Special Needs
malcivar
member
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Acceptance or complacency
malcivar
member
We got our dx in Nov and I go back and forth between being ok and wishing with all my might that someone just says "oh, wait, we got it wrong ... he's just fine".
Last night, I found myself sitting on the couch with DS just hanging out and after we put him to bed I started obsessing about whether or not I'm really starting to accept DS and his dx or if I'm just becoming complacent. Anyone go through this? Like the fact that I'm not fighting the dx tooth and nail somehow translates into me not doing enough for DS.
Make sense to anyone?
Thanks.
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Re: Acceptance or complacency
This is the biggest thing we struggle with because DH has ADD and a good part of his childhood was spent in trying to "fix" him with medication which his school teachers loved but his parents felt that who he was as a person, his personality, was being lost. It only intensified when he went to high school and started acting. The meds kept him focused but his acting teachers said it robbed him of his personality.
I want DS to be able to mainstream - at least for as long as he doesn't have his own preference. If he chooses later on to not be part of the herd, then it's his choice (like it's DH's choice).
Kidding aside, it's crazy how alone I've felt at times during this journey- yet, reading this makes me feel as if it is all a normal by-product of the dx.
Especially knowing that we can go back and forth between "the stations"...I feel like the last year has really been one of personal struggle and discontent, but has yielded peaceful clarity (acceptance) and that feels really amazing.
Yesterday my DS spent the day with one of his friends whose mother is a psychologist who works specifically with kids on the spectrum in the public schools. She had sent me a text picture while at lunch of my DS trying to raise one eyebrow- pretty funny. She has known my DS since he was 3 and has always said she thought maybe he was more AS than ADHD. SO, yesterday I responded to her text something like, "how is he today? More AS or pure ADHD?" She wrote, "Def Asp". Then five minutes later she wrote, "actually I don't think AS... He's so social, has amazing eye contact with everyone, tons of non-verbal communication..."
And I find myself at that place with all these freaking LABELS!! Maybe he isn't ADHD, or AS, or LD, or SID, or whatever. Maybe he's just WEIRD! What happened to that label? And you know what, I'm super okay with weird - he's good weird- funny at the right times, original, creative with his humor- all things that as an adult I seek out in the people who I call friends.
And on a side note, it's spring break here and we've just been having a super chill-out, play with friends sorta week. He spent all day Tuesday with his friend O, all day yesterday, O had a sleepover here last night, pancakes and rock band this morning and I feel like the more time my DS has to just be with his friends and hang out, be a kid, - THAT is the best therapy, for him.
We've been in a very, very smooth period which makes me nervous.. few tantrums, glowing behavior at school, and I've even been thinking about planning a little vacation WITH DS instead of trying to find ways for DH and I to escape for a weekend w/o DS. I feel like the other shoe will drop and we'll get a smack in the face when kindy starts.
It has krept back into my psyche that perhaps DS will "outgrow" most of his symptoms and just be a "quirky" kid. I've had teachers tell me this. I always remind myself that I'll hang onto his label as long as I can- do I want him to be on the low side of typical, or the high functioning side of atypical? I don't know the answer to that one.
It does seem true, those stages of grief are like textbook.. but I wonder if we go through them again when a new stage develops (kindy, puberty, etc)
I go between anger about why my child can't just be typical and then into mad advocacy role. I know, and we have always known, something was differemt, so getting the final PDD diagnosis for my son after years of trying to explain his behavior to doctors, was somewhat relieving,
It is very isolating for me when every other second grade mom is signing their child up for spring baseball and I know mine couldn't make it though, When the activities at his homeschool would interest him, but would be too much for him, so we can't go. I feel like he is missing out. Then I watch his younger brother surpass him in social skills (he is younger by almost 3 years) and it becomes blaringly obvious that we certainly do have an issue here.