change. Well I told her this, and she apparently didn't appreciate it.
She doesn't believe in abortion is what she tells me. Well that's fine. To each his own on reproductive matters, but personally, if I didn't believe in abortion then I would be very careful about who I'm sleeping with because let's be serious...sex makes babies. And this is where the she sleeps with like 3-5 new guys a week pisses me off.
Kudos for you if you made it this far. I know it sounds like an episode of Jerry, but it's all true. Fact is I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the wanting people to feel sorry for the bad choices she has made. This was more of a rant then anything because I kinda just boiled over today. But, do you agree with me? Would you have said something? At this point I kind of don't care if the friendship is over. All I told her is the truth and I thought that's what friends were for.
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Re: Is honesty the best policy?(Rant)
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
That sounds like a hard situation. I think that given the circumstances what you said was pretty tame. If you constantly have to bite your tongue when you are dealing with her then I don't know if that's a great dynamic for a friendship either. In the long run if she is really a friend she will realize that she can still like you even if she doesn't like your opinion. If not then maybe you two have become more old friends than good friends.
I wouldn't have wasted my time. Fools are fools, and there's no point in trying to get them to see the light.
Cut ties and be done with her drama. Not worth it.
You guys have clearly grown apart. I think her situation is very sad, but yes, she made those decisions and seems to want to play victim which will only serve to keep her in a crappy situation. I have some family like this. All you can do is love who they really are inside, but from a distance... Until they want to change, there's just nothing you can say or do. I think being honest depends on the purpose you feel it will serve. If she comes out and asks you, then definitely be honest. But if she didn't, then given her situation, she clearly isn't ready to hear it.
I don't think it's the physical distance that's driven you guys apart, I think it is a helpful tool to run away from a person you don't care to waste time on.
Me, too. In fact, I can think of two friends that were total BFFs that I haven't talked to since high school or college b/c we both changed - in opposite directions. Also, in HS, drama was fun and exciting. Now, not so much...
I don't think you have anything to apologize or feel bad for (other than feeling sad that things have changed, and there's nothing you can do about it) If anything, you were supportive much longer than most people could handle. If it's not a wake up call to her, it should be.
I agree with this. Some friendships run their course, and you have to put it behind you. I've had to do this with some friends (for different reasons than yours), and I'm okay with it.