- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Two Under 2
16 months apart, seeking advice: What I wish I knew then...
Hoping to collect some advice from 'been there, done that' mommas of babies/kids who are about 16 months apart. My main concern is meeting DS's needs during those first few months, especially since he is very active, still not verbal and DH is in the military and frequently leaves for training assignments that last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.
So, any suggestions to get us started on the right track? Currently, DS is not on a strict schedule, but takes two naps a day (morning and afternoon) and goes to bed around 8 p.m. He is fairly flexible, but has routines that he likes (a walk in the afternoon, bath before bed, etc.).
For outings, I'm planning to wear the baby (Moby, then Ergo) and let DS walk or use the shopping cart/stroller as he prefers.
We are 1,000 miles away from most of our friends and family and I don't have a regular babysitter because I stay at home and we just haven't had the occasion to use one really. I'm wondering if it's worth breaking our budget a bit to find a babysitter DS might bond with before the baby comes??
Also, any tips for "introducing" the two siblings? Right now I'm not planning on DS coming to the hospital to visit. Any pros or cons to that plan I should consider? My parents will stay at my home with DS and DH or my mother will stay with me.
TIA!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 16 months apart, seeking advice: What I wish I knew then...
We have a lot in common. Mine are 16 months apart and my DH is military and we don't live super close to family.
My DD honestly didn't think much of her brother when he arrived. She was a baby herself and as long as she was fed and warm and had some attention she really didn't care about the baby. I didn't have trouble meeting her needs. Newborns sleep a ton so we still got to play a lot and spend one on one time.
Things were hardest for me once my younger one got mobile and in my daughters space. All of a sudden he was in her face and toys all the time. But that passed and now they get along well 85% of the time.
My advice is a box of special toys for your child so that when you are nursing they are content. If both babies are crying and need you I tended to the older one first most of he time. You can do this. My DH was deployed for 7 months last year and I think we did fine. A sense of humor and a can-do attitude go a long way.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
I think you're on the right track. Babywearing is so helpful with 2u2.
A lot of people will say get your older one on a strict routine, but think having a flexible schedule works to my advantage with 2u2. If the baby was fussing and I needed to tend to her, DS could go down a little later without having a meltdown. I think those routines are great to keep some level of consistency with the big change that will happen and are totally manageable to keep.
I think a reliable babysitter is wonderful regardless if you have 2u2 or not. It's good to get alone time with your spouse or have someone if you need a break during a stressful time that you can turn to. I would absolutely try to establish a relationship with one.
Introduction at the hospital is fine. I would just make sure your mom calls first before stopping in. My parents brought DS in right when I got back to my room from my c-section, and I was vomiting badly and in a lot of pain. DS got nervous about seeing me that way. I would have had him come the next day given those circumstances.
The only other advice I'd give-don't be scared to use the TV to entertain your oldest if you need to and keep organized. I planned ahead a lot-if I had a minute because the baby was sleeping/my oldest was entertained, I'd prep the next meal vs trying to cook with 2 screaming kids. I also kept diaper changing supplies in every room we frequented and lots of toys/snacks/sippies next to the chair I fed the baby in so I could handle my toddler's needs at the same time.
GL and congrats!
We're in the throes of this right now. DD1 is a very busy little girl, but she has free range of our first floor and is content to play by herself for a while. We are definitely having the tv on way more than ever before, but while I've been working on establishing a BFing routine with DD2, something had to give. Now that we are all getting more comfortable, we are able to get out of the house for a change of scenery.
One thing I am working on is to have a snack or DD1's next meal prepared ahead of time so I can just grab it quickly and give it to her without having to do much work. Generally I can get both girls down in the afternoon, so that gives me time to make everyone some dinner, and if it needs to be heated up by the time we are ready to eat, then so be it.
When we brought the baby home, our older daughter really couldn't be bothered with her and we didn't push it. Now she is slowly warming up to her and while it might not be quite as gentle as I would like, I praise her by thanking her for sharing or telling her what a nice sister she is - for instance, the baby was in the swing and C was sharing her shoes (by piling about 4 pairs on the baby's lap) or she occasionally tries to tuck her in (with whatever is lying around - a blanket, a washcloth, a pair of pants) or offer her a bottle or Nuk (by shoving it in her face). We are just trying to be patient and as long as she isn't hurting the little one, letting her "check her out."
Mine are 16 months apart and here are some of my experiences (on an iPad so excuse errors/formatting). I am also a SAHM and have almost zero help from DH who works 70+ hours a week.
Haing everything set up ahead of time and getting a baby doll helped a lot. I could teach her not to push the swing, throw toys in the PnP, "rock" the infant car seat, and not to touch baby's face.
Having everything I needed on both floors of the house was very helpful. I couldn't
leave one or both alone to run up for diapers so I had diapers for both kids, extra outfits, creams in a 3-drawer plastic organizer downstairs.
