success the second time around! my natural birth story

I had a terrible experience with my son's birth, which involved being stuck in bed on monitors, a very high rate Pitocin drip, and a half failed epidural.  Thankfully, I had a much different experience this time.  I apologize that it's so long.  If you want, feel free to skip to the end for a picture. 

On March 26^th, I went to my 41 week appointment, which included a biophysical profile.  The baby looked great, but according to the ultrasound technician, my amniotic fluid was low at 2.7.  I was extremely upset when my midwife suggested induction.  We talked about different methods, and decided on starting with Pitocin since I was already 3 cm and had had mild contractions on and off the previous week.  She knew that I had a bad experience with Pitocin in the past, but assured me that we would increase the rate slowly and may be able to turn it off once labor started progressing.  She stripped my membranes in hopes that it might help jump start labor.  She called the Birthcare Center to see when they could take me.  They said they were extremely busy and couldn't take me until 7 pm. 

John had to go back to work to take care of a few things.  My mom and I went to lunch, then walked around the mall for awhile.  We got home around 3 pm.  Around 5, I started noticing a few mild contractions.  I didn't think much of it.  At 6, I decided to start timing them.  They were 45-60 seconds long and about 4 minutes apart.  When we left the house at 6:40, I still wasn't convinced that these were going to amount to anything. 

During the drive, I started to have to close my eyes during each contraction.  After checking in, we had to wait in the lobby for a bit, and the contractions continued.  I was starting to hope that maybe I would need very little Pitocin.  We were shown to my room, and my nurse got my IV started.   I told her I had started having some mild contractions around 5.  She did an exam, and I was 5 cm.  She said that she'd run the monitor for a few minutes and let my midwife know what was going on before starting any Pitocin.  After another 20 minutes of contractions every 4 minutes, the nurse called my midwife again.  She said to take the monitors off, let me labor for an hour, and then she'd reassess.

I immediately wanted out of bed.  I was still dragging my IV pole because we'd just started my antibiotics for Group B Strep, but at least I was up and moving.  I just slowly paced back and forth across my room.  When I'd have a contraction, I would put my arms around John's neck and lean into his chest.    About an hour later, my midwife and her student showed up.   They asked if they could check me, and I agreed.  When she said I was 6 cm, I was thrilled.  I finally felt confident that I was in labor and that no Pitocin would be needed.   I asked if the IV fluids that had been running could be disconnected now.  The midwife immediately agreed, and then asked the nurse to get me some water.  I made a conscious effort to take a small sip each time I passed the cup during my back and forth pacing.  About every 30 minutes, they would have me get in bed to monitor the baby for 5 minutes or so.  I was so glad that the nurse just held the monitor and didn't have me put on the belt anymore.

Shortly after my midwife arrived, my contractions increased in frequency to every 2-2.5 minutes.  They still weren't too intense.  While I needed to concentrate through them, I was talking and joking with John and the staff in between.  After another hour or so, the contractions increased in intensity to the point where I remained quiet most of the time.  I still found that leaning into John's chest was the best way to cope.  I was worried that I would tire myself out, so I tried to get into bed.  After one contraction that way, I immediately stood up and said, "Nope, that was horrible."  I could hear the midwives chuckling when I said that.  I think it was around 10:30 when I started having to moan through contractions.  I heard my midwife say to her student, "She sounds like she's about 7 or 8 cm now."  I remember thinking to myself how stereotypically I was following the emotional signposts of labor.

I'm not sure at what point standing became uncomfortable, but I decided to try the bed again.  I lay down on my side, and John stood behind me.  He talked me through each contraction.  I needed a lot of reminders to relax at this point.  I know that around 11:30, the intensity really picked up because that's when John stopped recording my contractions on my phone.    I was starting to feel some really uncomfortable pressure, but did not have the urge to push.  They asked to check me again, and I was 9 cm with a bulging bag of water.  I labored with this uncomfortable pressure for quite awhile longer. 

A little past midnight, I started to feel a little pushy.  They told me to try to push a little and see how it felt.  I pushed a little bit, but it didn't feel right.  I was getting really frustrated because from the time I felt pressure to when I was pushing in my first labor was only about 20 minutes.  I'm not sure when they checked me again, but I was almost complete with a cervical lip.  I still didn't have a strong urge to push, but I felt extremely uncomfortable.  This is the point where I started to doubt what I was doing.  It's also the first time I wished I had an epidural.  I knew that I was close, so I didn't ask for one. 

I tried getting in different positions.  They had my squatting on the floor with the support of John and the nurse.  I tried getting on all fours.  I tried lying on my side with one leg pulled up.  Finally, the most comfortable thing was when they adjusted the bed so that I could sit with my legs open with my feet resting on the foot of the bed while leaning back against the bed.  Around 1 am, I felt like I need to push, and the student checked me and said I was complete.  I pushed and pushed, but felt like I was making no progress.  I felt like I was losing control.  I started grunting and moaning through my pushes.  Deep down, I was embarrassed, but I couldn't help myself.  It was some kind of primal urge that I couldn't overcome. 

I tried squatting on the end of the bed for awhile.  During one of these pushes, my water broke with a loud pop.  It startled me so much that I let out a surprised yell.  Somehow, not a drop got on the floor or on the student midwife who was standing right in front of me.  After awhile, my legs were exhausted from squatting, so I went back to sitting.  After awhile more of that, they asked me if I wanted to try a more traditional pushing position.  I agreed, so they leaned the bed back and put the foot rests up.  During each push, I grabbed onto two handles to pull myself forward while the nurse and John held up my feet.  I was really starting to panic at this point.  Pushing was much more painful than I expected, and far more intense than any of my labor contractions.  I would lose focus and get out of breath.  John would get my attention, bring me back into focus, and help me slow down my breathing.   My midwife, the student, and nurse, all encouraged me, but there was no screaming "Push, push, push!" or counting to 10.    

Once I felt the baby's head coming out, I started screaming about how much it hurt.  The midwife kept telling me that she knew it hurt, but that I need to push through it.  She said I was almost there.  Finally, on March 27^th at 2:20 am, Elsa Kathleen was born.  When she came out, they immediately put her up on my chest.  It might sound clich?, but I was instantly euphoric.  I couldn't believe I was holding my baby.  We wanted to delay cord clamping, and they said her cord was a little short, so she stayed on my belly for a few minutes.  After about 3 minutes, my midwife said I was bleeding a lot and asked if it was okay to clamp and cut the cord so they could work on me.   I said that it was fine.

I did suffer a second degree tear in pretty much the same place as I did with my first delivery.  They stitched me up while I continued to hold Elsa.  One of the nurses who had come in for delivery said that she wasn't pinking up as fast as they would like, so she brought an oxygen mask over to us.  After a couple of minutes, she was looking much better.  They continued to check on her while I was still holding her.  After I was stitched up, they helped me get her latched on.  She nursed like a champ on both sides for a total of about 30 minutes.  After about 90 minutes of skin to skin, they asked if it was okay to take her for measurements, procedures, etc.  I let them taken her over to the warmer.  John stayed with her while my nurse helped me get up to the bathroom and into a gown.  Elsa measured in at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21 1/4 inches long. 

I can honestly say that labor and delivery was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm so glad I accomplished what I set out to do.  After Robbie's delivery, I was full of regret.  This experience was very healing for me.