Depressing thoughts on becoming a family of four
When I got pregnant with DD, my pregnancy was the center of my universe (Not really, but I focused on it enough to drop three grad school classes). Since having DD I always wondered, "Will I take this many pictures of a second child?" or "Will I feel the same excitement about the next child when he or she does X,Y, & Z?" and "Will I be able to devote my un-divided attention to the new baby?"
Sadly, the answer is already no. Don't get me wrong, I am BEYOND excited about being pregnant and having a new addition to our family, but it's not the same. Maybe it's because I have a toddler who consumes all of my time during the day, but I feel so terrible about not giving them both the same attention. The new baby will not consume my day. The new baby will not get two years worth of cute singleton pictures. The new baby will not be as exciting because I've been there, done that. Please don't think that I don't love this child, because that is FAR from the truth.
I'm just sad about not being able to give this baby the same attention I gave DD.
I know that this may seem fairly trivial because I'll be so busy once the baby gets here that I won't have time to even notice, but it makes me sad now. Has anyone else felt this way?
Our first family photo!
Re: Depressing thoughts on becoming a family of four
I read this a while back, and I just read it again because I've been feeling similar to what you wrote. I love this:
Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you?ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, ?Please love only me?. And I hear myself telling you in mine, ?I can?t?, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I?m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times ? only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you ? as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven?t taken something from you, I?ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you ? only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you?ll never share my love. There?s enough of that for both of you ? you each have your own supply.
I love you ? both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown
I've wondered the same thing. For the past 4.5 years my son has been an only child getting ALL of our attention and care from us (not to mention several sets of grand parents). I do wonder how things will be different for the 2nd child. I hope i will have the same energy and enthusiasm for baby #2.
I think this is a natural fear, so i think when the baby comes we will wonder why we were ever worried in the first place
I guess I can see why you'd think that, but to say "I won't do/feel x,y,z about this baby" is silly. You don't know how you'll feel, just like I doubt you had any idea what it would truly feel like to be a mother until you held your 1st baby in your arms.
No my 2nd pregnancy wasn't as new and exciting as the first, but who gives a crap it's pregnancy not motherhood.
I loved my daughter with the same intensity as I loved my son from the moment she was born. I have twice as many pictures of her as I do him in his first year because she is lucky enough to have pictures of all her milestones plus ones with her big brother.
No it's not easy at first and you won't be able to give your 1st the same amount of attention, but you are giving them a sibling to share all their experiences with. My kids are so close and play together so well.
All I'm saying is stop saying what you won't do, and think about all the things that you can do with two instead of one.
I didn't even make it through the first paragraph before I began bawling. Thank you for sharing this!
Yeah, I can't read it without crying either, and I've read it a bunch of times haha. Also, I just wanna say, my mom had 5 kids, and none of us ever felt like we didn't get enough love or attention. I think you get more love to spread around, rather than having to divide your love between your kids.