DD really didnt mind having her brother come home. I fact i dont think she really understood at all. We got her a gift (ride on toy that was very obnoxious but she loved it) which helped a lot and kept her entertained for a month! I had an arsenal of snacks around me when I was stuck on the couch bfing. I prepared her meals the night before and had a downstairs room VERY baby proofed as well as upstairs.
I wore DS but found it hard if I was wearing him and DD started to throw a tantrum as I was putting her in the car or the shopping cart. She could very easily kick him in the head so I started using my double stroller for everything and gave her lots of snacks.
I didn't bathe them together until almost 4 months old but I had a simple baby tub in with her and I had another plastic organizer next to the tub with everything I needed for bed time and bath. I would pull the baby out first and dress him on a mat next to the tub as I continued to watch DD play. I still do the same thing today.
I didn't have a baby sitter but we did do gymboree and I had DS in the Ergo. I physically couldn't do the park with both kids on my own so this was a fun thing we got to do and she loved it. We quit when DS became mobile because other almost 2 year olds would just run as fast as they could and wouldn't see a crawling baby on the floor.
Lastly, a white noise machine saved me with DS. Putting the baby to sleep was a nightmare for a long long time. I would rock him to sleep while DD was playing. Go into his room to put him down and just as his head would be touching the mattress (that critical point when he may wake up) she would burst threw the doors as loud as can be, and if I shut the door she would pound at the door screaming for me. I ended up relying on my iPad or TV to distract her while I go set him down and then I would put on white noise because a toddler has no idea how to be quiet. After a while I started to practice with her that when the door was shut we would "shhh" and say "night-night." We also got to do special activities when he was asleep like play-doh, finger painting, chalk. So she was very willing to be quiet (I would say "shh I am putting ___ to sleep so we can go do____" and she would say back "shhh night night" and then run off screaming in excitement!
This age gap is very fun. The beginning is stressful (for me) but it is over quickly and now everyday is easier and more fun than the last.
Good luck!
My first two are 16.5 months apart and I love it! It was a relatively easy transition for us.
Things that helped a ton:
- Having help right after the birth of #2. My mom came up the night before I went to the hospital to have DD2 and kept DD1 with her at my Aunt's house (5 minutes away) while we were in the hospital and for about a week after. She brought DD1 to visit each day but also gave her tons of one-on-one time while I healed and got established with BFing again. It was a HUGE help for both me & DD1 and really started 2u2 off great for me.
- I got them napping at the same time as early as I could. It was just for one nap (since DD1 was down to one nap then) and sometimes it would overlap a bit but by 2-3 weeks they were napping most days at the same time for around 2 hours and that saved my sanity.
- Whenever DD2 napped, which was a lot at the beginning, I took advantage of spending time with DD1. Even if we were just snuggling and watching a movie or reading.
- It's okay to let one of them cry for a few minutes while you tend to the other one. Who I went to first depended on what the crying was about.
- Invest in a good wrap/carrier
My girls are almost 3 and 17 months now and they play together all the time and they're a lot of fun to watch. Our 3rd will be about 19 months younger than our 2nd and I'm looking forward to another close spacing.
Be patient.
Take any and all help offered.
Be patient.
Take pictures, because the first year will be a blur - albeit a wonderful blur.
I would have never planned my 2 to be 17 mo apart, but I wouldn't want it any other way - at 3 and 19 months its SO awesome to watch them interact and play.
Remember it gets easier everyday...
My boys are 14 months apart. I think your plan for wearing the baby is good, and I also think that it is important for you to have a babysitter you feel comfortable with since you don't have family nearby.
I won't lie, at first, it is very hard. It was survival mode. DS1 watched a lot of tv. He played on my iphone when I'd go to put DS2 down for a nap in his room, etc. DS1 handled it well though. He came to the hospital to meet him (which is something I highly recommend, you'll miss your DS and seeing him will help). When we came home, he was very interested in him but knew to be careful with him. He was young enough that he thought his brother was cool but quickly moved on to playing again and adjusted easily to his new normal. He kept up with his routine, which was also fairly flexible (2 naps a day). He went to daycare for a few hours a couple of times a week which gave me a little one-on-one time with DS2.
I found it very important to have people I could call for help. DS2 had bad reflux, so he cried a lot, and sometimes I needed back up because DS1 wasn't feeling well, etc and needed me too. It wasn't often, but it happened, so that's why I think it's important for you to have a babysitter you can trust, even if to just come over and help out while you're home. Once you get used to having two, you won't need that so much anymore except for if you and your DH want a night out (which you definitely deserve!).
Now that mine are older, it is SO much easier being home alone with them. Watching them play together and laugh together is the best thing. DS2 was the best gift we could have ever given DS1, and I wouldn't change their age difference for anything. You'll do great, and your DS will love having a baby brother/sister!
BFP with no treatment!