Introduction and Vent? FTM

RookieBride · April 2012

Hello Ladies,

I've mostly been lurking on the board and wanted to introduce myself. I'm due in June, but having a c-section in May. I feel like a June 2012 mom, but wasn't sure where to post with my early c-section date. I'm also a FTM so I apprecitate all the advice I can get.

I need to vent a little, I hope thats ok. I am 30 weeks and having my baby shower on April 21st. I've been really good about not going overboard and only buying a few things here and there for the lo. I'm trying to wait and see what we get from the shower so I can suppliment what I need for the baby. My sister-in-law is trying to unload all her old baby stuff on me. I was really good about it at first, I took some of the stuff I knew was in good condition. She has two kids so most of the stuff has already been used twice. She has since been bringing everything she can find over even if I said I don't want it. I don't want to be ungrateful, but it's really annoying me. My SIL is the type that would never take hand me downs for her kids and I feel like she expects me to take everything. I know she's just doing it to empty out her house, but I know I'm getting stuff from the shower and don't want to have to get rid of all this extra stuff. Sorry this is so long, I'm just really annoyed and frustrated. I'm not sure how to address it without being mean, the hormones are not helping by the way.

theboki · April 2012

Just take the stuff, and get rid of what you don't want. It'll be easier.

jamiah18 · April 2012

I would politely decline and tell her you want to wait til after your shower to see if there is anything additional you might need. I feel that if you dont establish boundaries now, shell be dumping hand me downs on you your whole life!

P.S.- Welcome:)

jamiah18 · April 2012

I would politely decline and tell her you want to wait til after your shower to see if there is anything additional you might need. I feel that if you dont establish boundaries now, shell be dumping hand me downs on you your whole life!

P.S.- Welcome to the board:)

Irishsapphire · April 2012

It is really your choice of what you accept as handmedowns. You can tell her that you only have so much space, and there is only so many handmedowns that you can take, especially if it is larger item and takes more space.

When my husband's friends gave us their handmedowns from their son for my son, I went through it, picked out the outfits that I really liked, and gave the rest to Goodwill. I have also sold some of the stuff through consignment. But if it is a handmedown, I price it really low because it was actually free to me, and I just want it to have a good home with someone who really wants it.

My sister-in-law just sent me my niece's baby and toddler stuff, and I love all of it. There were some outfits that I sent my niece in the handmedowns that she sent and some treasures as well like a white Jacadi Paris sweater dress with sweater that I love.

I am just thinking that your SIL probably thinks she has great stuff, and she is just trying to be helpful. I actually did this with my handmedowns with a friend who had a baby boy a couple of months after my son was born. But I let her pick out what she liked and then I took the rest home-it either went to Goodwill or was sold in consignment.

RookieBride · April 2012

Thanks for the welcome!

I have tried to politely decline and this weekend she came by and put stuff into my garage while I was out. I have to try again cause I really don't want to have to get rid of this stuff. It's literaly bins of stuff, she showed me about six bins of clothes alone. It's way too much, plus I'm sure I'm going to be getting a lot, we have a big family.

JessieCupcake · April 2012

Welcome!

You could tell her you went to through the bins and took what you need. Then offer to bring the rest back to her house. Just explain that you have no place to store it all. And of course make sure to thank her.

Or you could just donate the stuff you don't want. But that won't work if she expects the stuff back. Sometimes people are funny about hand me downs and it's really only a loan. I would make sure she didn't want the stuff back before getting rid of it

laurenhankey · April 2012

I would take it (if you have room), see what you get from your baby shower and get rid of the doubles. If the stuff is in good condition then you both win.

Maybe then you can have a yard sale (of her stuff) and make a little extra money for LO.

notfrancie · April 2012

She came by while you weren't home and put stuff in your garage? AFTER you said no thanks?!?

Normally I would say just take it and Goodwill it yourself, but that is some pushy sh*t! I agree that you need to set up some firm boundaries now or it is going to be out of control. Something friendly but firm like, "I am so sorry but I am going psycho with nesting right now and just feeling really overwhelmed by all of this stuff. It would be so helpful to me if you could come and take it to Goodwill." If she says that she can't hold on to it either, just reply, "I totally understand. I'm willing to let this go just for peace of mind's sake." That way if she still bombs you with stuff she knows she is being a jerk.

Welcome

naybird · April 2012

RookieBride:
Thanks for the welcome!

I have tried to politely decline and this weekend she came by and put stuff into my garage while I was out. I have to try again cause I really don't want to have to get rid of this stuff. It's literaly bins of stuff, she showed me about six bins of clothes alone. It's way too much, plus I'm sure I'm going to be getting a lot, we have a big family.

Just take the stuff you want and leave the unwanted stuff in her garage or doorstep with a note that says Thanks, I got the stuff I need!!

RookieBride · April 2012

Thanks ladies!

I thought at first I was just being mean or ungrateful but this was driving me nuts. I don't want my house to become the dumping ground cause she wants to clean out her house. I tried to tell her on several occasions and she gives me an attitude about how she saved it for me and I have to take it. I'm really just over the whole thing. I'm officially putting a ban on all hand me downs from now on. Btw I never asked her to save me anything. Thank you for the support! I feel better now.

topaz7777 · April 2012

I've been taking any hand me downs that people offer. I have two cousins that are pregnant with their second child, and my best friend is also pregnant with her second. Once I pick through what I want to keep, I just pass it to one of them and have them pick also. Just passing it along to the next person who might need hand me downs seems to be working great for me, and for them.

theboki · April 2012

I wish I had someone to give me hand-me-downs. We're starting from scratch.

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